Hi all,
My first post on here so it may be a bit of a ramble to give some background to my situation.
Met my ex in 2005, had my dd in Nov 2006, married in Oct 2007. The entire time (found out in retrospect) my ex was having affairs and had lied to me about a multitude of things (he has four dd's with four different mothers, spent 13 years in prison in the states and was deported on release). Also found out later that he was actually living with his partner (who was pregnant at the time ) while "dating" me in 2005. She had a child in Feb 2006....
Anyway 6 weeks after getting married he left to go and live with someone else. He was only here in the UK on a visitor visa (we hadn't yet applied for a spouse visa, he's a foreign national). Feb 2008 he called at my house and basically just took dd, this was the second time in a year. The second time I went to the High Court got an emergency residence order put in place. dd was returned under duress from him to my care. I believe he was going to try and use dd in order to obtain legal status here in the UK. In April 2008 he was deported from the UK when he tried to re-enter after returning from holiday with new g/f. 3 years he was abroad. In that time (not sure why) I visited him in his home country and tried to encourage a relationship with dd, still didn't know about prison etc at the time.
In 2010 we made the decision to try and have another go at our relationship (worst mistake ever), he flew into the UK in July 2010. Jan 2011 he applied for discretionary leave to remain which was granted, he was given a 3 year visa which expires in Feb 2014. Unbeknown to me he was up to his old tricks and all the affairs and lying/cheating had started again.
The rows over the cheating/lying have been going on for most of my dds life (shame on me for allowing it to). Police have been called on numerous occassions but only on the last occassion did social services become involved. My ex is a manipulative agressive person. He is also very charming to observers and people who don't really know him.
Social services carried out an initial assessment, based on this they decided that a core assessment was necessary. None of this was completed in a timely manner i.e. within their timeframes. They became involved in Jan 2013 and I only received a copy of the Core assessment which was dated 26 April on the 1 August. To date I had a student social worker attend my house and basically interview me. I was as open an honest as i could be, the second time that i met her was a face to face meeting with her and my ex. These are the only two times that I have met with anyone, I gave my permission to the social worker for her to contact school/dr's/after school club, which she has done. There are no concerns with my daughters health/well being at any of these places. In April she called me to tell me that the case was going to be closed. I thought that this was the end of it, then in June I got a second call from her saying that she was leaving as she was on holiday now from university and that my case was being passed to another department?? When i received a copy of the CIN plan and Core assessment last week there was a letter stating that my case has been passed to the family support and child protection team 2 and that i would be allocated a social worker in due course. I might add I never signed the CIN plan. As far as I am aware neither did my ex.
Childrens services put in place the Child in Need plan, this stated dates times etc my ex could collect dd from school and one day at the weekend, bi weekly. For a while things worked fine (although he never once collected her on the weekend), then he started having a friend collect our dd from school (his daughter attends the same school). this friend is actually the husband of my friend. I used to take both girls to school and drop them on my way to work. One morning in June I asked my friend (I'll call her Sarah), if she could drop my dd with hers, I was having some building work done in my house. 8am on this particular morning her husband came to the door to collect dd I recall stating that he was really early, suffice to say they arrived at the school before the playground gate opened and he left them unsupervised. My dd came home that eveing and told me she had crossed the street and gone to the park with her friend on their own. Sarah's husband then tried to blame my dd and myself for the entire incident. My ex said it was my fault, and supported "the friend", ex then became abusive, the text messages were so vile & infantile.
Because of what happened i.e. his abusive texts (which I've kept) etc and that fact that he would have continued to use "the friend" to collect my dd on the days ex couldn't get to the school on time, i decided to revert back to the court order that was put in place in 2008, this gives my ex supervised access no less than once a fortnight. I notified the school why I was doing this and also the after school club and of course dds father, I didn't notify Childrens Services as the Student Social Worker had left and I hadn't heard anything from them. anyway ex breaks the court order all the time, he turns up at dd's afterschool club almost every evening. He turned up at my front door 3 weeks ago, demanding that he see dd. he constantly harrasses me day in day out. There isn't a day goes by that my mobile doesn't ring and it's him. I gave dd her own telephone even that hasn't helped.
My concerns now are that i've done the wrong thing and am panicking at how this will all be perceived by Childrens services. The core assesment was totally bias, with so many errors and to say that my words were twisted would be an understatement. Is there a way to correct it?
An example of how....my ex is supposed to have dd home by 7.30 at 8.30pm I called worried about where they were and how long they were going to be. He told me that they were 5 minutes away, when dd came into the house 30 minutes later I asked her (in a very calm manner, like it was no big deal) how come it took them over half an hour to get from a place 5 minutes away, she sheepishly told me that daddy had told her to lie to me. I told the Social worker what had happened, in the core assessment it was reported that I "unnecessarily question dd about what/where she has been/doing when spending time with her father, then challenging my ex about what dd has told me, and this is apparantly is causing dd emotional distress.
I'm so angry about how my words are twisted, I feel this Student social worker just needed to find things to write. What mother wouldn't be worried, my ex has "taken" my dd twice, is it not normal for me to question. I actually think if I hadn't questioned the social worker would have made that a big negative against me too. Can't win either way....
I'm absolutely petrified now that they are going to swoop in and remove my daughter because I haven't followed their plan. I have an appointment with the solicitor who obtained the order in 2008 on my behalf. There was also a non molestation order but that has long expired and of course we lived together briefly (less than 6 months).
Can social services overide the original Court Order? Have I done the wrong things? Is this ever going to get any better?
very upset about this entire situation and I know it could have been avoided. Love my dd she is my entire world the thought of having her taken away is making me feel physically ill....
sorry for the very long post.