It appears that Stbx has delayed divorce in the hope my mum will die £££

[Sainsburysbag]

I have been trying to get rid of my horrible narc husband since 2007 when the younger of our 2 DC left home to go to uni. I am getting so near now - we have a decree nisi, the house is on the market and we will soon start mediation.

He maintains his business is failing and he has no money. He has stopped paying himself his salary of 70k for the duration. He tried to sell the business last year and on the basis that it didn’t sell he has stated on his Form E that it’s worth nothing. I don't know the details of the attempted sale. He has a very small pension pot but is a few years younger than me so in theory if he wasn't a hideous entitled twat he has greater earning capacity than I do.

I genuinely have no money apart from state pension and savings of about 5k. I was not allowed any control of our money when we were together. My salary was paid into a joint account that was the household account. I have always worked but his career came first so I have always had to leave jobs to move with him. I am 63 now and will be lucky to get hourly paid work.

Typical narcissist, he spent all the money on maintaining a flash lifestyle and made no provision for his or our old age. Our only assets are the house and the business.

My very elderly mum is soldiering on but in her nineties. My lawyer thinks my stbx has delayed our divorce and put off finalizing our financial arrangements as he is hoping my mum will die.

I anticipate that in Mediation he is going to say he has no money, whereas I am in line sooner or later for an inheritance so he owes me nothing.

But given the way he has delayed and delayed, if my mum did die before we get the divorce finalised, would this go into the pot to be shared? In spite of the fact that he has the business, he can earn £££££££ more than me, and he is the one who s@@@ on the marriage with serial adultery, serial drug taking and never ending lying.

In order to get him to agree to the divorce I let him choose from a list on the Internet the examples of unreasonable behaviour - anodyne stuff like he goes out without telling me what time he will be back.

If I went to court, does the judge just look at the facts as stated – his behaviour wasn’t that bad, his business is failing , he is taking no salary etc etc -- or does the judge take into account that my husband ruined the marriage so thoroughly? Is it at all relevant that my husband insisted on all control of the finances and wasted it all, is it relevant that my career came second to his and now I am shafted?

(Pace Fay Weldon! How did I let it happen!) Thanks for any advice.

How close with your mum are you that you could have a conversation about I inheritance?

Could you ask her to put it all to your children to avoid this situation?

Sly I know but he sounds like a first class prick.

Thanks for that idea tiny, my mum hates the idea of him getting any of her money! But I am afraid that if it got to court, the judge might think I was as bad as my husband for hiding possible assets.

But they're not your assets - they're your mums! For all any of you know she could use all them up in care home costs.

Inheritance is always a bit of a tricky one; I have known cases which have gone either way. If you receive an inheritance after decree nisi but before decree absolute, though, I would be surprised if the court ordered that it should be shared.

One option would be to apply for decree absolute now (assuming that it's 6 weeks since DN), but I don't know your circumstances so your solicitor would be best placed to advise. There are cons of applying for DA before the finances are sorted, not the least being loss of widows benefits under a pensions scheme.

But you're not hiding assets.your mum can leave her money to whoever she chooses.

If your child gifts you money after your divorce it is nothing to do with the court surely

Thanks for the replies.
I see the difference now tiny it’s my mum’s money and she can do what she likes with it.
I understood mumblechum that we had to have the finances sorted before applying for the DA? I will see how it goes at this first mediation session on Friday and then ask my lawyer what she advises.

Apologies that I am talking about my mum’s life and death like this, but wrt the inheritance, if my mum doesn’t need to sell her house to pay for care home fees, as you rightly point out may happen titchy I can assume I would inherit about 100k. Do I or don’t I include it in my calculations as to how much I need my stbx husband to give me out of his chunk of the equity in our house?
He is obviously including it in how much he doesn’t have to give me!
Or doesn’t he have to give me anything at all since we have no dependent children?

You don't have to have the finances sorted before DA.

I almost always advised it, especially when acting for a wife who stood to lose out regarding pensions/widows benefit, but it isn't always necessary or appropriate. As I say, your solicitor knows all the ins and outs of your case so is best placed to advise.

Your mum is still alive. Her inheritance is neither here nor there as far as any judge is concerned this issue is totally irrelevant.

If your exh is stalling on the basis your mum may pass away I am sure your solicitor could mention this to the court judge and they would likely take a very dim view of having someone delay precious court time.

No you don't include it in your calculations because its not yours! Your mum could leave it all to the cat home for anyone knows (including your ex and the court).

Thanks I will use that line, puking
Excellent! Now I wish I was going to court rather than mediation! I have just collected his Form E in preparation for Friday and in part 4.5 (“circumstances that you consider could significantly affect the extent of financial provision to be made by you”) he has said that I stand to inherit a significant sum from my mother. In 4.3 by the way he states the “particular contribution ... made to the family property” as being the £120k (lie!) inheritance from his mum who died guess when 1991 !!
FFS!!!

Sorry just to clarify my advice; it's only if you receive an inheritance before the finances are settled that they may be taken into consideration.

Of course if your mum is still around when the deal is struck any future inheritance is entirely irrelevant.