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Legal matters

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Original poster

Urgent family law advice PLEASE

18 replies

oldsoaksally · 27/10/2013 17:23

My child's sm has fallen out with my childminder and was very rude to her. Her husband took her side and called my cm shouting at her.
My cm told my ex that she will no longer provide care for our child on his days, and would only provide care on mine (it's an EOW weekend and one midweek arrangement)
He went crazy and said that if that's the case, then he would withdraw our child completely. (On my days as well). My child is with this childminder for almost 4 years, she is wonderful.

Can he do this? Sack my childminder? I am terrified. Her contract is with me and I pay her.

We have a shared residency order. Please help

OP posts:

quoteunquote · 27/10/2013 17:29

So they abused your childminder, which will mean your child will have to go to someone new,

Have you told them to apologise to the childminder ?

If you pay the childminder and she suits you, then they need to be polite.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2013 17:32

No, he can't sack the CM, he doesn't employ her. What he could do is go to court to seek a specific order saying he doesn't agree with you using her services. And the court will laugh themselves silly and tell him to fuck off, give us a few grand on the way out. Stupid man.

(I read most of your previous thread, will look it out again.)

Original poster

oldsoaksally · 27/10/2013 17:38

Thanks so much.

I am at my wits end. After we went to court and got a shared residency ( although he only has 4/14) I carried on paying my mx as our child was there for years and I wanted continuity. He scares me, so does his wife. They've said they are reporting her to ofsted because cm wrote a statement that I used in court. It was merely an observation of how well our child is cared for but he took that to mean it was a letter of support for me and that she took sides. She did no such thing- it was merely an observation.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2013 17:46

They both sound like nasty pieces of work. Your cm is quite entitled to refuse him service, as her contract is with, and paid, by you. If he had some evidence that your cm was not providing a safe environment, he could go to court to insist you find someone else, but since your cm is a paragon, there's bugger-all he can do but threaten and bluster. His power is reducing.

prh47bridge · 27/10/2013 17:59

It is entirely up to you what childcare arrangements you make when your child is in your care. He has no say unless he can show that you are placing your child in danger. He cannot sack your childminder and I doubt Ofsted will be interested in his complaint.

quoteunquote · 27/10/2013 18:02

Suggest, as the childminder doesn't want him or the wife near her, they can employ someone to drop of the child and pick up the child from her.

Interesting you have had a trouble free relationship for four years with the childminder, and she writes you a favourable report, and they cause upset,

They can pay someone to do pick ups and drop offs, not your problem.

moldingsunbeams · 27/10/2013 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

oldsoaksally · 27/10/2013 20:56

Phew you have made me so relieved, THANK YOU!!!

The main thing for me is my child's happiness. She loves to be there and I can't bear for that to be destroyed.
Yes it's true that it was a trouble free relationship. My ex and I have never had a good relationship but my cm was an unbiased bridge between us. When my ex took me to court last year to get a court order for our child, he said all sorts of unkind things about how I parent our child. Cm wrote a report about how well cared for she is and how happy she is...but mentioned no preferences and expressed no 'side'.
Sm attacked cm over this and that is why we are now at this situation. It is terribly stressful but I am so glad that I have the right to keep my child work the cm.

I am also SO relieved that the cm hasn't sacked me also.

OP posts:

moldingsunbeams · 27/10/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

oldsoaksally · 28/10/2013 08:11

Logistically I couldn't make that work as I have to work at those times, although you're right that it is a real shame for my child to now need another childminder.

Incredibly, I am being blamed for this. I'm pretty used to that now though- they blame me for everything.

OP posts:

TheDoctrineOfAnyFucker · 28/10/2013 08:15

I'm on your other thread and am glad you've got some more detailed advice here.

Original poster

oldsoaksally · 28/10/2013 13:04

He has now said he will be using another child care provider and taking it out of maintenence. I don't care- he only pays a pittance anyway.

He is not truthful about how much he earns in his limited company so CSA would be pointless.

He is going ahead with his complaint to ofsted against cm. What an awful thing to do out of spite.
He is adamant that he has a say over our child's care and will demanding weekly reports from the CM?

He also said it's my

OP posts:

clam · 28/10/2013 13:09

Is your cm happy to continue with "your" arrangement? Even though he has clearly been rude and unpleasant to her? Hopefully she understands that you have nothing to do with it.

Original poster

oldsoaksally · 28/10/2013 13:23

Thankfully she is.

He is going to try and destroy her career though.

OP posts:

clam · 28/10/2013 13:31

What a bastard.
In that case, you really do need to stay with her, as it kind of negates his claim, if you show every confidence in her abilities.

Iris445 · 28/10/2013 13:42

Does the 4 in 14 mean he gets two weekends?

If so cut his mid week, he's an idiot!

prh47bridge · 28/10/2013 14:07

Don't breach any contact order. Right now you are clearly in the right. Cutting contact would muddy the waters and could result in him taking enforcement action which would put you on the back foot.

He is not entitled to deduct the cost of any child minder he uses from maintenance. The CSA/CMS can take action if his lifestyle is not consistent with his declared income. They can also get data from HMRC so if he is paying his taxes properly they will be able to find out his actual income.

I very much doubt that Ofsted would be interested in his complaint.

Whatever he thinks he has absolutely no say over the child care arrangements that you make and has no right to demand weekly reports from the child minder.

Original poster

oldsoaksally · 28/10/2013 17:54

Thanks so much!

Yeah he is clever enough to not declare how many clients he gets through his door so the figures he submits aren't reflective of his situation. He has a great lifestyle - second homes and all that but has it all tied up in oh's name. I don't even care to be honest.

I would never cut contact anyway to be honest. That's neither my style nor my right.

OP posts:

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