father - legal right please help.

[Saycheeseyou3]

My bf wants to be in his daughters life, but isn't on the birth certificate.
What can he do? He has only seen her once, she is a month old.
He is trying to show the mum he wants to be in her life but she is making it difficult and is turning him away, not letting him have contact unless she is with them, and it has to be in her home, which he isn't comfortable with as she is showing him "interest".
He has very little cash, and can't afford a solicitor. He has asked me to ask on here for advice.

Thanks in advance.

Well, the first thing he needs to do is get on the birth certificate.

As he isn't on it he doesn't have PR (Parental Responsibility). Meaning he has no legal relationship with his own daughter and if his ex decides she isn't going to allow her to see him there is nothing to do.

Try to avoid court, but sort out the above issue out. This can be done by completing a C(PRA1) form:

www.thecustodyminefield.com/CourtForms/cpra1.pdf

If she signs this, great. If she refuses he will then have to take the matter to court. Under normal circumstances there will be no good reason why she should refuse this (although she may refuse to do so on the grounds that she feels it gives him more `power').

If she's insisting on demanding she supervise contact for the time being do it whilst trying to work out a parenting plan to move it forward towards a normal relationship - i.e. the daughter spends time with both parents.

If he can't afford a solicitor I'd recommend he join Families Need Fathers (national parenting charity with branch meetings around the UK, a telephone helpline and a great forum with solicitors, etc. giving free advice. Also to consider if the use of court is unavoidable is to contact a McKenzie Friend (a legal assistant who can do many of the things a solicitor or barrister does with a few crucial differences) - Families Need Fathers have a list of them and people like me post on forums like Mumsnet to give people in your situation a few pointers.

Let me know if you need any more advice. It's a hard situation and there are a lot of potential pitfalls although with a little bit of help this can be sorted out.

The daughter is only one month old - I wouldn't expect contact to be away from the mother at this age tbh, I wasn't apart from my daughter until she was much much older.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but the baby is a month old- of course the mother wants contact on her home & to be present. I barely left my DCs sides when they were that age. I am afraid in her shoes I would be insisting on contact at my home with me present for at least a year, particularly if she is breastfeeding.

So the options are contact in the mum's home or no contact, and he's choosing no contact? He sounds like a great father.

I am so sure she is interested in this broke loser who'd rather not see his child, who is a tiny baby, than in her home.

I agree with PPs - he needs to be on the birth certificate if possible, and I wouldn't expect to see baby away from Mum for at least the first 6 months, if not longer. That's just the way with babies.

I'm sure someone will come along and suggest somewhere for free legal advice in this area. Mane an organisation like CAFCASS?

If the mother is breastfeeding contact will need to be little and often. If not however there is no reason why a father cannot care for a child as well as a mother. It's quite an offensive stereotype that says women can care for babies but men can't.

The `Tender Years Doctrine' was put together in the late 19th Century and is a little past it's sell by date. Women shouldn't be left to shoulder the burden of childcare because it is the job of both mothers and fathers.

He should not refuse contact however because it will likely be used against him in the future if it goes to court.

quite frankly your BF is being totally unreasonable!
of course the mother of a month old baby would want contact with her present this is a new baby!!
Especially if she is brest feeding. The way forward here is to communication between the monther and the father and compromise on both sides! Going to an orgabnisation like FNF is only likely to get the mothers back up and so is legal action then you are going to be on a slipery slope! the mother wont trust him again. A new mother has a strong urge to protect her child and your BF needs to understand this. Quite frankly it dosent sound to me that he interested in his daughter needs but his rights of demands as a father. i would also be interested in knowing if he has made any financial provisions for his child also or is this just about rights?

The one time he saw her, was it in the mother's home?

What does he think should happen?

He needs to put the needs of his baby first. He's not comfortable seeing the baby with the mother present. Tough, it's not about what makes him comfortable. It's about a 4 week old baby. It is ridiculous to think that it's in a newborn baby's best interests to remove it from it's mother so that the father, who's only seen it once, feels more comfortable. Utterly ridiculous.

If he's serious about wanting to be involved, he needs to grow up, take the contact that is available to him and stop getting his new girlfriend involved.

Is he paying for his child?

it's not about prioritising the mother kitty - it's about the relationship between the baby and the primary carer, whether that be mother (which historically it has been) or the father.

As the father is not the primary carer, it will be distressing for the baby to be away from mum at this age, once the baby is much older - 6months-1 year for example then it won't be such a problem, baring in mind 8 month separation anxiety etc.

Got my goat please stay on this thread! its about the best interests of a ONE MONTH OLD BABY! i would hardley expect there to be historical contact at this point!
And just because a man donates his sperm to a women and impregnates her does not mean he has any experience in child care! and to say just because he is the biological father of this child , the child should be handed over to the father for care for because he wants to exert his legal rights is also ridicculous. The best interest of the child MUST always be taken into account. in this case a one month old baby. if hes not prepared to put in the time with the child with the mother present at the begining because hes not comfortable with the mother only spells a rocky road ahead, he needs to grow up and act like an adult and think of the child first by alienating the mother this early on dos not bode well for the childs best interests.

Ahhh Kitty, we've missed you:

How is a man meant learn parenting skills if he is not able to parent - what ever the age of the child. How can the child bond with her father. The mother didn't instantly assume parenting skills the moment the child was born. This girl is not the mothers gift.

And yes it is reasonable to be able to parent his child without the mother in attendance/looking over his shoulder.

He might fear that she might contrive an 'event' and wants to avoid unnecessary conflict.

The interests of this girl is to be allowed to bond and cared for by BOTH parents.

Who do you think cared for mine when her mother had to return to hospital 2 weeks after she was born? No it wasn't the GPs.

This is just pandering to a mothers anxieties.

• Subject to breast feeding regimes

Kittycat68 - thanks for summing up `The Tender Years Doctrine'. You're specificially espousing the terms of the Custody of Infants Act 1839 which the 19th Century feminist Caroline Norton had a big hand in.

She based it on the natural rights of mothers and it had no bearing on the best interests of the child.

Do you feel any meaningful research has been done in the intervening 174 years incidentally?