I need some child maintenance help, please.

[ladyMaryQuiteContrary]

Ex is in Ireland and stopped paying maintenance last year. He's just been served with a REMO ( ) for maintenance, but for some reason he's hired a solicitor in the UK, in the same city where I live. She's said my financial details (accounts and bank statements) are incomplete and 'he' wants them. Surely the issue here is about him and his refusal to support his son so why does he need to see my earnings??

Thank you

in short he doesnt!!! its just a fishing excercise cos hes nosey!!!
TBH shows what a complete arse he is!!

Thank you. I shall tell his solicitor to take a hike (or something along the lines of 'if the court require additional information they can ask me themselves). He is an arse. This is the sort of bloke who doesn't speak to his son for 6 months because his son corrected his grammar in an email.

Before child maintenance can be enforced there needs to be a decision how much should be paid. The courts rather than the CSA have jurisdiction when one parent lives abroad. When making a decision the courts must give regard to the needs of the child and the financial resources of both parents (and any resources of the child!) so both parties are required to disclose their finances.

The solicitor could be asking you to voluntary exchange financial disclosures so that a settlement out of court can be negotiated. It's reasonable and the courts expect parties to try to resolve disputes out of court.

Agree with STIDW

op just make sure that you black out your bank account details!!
If its through the court rather than csa the above is correct. Sorry i assumed it was through the csa. Aslso you can google what information is taken into account iehousing costs etc.

Oh, thank you. I contacted the REMO office in London this morning and they said all I needed to provide was the balances and not the actual statements. I'm more confused now.

I emailed the lady from the court, she called back said they (he and the solicitor) don't need to see my finances unless they ask for them. She's going to send what she has and has told me not to send any more as these are enough, they don't need to see my full accounts or bank statements for redundant accounts like the solicitor has claimed. She's also said that she hasn't sent my financial documents to the high court (who are dealing with the REMO) so there's no way the solicitor or my ex will have them so they are telling porkies here.

She's set a date for the hearing, whether they are ready or not, and she's going to ask for his accounts to be sent to me!

Oh, sorry. The solicitor is claiming that they have my finances and that the bank statements and accounts are missing. Make sense?

OP have you thought of writing ex's solicitor a letter saying as the have your finacial disclosure and to to save him running up further expenses you would be interested in comming to an out of court settlement and you would be happy to consider any offer they care to make. It would show the court that you are are reasonable and have tried to negotiate!! you dont have to accept the offer!! and at least you would know where his minimum stand point is.

I was thinking of sending her one letter every day that she has to reply to until the hearing. Isn't a solicitors letter £70 each? That would be mean to ds though as he'll probably end up paying for it in some way.

I've already told her I have every intention on taking this to court as my ex could stop paying on a whim at any point and really drop us in it (again). I asked for an interim payment on Tuesday to buy ds some boots; I'm still waiting. I have emails that I have sent to the ex to try to sort this out nicely, he doesn't bother to respond. I'm going to ask for half of the cost of ds's school (I've always paid these and ds has SN so there's no choice) and university fees plus trips as well. If he can afford a solicitor he can afford to help out with these.

sending daily letters will certainly run up his costs!

i would ask for more than half! to start with maybe 75% then that will put the wind up him you can then negotiate down or the court will effectively with all the data from finacials make a judgement. But theres no point in asking is there!! i would ask for a clothing allowance too. Does your child need any outside therepy or anything, as you can claim for this too. I would make sure i put in for everything including dental etc. and wait for the fall out! a court will only make an order for what THEY think is fair.

He's only ever paid £200 a month for the past 10 years. I've asked a few times for an increase, most recent was last year (April) and he said no as they had just remortgaged and had a baby in December (he hadn't bothered to tell ds). If I have another child does that mean I'll get more maintenance off him? Ds is subsidising his lifestyle, surely it works both ways. I was going to go easy on him. Was. He still hasn't put any money into ds's account for his boots.

Transport to get Ds to school is around £50 a week (it was £150 a week but we moved). He's escorted there and back by me as he falls over so this bumps the bill up a lot. He used to do weekly pilates (teacher was a qualified physiotherapist) but I couldn't afford it when his father stopped paying. School fees are £££ as he receives support there and the classes are small (sensory processing disorder and ?aspergers, not bad enough for a statement but we tried a state school and he couldn't manage). He requires boots and a laptop as he has hypotonia in his feet and hands and is often in pain. Dentist is in the next city so I have to pay to get him there. A clothing allowance would help as he struggles to fasten jeans and boden are the only place I know that sells jeans with a stretchy waist band . The £200 didn't make a dent on what I pay out and he's never contributed to his school fees. I buy all of the Christmas and birthday presents and he'll send ds £60 from him. I can't think what else, I've been paying for everything for so long

Letters would cost him money so it will take him longer to pay us what he owes.

Put it all down . i also ahve a child with aspergers so do understand here. Put down all DS costs. unfortunately alot of NRP dont want to put their hand in thier pocket for thier children, but still like to claim father of the year! What NRP pay never goes anywhere near the childs real costs if onloy the laws would change eh!!! I would also include the pilates but stating you had to stop these lessons due to lack of funds.

I can't remember which expenses I wrote on the form for the court as it was months ago I remember the school fees and the lady from the court has said to bring confirmation of these to the hearing. I've been living off a very tight budget for so long I can't remember what it was like before. We live off £40 a week for food but this is only because I eat a couple of slices of toast for lunch so that ds can have a proper meal when he gets in. I rarely buy myself clothes, same for ds really so I only spend the bare minimum (mainly because the school fees are so expensive but there's no where else for him to go so there's no choice). Should I have put our ideal spend? I would spend more on food if I could, he's a growing 14 year old and he needs more. I do give him money for his lunch account but some days he'll only eat fruit and a cookie as he feels bad for buying any more. I make sure he's had a good breakfast and a good supper but I feel so terrible about this. I keep telling him not to and that he can eat as much as he wants but he doesn't listen.

Thank you

your a good mum who does her best given the circumstances of financial constraint OP .
Try to keep a copy of EVERYTHING you send in. You can send in a revised expenses form stating that you now realised you have missed some information off! Make sure you also send in conformation of ds diagnosis too as he may argue this saying ds could go to a normal state secondary school, and its down to the local county to provide provision for all children etc. Remember if he doesnt want to pay he will try every trick in the book to reduce payments.

Thank you. Is it a list of what I spend now or what I'd like to spend? Now it's limited food, no holiday, no clothes etc. The hearing is at the end of July and, with any luck, he'll cough up by the end of August so that's our holiday! (I live in hope)

The lady in the court said I'd get all of the paperwork back which is why I didn't keep copies. The local authority won't help as ds doesn't have a statement. I did send him to a state school very briefly but the bullying was severe and I couldn't leave him there. The school he's in now is small and has small classes and lots of support. I gave the court letters from the paediatricians when I filled the forms. I expect him to want to pay as little as possible or nothing at all. Anything is going to be a bonus at the moment.

Sorry. On the list is;

School fees
Food and school lunches
Utilities (he's asthmatic so needs to be kept warm as the cold makes it worse)
rent
travel
clothes, shoes and boots and school uniform
christmas and birthday presents
holidays tries not to laugh
school trips
physio
hobbies and activities.

Have I got it all? What about the things in his room that I've bought, bed etc? His father's contribution when he was born was the rain cover for his pram and a fleece jacket. I paid for everything else.

I would send the costs of what you NEED (plus a bit more). YOU can claim for specialist equipment, but not everyday stuff. ie My DS needed a strong sturdy bed due to agression and breaking things, so cost me £350 rather than say an argos bed frame for £50. If you have a bed wetting problem money for extra bedding that kind of thing. Specialist toys dental ,hair cuts, glasses,also mobile phone computer specialist programmes on pc . Its about saying what you NEED to provide for your son. ALWAYS keep copies no matter what you are sending and NEVER send originals!!
As i said claim everything in that you need. The court will work out on incomes what they think is fair. His solicitor is going to go down either the He doesnt earn much route or your son doesnt have additional needs route, if ex tells them to. So cover yourself on the diagnoise front include to the court as much information like school reports diagnoise and specialist reports as you have.

I have a report from the OT stating that he's dyspraxic and a report from the paediatrician stating that he's hypermobile (physio has diagnosed hypoplasia but we haven't seen her since and there's no report) in his hands and feet which cause pain, she's also diagnosed a social skills delay (she won't say it's aspergers as he doesn't fit the criteria). He had to have a cabin bed as he rolls around in his sleep and used to fall off the bed. It was £200 and something. He uses a scooter to get around as it's too painful to walk and he still needs boots.

I had an email from his solicitor saying that he's going to make an offer to keep this out of court. ROLF! My starting point is 50% of everything I spend. I can't see this working for him. A good starting point would be the £3k that he owes since he stopped paying. If he sorts this out I may listen doesn't mean I'm going to agree though

Thank you

Would definately stick to the arrears if possible. Only a court order can make him pay though. Do you know what is income is yet?
TBH a court is not going to give you half of what you spend if hes on a low income. you can Pm me anytime.
Just make sure you file all specialist letters and recommendations even the schools.

I'm not expecting half (would be nice though), I was thinking of it being a starting point as I know that they are going to offer the lowest amount they think they will get away with but I've not heard back from his solicitor yet so I don't know what he has coming in.

I think a contribution towards a holiday/school uniform/christmas presents/school fees on top of the maintenance will help as in the past he's contributed nothing except for the bare minimum in maintenance. In the past he's left it all to me and has sent ds £60 for Christmas from him and his wife. I don't think this is fair. If he can afford £500 for a solicitor then he can help with these.

I'm collecting more docs for them.

Thank you

I have his finances (not complete though as there's a few transfers into a few accounts that there are no details for). It's a joke, a not funny joke!

you need to write to his solcicitor for clafication on these accounts and what the tranactions for. keep cpoies so if they dont respond you can file them at court and get the judge to order proof of these accounts. You have the right to ask any questions you like! if they dont respond a judge will determine if he thinks they should be ordered too! Also if you are self reping they will think they can get one past you possibly so you have to be one step ahead!!!

Thank you. I'm just knocking out a letter and will print off the emails too. The payment he makes to sponsor a child made me laugh (I had to laugh or I would have cried).