Helping Dad get access to my half-siblings (rant alert)

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Hi, I'm new to posting so apologies if this is in the wrong place/on another thread.

My dad's ex is and always has been a nightmare. She has openly told him and my grandparents that she never loved him and only got together with his as she was in her 30's, wanted children and to live in a nicer house and area, and she was a friend of the family so knew he was single and regarded as a good dad. Once they had my sister and brother she became totally deranged and unreasonable. My dad was not allowed to discipline the kids,if he told them off she would shout at him and tell them to ignore him. She refused to work as "none of her friends worked"..most of her friend's husbands earned a lot more than my dad does.

Anyway, they split a few years ago. She ended up with 60% of the house (the house my parents bought together) and is now cosily shacked up with some other poor bastard another guy, owns her own house and only works part-time. My dad on the other hand, after having to declare himself homeless for a while, has a council flat and works his fingers to the bone while coping with depression.

Every now and again (usually when Dad is doing well) she will decide he is not allowed to see the children. She did this recently and it has now been over 4 months since he has had them. This time her reason was that he let them down by cancelling a visit and upset my sister as he wanted to take them on holiday on her birthday, taking her away from her mum.

He didn't let them down. She changed the time and day he was due to have them to a time she knew was impossible for him deliberately. She is also citing CSA as a reason, stating that "she knows he earns more" than he has told CSA he does. He doesn't. Besides, she does NOT need the money. She refuses to speak to my dad about it, instead choosing to ring up his mother to rant and rave and abuse our entire family. My grandmother is in her 80's and the last time called me in tears. Just to prove she is doing this just to score points, she told my grandmother that she's allowed to see the kids, and I am, but my dad isn't. My dad tried to go through Mediation to settle this, but when the time came for solicitor's letters to be drawn up, she said he could see them. Only to cancel last minute again.

My sister is 10 and has a mobile phone. My dad calls her on it to speak to her, tell her he wants to see her and he loves her. She replied with "But Mum says you dont care about us enough to see us".

My Dad is at his wits end, but cant afford the court route. Any advice?

Sorry for the really, really long post!

No advice I'm afraid but tell him to keep cling and texting his daughter to say he loves her no matter what. Your poor dad.

She sounds a nightmare but I think you need to be careful not to take on the dispute as your own and make matters worse than they already are. That's not to say you can't provide your father with support and a shoulder to lean on.

If there is no contact and mediation or negotiation through solicitors hasn't worked the only other option is for your father to apply to court for a contact order. That should ensure contact but won't necessarily make his ex-wife more reasonable and he may need to adopt some coping strategies to deal with her behaviour.

If you dad keeps telling them he loves them, keeps plugging away, be clear when he can meet, make sure the offers are heard, keeps being kind and honest, the children will soon be old enough to make up their own minds about who is doing what,

If she continues to vent on the children, he will find himself with teenagers, as they tend to remove themselves at the first opportunity.

Tell him to contact these people they are excellent and will provide support and advice. I think court is his only chance. This woman's behaviour is abusive and TBH I think advice like quoteunquote's is a little optimistic and leaves the DC's entirely at the mercy of someone who doesn't think twice about using them for her own twisted games.

This is so sad . I hope he finds a way to resume contact.

I agree that he needs to plug away with calls. Maybe he could send cards too.

Thank you all for your support and advice, it's been difficult for me not to get too involved as she lives in the same town as me, would love to go round there and give her a piece of my mind but I know that wouldn't help!

I will tell him to contact families need fathers balia, thank you. I think he is considering contact orders too STIDW, just wary of how she will react!

Just a thought, I really don't know anything about this, but I think YOU can apply for contact with your half-siblings, if you wish. Or at least you can apply for permission to apply, like grandparents do. Anyone know more about this?