Family Court Process query?

[AliceinWonderhell]

My DH exW says that she has applied to family court to have the current Contact Order regarding their DS discharged.

At what point in the process will my DH receive paperwork from the court? His ex says that the court have told her that the papers have been seen by a judge, and that it has been referred to CAFCASS who will be talking to DSS.

So far, DH has had nothing 'official' - he wasn't invited to a MIAM (he's keen to mediate), and has had nothing from the court at all. When will he be notified, and can he contact the Court to find out what is going on before he receives any documents?

Bumping in case there's anyone experienced around who knows the answer? Thks!

i would suggest that he rings the courts himself - or solicitor to find out if what she is saying has actually happened. if it regarding his ds, then his name would have to be on the court papers also, and so should be logged. especially if it has been recently.
could she possibly be doing this to delay something?
so sorry if i am completely off, or mistook this

We can't afford a solicitor - but DH is going to ring the court this morning to see if they'll tell him anything.

What worried him was that his ex said CAFCASS will be speaking to his DS; we've read the CAFCSSS website and thought that they wouldn't talk to the DCs until after they'd spoken to both parents; and/or there had been a first hearing. Is this right?

Discharged to what end - why? Has she explained this.

How long has there been an order in place?

How old is her son?

Did she make a C100 app, do you know?

Has she had a history of messing around with the order?

If she has made an application she will need to serve the papers on your H either via her solicitor, post or by hand.

Maybe she is trying to push your buttons - does she actually have a solicitor?

I'm assuming your DSS is happy spending time with his dad and you and he has decent amount of time with you all?

It's all very messy - the order has been in place for over 3 years; DH applied for contact when his ex finally withheld contact completely after messing the kids around for over a year, cancelling, cutting it short, refusing etc. DSS is 10 now.
DH ex has always said she only had to follow the order if DSS wanted to see DH - and in the last few weeks, DH has received several emails from his ex telling him that DSS no longer wants to see him, is scared of him etc. When DH referred to the order, and said he intended to turn up to pick DSS up as usual, his ex said that she's applied to have it discharged (she says she submitted a C100 a few weeks ago) and if DH continues to disregard DSS feelings by insisting on contact, she'll apply to have his PR removed (I started another thread about that!)

DH has been liaising with the school and has met with DSS there; the head teacher said she is confident that DSS isn't scared of his dad in that setting and has no issue leaving them alone together. DSS said to DH that he doesn't want to come for contact because his Dad 'makes life difficult for his Mum'.

We're at a loss - it seems that all this is going on without DH knowing anything about it - we thought mediation had to be tried first but not even that's happened.

Hopefully, he'll get more info from the court today.

It is very unlikely that she will be able to have his PR removed.

I wonder if you will find that she hasn't actually made any applications and this is all bluster. I am still of the view that, rather than wait for her to take action, your DH should be starting his own action to ask the courts to enforce the existing order.

Ignore her. She's trying to rattle you.

Assuming by saying she wants the contact order discharged' that she wants the court to order their be no contact she'll have to demonstrate to the court that this is in the best interests of the children. The court isn't likely to rip up the court order and tell your OH Go away!'

If you don't have a solicitor for whatever reason, consider a McKenzie Friend, eh? From reading your post I can easily see that the ex is treading a well-worn path and is trying to play your other half. A 5 minute conversation with a McKenzie Friend will boil down the situation to a couple of issues that you really don't need to worry about.

Thanks all - DH spoke to the court today, and there is a C100 application submitted to discharge the current order. It has been assessed by a legal advisor, listed as routine and DH will receive notification of a first directions hearing which will take place in about 6 weeks.
CAFCASS will not make contact until then - they will speak to both DH and his ex on the day of the hearing.

DH feels a lot better now he knows what is going on; he can get his head round the issues, hopefully carry on seeing DSS (even if its only in school) and make contact with support services that can help.

I can't help thinking this is all a bit unusual though - I've not read about orders being discharged and there's not a lot if info out there - does this commonly come up in court?

It's not that common in my experience.

Like I say though - she can't just say `I want no contact!'. She is going to have to demonstrate that what she wants is in the best interests of the child.

lostdad my DHs ex's position has always been the same - she doesn't want her DCs to have contact, but she'll accept it if that's what her DCs say they want.
Call me sceptical, but I imagine its quite easy for a resident parent to 'convince' their DC's that they don't want contact with their Dad, especially when those DCs know that it's not what their Mum wants to happen.

If the DS goes back from contact to a load of hassle from his mum it is not surprising he doesn't want to go. He should not stop seeing him and if not for overnights then should arrange to go and take him out for tea/cinema/park (anything fun) whenever possible. He should not discuss any of this with DS other than to tell him that he loves him and he hopes that this can be sorted out. The contact order should have had a warning on regarding the implications of breaking it.

This really pisses me off, there are dads who want to be just that and then my GC ended up with complete wankers who still didn't want to be dads even after they got the contact orders.

I would imagine that at 10yo the Court will not discharge the order. The exW chances of having PR removed are practically nil, all this of course providing there is not more to it and the DS has no reason to be scared of his dad!

Your H should issue his own application to enforce the order.

You need firm C79.

Have a look at this guidance

www.how2divorce.co.uk/pdf/C13.pdf

Thanks collaberate we've looked at the form, but because the order says 'make available for contact' and DSS is refusing (rather than ex withholding) we're not sure whether its actually been breached.

I posted a thread about how exW has described her position regarding this a couple of days ago
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/1900969-Is-this-a-breach-of-a-contact-order

As I understand it you only have her word for it that there is a refusal. I think you have also indicated that on occasions your DH has turned up for contact and his son has not been present, which means she has not made the child available for contact. I therefore agree with Collaborate that you should apply to enforce the existing order. Let the courts figure out whether or not it has been breached. I think it unlikely that she will get the courts to discharge the order but if you do nothing she may continue to block contact.

DSS told his headteacher 2 weeks ago that he didn't want to go home with DH after school because he was 'scared' of what Dad would talk about and he didn't want to talk about his secondary school choices.

Yesterday, DSS told DH directly that he didn't want to come for contact as expected tomorrow because he's 'scared of talking about why he didn't come last time'.

He's got himself caught in a vicious circle, but I'm not sure how enforcing the order via court will help; punishing his Mum won't change how he feels - or how his mum behaves.

We'll have to default on a utility or mortgage payment to cover a court fee if DH does apply, which we'd do if DSS was younger or clearly distressed because he's not seeing his Dad - but right now, he's made it clear its what he wants.

You may be able to get the court fee reduced or removed if you are on a low income. The question the courts would consider is whether your stepson really doesn't want to see his father or is simply trying to please his mother. If you do nothing I suspect there will still be no contact regardless of the outcome of the mother's attempt to remove the contact order.

I don't think DH supports that view of the courts - his experience previously was that CAFCASS identified in the wishes and feelings report that DSD (then 12) showed feelings if responsibility for her Mums emotions and was keen to 'keep her happy' - but the court issued a recital for contact subject to her specific wishes.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, DSD chose to have no contact with her Dad for the subsequent 2 years - only reinitiating contact when her mum struck her during an argument. Since then, DSD contact with us has very much been influenced by what her Mum thinks; although when DH and DSD spoke to mum about it together, Mum told DSD that she had been emotionally manipulated by DH and that's what she is trying to protect the DCs from.
I honestly don't see any emotional manipulation when the DCs are with their Dad - but maybe I'm too close? I have had very little to do with DH ex directly, but I did speak to her a few weeks ago after DSS said he was scared of DH because I wanted reassurance about my own DDs safety. She was very reasonable and sympathetic - all be it she couldn't tell me what it was DSS was scared of - but she repeatedly expressed her view that I was another of DHs victims and one day, I'd see through him like she can

If the court ultimately rule that DSs can choose whether or not to see his Dad, then that's because they believe that's what is best for him - so maybe DH will be best just to allow the process to progress? If he applies for enforcement now, it won't be heard any sooner in court than the initial hearing for the application to discharge - and presumably, DH can raise his concerns with CAFCASS about the lack if contact when he speaks to them then?