Wife giving 7 days to leave family home

[Brothertrouble]

My brother has been cautioned by police yesterday for grabbing wife's hands and pulling her out of room. Nothing like this has ever happened before and there are obviously reasons for it happening now.

But the wife is a solicitor and told him he has to be out of the house in 7 days. I assume this is legal, but will it harm my brother in the inevitable divorce that will happen? There are children, and the house I think is in joint names.

My brother has been ill recently and has no where to go to. What should he do?

Stay. A solicitor cannot make court orders - it is not legal. Only a court can do that.

But he should be careful because it is likely that his wife will do what she can to get him out - likely occupation and non-molestation order.

There is a LOT he can do but he needs to be careful:

1.) Record all conversations. He does NOT have to tell her this. Make sure he is polite, courteous and reasonable at all times. Do not hit back if she attacks him and if she attempts to cause an argument walk away.
2.) Keep all interaction with her to a bare minimum.
3.) Keep a diary of all events. Make sure she doesn't find it.
4.) Stop sleeping with her if he is still doing so. Even if she offers - because if she alleges rape or somesuch it is game over'. 5.) Sleep in another room. Put a lock on the door if needed. 6.) Stay until an established routine of good meaningful contact with the children is established. NOT before. 7.) If he is arrested by the police advice him NOT to accept a caution just so you can leave the station' - this is an admission of guilt and it will be used against him.
8.) If there is a divorce looming, seek mediation.

If he leaves he it will be deemed that he has `abandoned the family home voluntarily'.

He is on a well worn path and it sounds like his ex knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. If he isn't careful he will be homeless, with contact for his children dictated by his wife and a caution used against him in court if he tries to do so.

I would strongly advise he join Families Need Fathers NOW. Do not delay - your brother's wife has likely planned this a long, long time ago and your brother is likely paralysed by fear and shock particularly as he is ill. Join them NOW - do not hesitate!

If you need some advice, please get in touch with my via PM.

I have seen too many people go down this route and while it is going to be hard whatever he does there is a lot he can do to mitigate the likely damage. Sorry if I am being a bit strident here - most people say `I'll leave it a bit because I have to go to the cinema tonight' or something...!

The advice from LOSTDAD is good.
Non-legal people are all to ready to be "wowed" by anything a solicitor says but as the previous poster points out - only courts can make orders and the notion that he "has to be out of the house in 7 days" is ridiculous.

I will also underline the advice of "ACT NOW" and "KEEP A DIARY" (the lawyers will call this a chronology and it will later turn out to be useful and powerful).

He could join Families Need Fathers but don't expect too much - it's a support group and there are many, many biter people posting rumours, misinformation and hateful trash on their forums. There is some half decent legal advice to be had there for free though.

The most practical thing he can do is to appoint a solicitor of his own - may cost a couple of hundred for some serious advice and a letter or two but will be well worth it and will let the wife know he's not about to be pushed around. His solicitor could immediately write to the wife and make clear for instance that if she changes the locks she will have performed an illegal eviction - an act which could impact on her practicing certificate were the law society to be informed.

Sounds to me as if she intends to rely on him being scared of her professional status so his immediate tactic should be to play her at her own game and appoint a solicitor local to her practice. Embarrassing professionally and will really make her think twice.

PS - in these situations the quicker it's all out in the open and being handled by lawyers the quicker everyone has to play by the rules. As long as it's just her and him she'll always have the upper hand.

Would also add that there are people known as `McKenzie Friends' who are a fraction of the cost of a solicitor and can give excellent advice (there are good and bad of course).

MiniMonty - how do you know about what is on the FNF forums out of interest? It's only available to members.

FNF also has branch meetings around the country (attended by people in the same boat, solicitors, social workers, etc.) and a telephone helpline too.

Wow he's been cautioned for violence, and the wife has (unsurprisingly) asked him to leave. Nothing I've read says that the wife planned this a long, long time ago, or that he will end up homeless with contact dictated by the wife, or that he is paralysed by fear.

Thank you for your advice. It is only now I found out that they had agreed for him to move out of the family home and move in rent free to the Mother in laws house (that I am really surprised about). They were planning to tell the children that night.

So by the time I could speak to him, having got your wonderful advice, he had already collected his things and was on route to make an apology to mother in law and move in with her!!!!!!

I think he has gone crazy. How he sees this as a sensible move I don't know.

I have not spoken directly to him today. I am not sure I can do anything now anyway, it all feels too late. It feels like he has already gone down the path of no return, she has the upper hand now, and she is acting in a way that seems she is ready to use all her power to end it all to her advantage. I just hope I am wrong.

Definitely worth him getting some proper legal advice. Assuming house is owned / in joint names, moving out won't affect his claim when getting the financial agreement.

Must be very intimidating divorcing a solicitor! Main thing he needs to do is absolutely keep his cool in the future, no matter what the circumstances are.

I think she got 'the upper hand' when he assaulted her.

Noregrets78 - sadly I think she did plan this all a long time ago. She has been slowly undermining him, emotionally deriding him to others. She is now circulating in a different circle of friends through her work as a solicitor. I think that the relationship broke down a long time ago. She works as a divorce solicitor so she knows all she needs to!!!!!

Icantuckmyboobs - Yes he was in the wrong, he never did anything like it before. I am not going to go into all the circumstances surrounding it, but he was pushed over the edge, emotionally physically and most importantly mentally, by things going on. He immediately regretted it and left the house straight away to calm down.

There is nothing to stop him moving back. But he needs to do it quick.

My words are guided by seeing this happen time and time again. By moving out he has severely disadvantaged himself.