Why would my Dad's new wife need power of attorney

[paddythepooch]

My Dad 79 is due to marry very shortly. He has all his marbles and is in good health. His new wife wants him to sign a power of attorney for his care needs now (she says not the one for control of his money). Why would she need to have this in place now? I would prefer if the POA went to me and have suggested that she should do the same naming her daughter.

I'm feeling very uncomfortable about this. Am I just being paranoid?

Presumably so if he deteriorates or has accident etc she can make decisions on his treatment and finances, doesn't seem odd to me... if they are committed enough to marry, she "takes" the rights from you as to what happens if he can't decide for himself. My parents have POA for each other, no second marriage, just in case.

How old is she? Do you live near them? When she marries she becomes next of kin in any case, so would be involved in decisions about care. I think though it is up to him what he wishes to sign but can't really see the rush, my Dad got it for my Grandma quite easily when he needed to.

I would be asking more questions. What does it cover? Can you see the document etc etc.
Both my grandmothers signed a POA which was used as soon as they couldn't cope for themselves but they were mostly for financial matters like paying bills and for their care. I'm not really sure what use one would be if it didn't include financial matters.

In both cases they were cosigned by 2 of their children. My mother has a POA that will be put in place if needs be but both my sister and I are involved.

A POA is a good idea if your dad is getting older but I would be very wary of letting just one person have it. Another member of our extended family gave only one of her children POA and he basically emptied her bank account and sold all her shares. The last few years of her life her other children had to find the money to pay for her care as she had severe dementia.

I don't see anything suspicious if its just for his care and doesn't touch financials. She will be his wife after all, that makes her his next if kin. It would be strange for you to have it.

In fact, as next of kin she might be the one who has the responsibility of decisions over his care should the worst happen anyway. Maybe your father, knowing you would get involved, which could make a difficult situation worse if you and she disagree, is just formalising it so everybody is clear and there would be no further upset at what would be an upsetting time already.

POA decisions need to be made when the person they concern are compus mentis in order for them to be binding. Have you spoken to your dad/ future MIL about your feelings? If she is of a similar age has she considered what would happen if she became ill first? If POA over health is something you feel is needed now is the time to discuss with your dad what HE would want if he became ill and unable to speak for himself, for example would he want CPR if he arrested?

Due to my personal circumstances I actually feel quite strongly that everyone should have a POA set up in some way. My parents both have them - my mum is already using the one she has for dad since he has Alzheimer's, and her one is joint with my sister and I. As has been said up thread, they have to be organised when the person concerned is still in full possession of all their faculties - so normally are arranged and then left until the time comes that they are required.
If POA is not done, and the person becomes incapable of making decisions, then you have to apply to court for a guardianship order - which is a much more complicated procedure, and takes some time.
If she is not interested in financials, then I don't see it as a problem.

I think having the POA's sorted well in advance is actually very sensible. She's made it clear she doesn't want to touch the money by saying she wants the Health and Welfare one. It's a horrible conversation to have with your parent about the things it covers eg resuscitation amd not having treatment to prolong life in certain circumstances.

You never know what is round the corner and a POA takes some weeks to register. I guess she doesn't want to be in the situation where something happens, she knows your Dad's wishes before hand but they are ignored as no POA in place. It is possible for you to be a joint Attorney.

I think you should talk to your Dad on your own about this, see what his wishes are. It may be he doesn't want you to be an Attorney as doesn't want you in the position of making the call not to resuscitate.

My Mum doesn't have the Health and Welfare POA and is currently unable to leave a flat in a CH where she is until there has been a case conference as she has lost capacity and there is a dispute between myself and my brother as to what is now on her best interests. If this had all been thrashed our before this might not have happened and our family not in pieces as it currently is.

That is a good point about if she was to become ill first. I think you can have replacement attorneys named if this happens so definitely something to be considered. I've also read that the Court of Protection rarely grant Guardianships under the Healtn and Welfare side, it is usually the financial aspect, though not sure how true it is.

The point of POA is to sort them out well in advance. When you set it up there is a " lag time" of some weeks before they are actually in place an the person has to remain capable during that time.

He really should take out the financial affairs POA too.

Is she doing the same with him as the named person? If not why not ( unless she's much younger than him) as surely if she's nearly 80 as well she needs to do this.

Thanks for all the thoughts above. She is a similar age and they live in the same city as me. I know she will become his next of kin so would have the primary say over his care in any case so I don't know the extra 'benefit' of a care POA. Insight on that would be helpful.

I'm hoping he doesn't do the financials one but can see that being the next step.

This has not been initiated or suggested by my Dad. She wants to have the same in place with him nominated. I like the idea of having two attorneys as this would give some degree of protection.

This was only broached a couple of days ago. It has become impossible for me to see my Dad alone or speak to him on the phone in private. I feel very uncomfortable about this but don't want to impose my general misgivings about the marriage/his new wife onto this proposal unfairly.

Is he also getting POA of her at the same time?

The extra benefit of a POA is that, if someone loses mental capacity, it becomes extremely complex to manage their treatment and affairs without a POA. It really isn't as simple as the next of kin being able to make decisions.

I have a family member whose two children have a POA. He has developed altzheimers. Unfortunately, the two children disagree on his medical treatment and home support. It is a total fucking nightmare and he is the one losing out . I can see the merits on it being a single person's decision, although there are benefits too to two attorneys. I would certainly assume that there is some system for the POA to specify a replacement attorney if, for example, the original attorney dies or loses capacity after the grantor has also lost capacity?

She's the one who is living with him,a dn that is his choice as a capable adult. You can, of course, speak to your father abut his, but remember that he doesn't need a 'good reason' to do as he pleases, he can do as he pleases anyway, even if it isn't in his best interests.

YOur father has all his marbles and is marrying this woman. Making her his next of kin. I can't believe you think that you should have POA and not her It's a sensible step on his part given his age and she is doing the same. If he can trust her so can you. You obviously don't though. That's your problem not his.