Help sperm donor is being a pain

[Slipslop1]

Im new here but wanted some advice. Me and my lesbian partner are proud proud parents to our 6 month old baby girl also to a 8 yr old boy. We used a donor for our 6 month baby, a friend of a friend which we got to know and friendly with. At first he wanted to be dad but in the background which we were happy with I want my baby to know who dad is, he also didn't want to pay anything again I'm happy with, and has always said me and partner were her parents , if we were in a cp at time of conception then oh would be classed a 2nd parent but as we don't plan cp till2015 she can apply to adopt her, donor see baby 1 a fortnight but it's been nearly 8 weeks and no txt to see how she is until today and she screamed at him and wonders why. I told him oh wants to adopt but he has said no as he will lose all rights but he has no rights anyway what do I do

He's not. On birth certificate

He does have rights. Being left off the birth certificate is a formality. I suggest you get some good legal advice and play things cool with dad. A lot of fathers who aren't that bothered will suddenly become much more interested when someone else shows an interest. Possibly a male pride thing but I'm not sure.

Don't get into pleading or rowing just arm yourself with all the facts you can and take it from there.

This may not help as could be out of date and really you do need qualified legal advice.

20+ years ago DD was born, her dad was not on the birth certificate. Years later (ex)H adopted her, social services did want to contact biological dad, fortunately we all had good relationships and it was not a problem.

Thank you, I'm so upset about all, at first it was like baby was his trophy showing her off, me and my partner planned our baby with such love and he's now doing this. when I was pregnant he done one for over three months until 6 weeks until due date then see her here and there when suits I've never stopped him seeing her or his family I'm not like that, but it really gets me when playing dad of yr when he never win that. It takes a man to be a dad anyone can be a father you need to earn a right to be called dad and I feel he is letting her down already. And when he sits there and says he could never care for her as he would end up jumping of cliff or have a breakdown is really reassuring ( not ), or wants to take her out for a hr on his own I've put my foot down on that as she don't know him and has never been away from both me and oh at same time I just can't do it to her knowing she would cry and he would never be able o comfort her.

Yes definitely seek proper legal advice. This is an area of law that has changed a lot in recent years.

Natalie Gamble Associates are a firm that specialises in this area. I heard Natalie speak at a Donor Conception Network meeting once. She was very knowledgeable.

Thank you I will follow this link up, our daughter means the world to us and her big brother, I keep everything down when he visits how long for or texts, I never ever want to stop him seeing her, he's always said me and oh are her parents and care for her financially and bringing her up and that's what I've always wanted, he has it easy pop round see baby go and that's it. Not that I'm complaining because both me and oh are raising a beautiful happy healthy little girl. :)

We have just joined mums.net and come across your post.
We too have heard Natalie Gamble speak at several events over the years, she really has a vast array of knowledge and being a lesbian mum she understands.
In terms of the law and your donor, it would be better to limit the amount of contact he has. The more contact you give him, if he ever takes things to court, the law will always try to decide in the best interests of the child and if he has had lots of contact they may give him the same continued access in a legal format.
Did you draw up a sperm donor agreement before becoming pregnant? Are you and your partner in a civil partnership?
I know lots of things to think about and I am no legal expert, therefore I would recommend contacting Natalie Gamble.

Good luck x

He doesn't have any rights unless he gets to court to get parental responsibility. Therefore he cannot contest an adoption although he would need to be informed of the intention to adopt.