problem with overly attentive colleague, who i found out is a sex offender

[wallaby73]

Wondered if anyone can help. I started a new job in a large university a few months ago. I became friendly with a colleague (but nothing more - i had a boyfriend) and after a while it became obvious he was interested in much more than being friends. He also let me know he didn't handle rejection well, and in general projected a persona of someone very sensitive, kind, and lacking in self esteem and confidence; very self deprecating. After a while, i started to feel his behaviour was very manipulative (almost making me feel bad / responsible for his suffering due to to my rejection) and looked further into it. Basically, i googled him.

I have now found out that he has served 2 prison sentences, for crimes of a sexual nature (not involving attacking, more of a voyeuristic nature, one of which involved children) some years ago. To say i am horrified is an understatement. He knows I know, has "declared" the details of it all to me. However i do not want to have anything to do with this person beyond a work capacity. It has taken some time and me being incredibly firm for him to get the message. He has now accepted this but it did take some time and a degree of unpleasantness. My boss has only this past week been made aware of this person's background, not by HR, but by someone else simply googling as i have done. He is horrified and has gone to HR to seek further advice. I feel very stressed - firstly, that our managers were not made aware of this person's history (he has declared all to HR and they saw fit to appoint him despite his past). secondly, that it seems like i may be pushed into a corner as in i may have to make a formal complaint before anything can be done, or anyone can speak with him about his conduct. Which obviously would "out" me as the one who has complained. My boss has seen all the emails i have been sent by this person over the past couple of weeks (me saying "stop emailing me unless about work matters"...and his replies of "why? I don't understand, why do you dislike me so much? Where has our friendship gone? etc etc). I feel that this person should not be placed into a work environment such as this in the first place, and apparently i am not the first woman in this dept he has tried to become attached too. And yet i feel under pressure as the one that has to "do something" before anyone else will take any sort of action, or just simply speak with this man to warn him of his conduct?

Thoughts anyone?

Horrible situation. As it's a university, he had access to plenty of young, impressionable people, as well as manipulating and harassing adult colleagues who have no idea of his history. It's outrageous. Are you in a union?

Two things:

Regarding his previous offending: I am assuming that there are no minors at your university - in which case it is entirely plausible that he was appointed as the best person for the job. He has presumably served his sentence and has (at least on paper) turned over a new leaf. No reason why people shouldn't have a fresh start.

Regarding his behaviour towards you. I would be very unhappy if someone I worked with and whom I had told to back off kept behaving like this. He seems to still have issues, and your managers should be addressing these.

If you put in a complaint about his current limpet like behaviour, your managers can then speak to him. You can do this without making it all about the historic offences - yes they were a trigger for not wanting to be his best buddy but the issue at hand is his current behaviour, not his past behaviour.

Sounds like a really poor decision on their part to hire him, and to not disclose his convictions to his manager.

There are under 18s at universities BTW.

I've got no real advice except that you should expect your manager and HR to back you up 100% in whatever you need.

Am I right in assuming he's not in a teaching role ?

Many thanks for all your replies; kirsty no it is not a teaching role and we aren't "front facing" in that we have no direct contact with students. I agree everyone deserves a fresh start, but i can't get my head round the fact that my manager was unaware of this person's background. The way this guy behaves demonstrates that he still has issues; at first i felt incredibly bad for him as he seemed to be suffering (as i now see, making sure i was aware he was suffering!) by my rejection of him; kept asking to "spend time" with me, "anything you can spare me would be enough", and "if you are seeing your boyfriend tonight please tell me, it's hard to hear but at least i won't be wondering".... Even writing that now seems bloody obvious. My close friend is a barrister specialising in sex offences, i described his behaviour to her, she went off the scale. She very directly said it is "classic" behaviour, manipulative, makes you feel like you are the "bad guy", the convoluted explanations as to why he did what he did, again typical, they always have a long story as to why, so it's clear to me his behaviour is still ongoing (i'm not suggesting he's offending still)and i feel acutely uncomfortable in his presence.

He has admittedly backed right off from me since i made it very clear; but this took a few very concerted and increasingly firm efforts, the final email i sent was "i have made it abundantly clear what my position is, all communication is to be work related, if you persist i shall take this further". Previous to that, he was begging fir a chance to talk to me to "discuss" why i did not want to be his "friend". This has stopped now, but it has not stopped him talking to a colleague who knows nothing of his past, making out that i have cruelly rejected him and she is supporting his "broken heart" (she is married btw and has no other interest in him, just thinks he's a sweet vulnerable man)

Yes i am in a union, but i don't want to be forced into a situation where i have to act in order for the university to take some responsibility for the decision they made, they seem to have acted with no caution, everyone deserves a chance, but surely also making other managers aware would have been appropriate? I feel backed into a corner, he will genuinely feel he has done nothing wrong. I think the union are the way to go aren't they?

...to add that i don't want to appear to be on a witch hunt over a situation which is sort of over ( apart from his represenations to others of being the hurt party and garnering sympathy), but had managers been aware i may have been spared this whole sorry episode, and who will he latch on too next? (Certainly no one else in my dept)...

The legal situation is that your employers are responsible for his or indeed any employees attempts to harrass you.Once you have reported the matter to management they have a duty of care yo protect you but to get the protection you must report it yourself or via union, colleague etc asap and Management must at the very least investigate your complaint internally

It's very unlikely anyone in the institution would have known about his criminal record; a CRB check is not required to work in a university, even as a lecturer, and AFAIK you are not required to declare criminal convictions. So this isn't management's fault.

That doesn't mean it isn't shocking, and management have a clear duty of care to protect you. Make sure you document and keep on top of everything.

Sorry, I see you say he told HR about his convictions. Do you know for sure that that's true?

What hells bells said.

Good luck, OP.

He said he had declared everything, that HR are aware, however i only have his word for that. I don't want to be malicious and go out of my way to cause trouble, but i need to know i am safe, and his behaviour since i have been extremely firm with him has been unsettling. For example, he has left me alone, but suddenly has started leaving at exactley the time he knows i have to in order to collect my children; previously he has never left at this time. It unnerves me. Looks like the union on monday then....

OP

He is making you unconfortable and behaving inappropriately. Please don't feel bad if your actions lead to HR taking some actions - but they will need to follow their procedures on this to ensure fair treatment.