Court order and contact issues. Advice needed!!

[MissPricklePants]

I have a dd (4yo) who sees exp once a week for 6 hours as stated in the final court order. I have always been uncomfortable with this as he was emotionally/sexually abusive to me and has said nasty things about dd to me. We did have supervised contact for a while and then the court suggested unsupervised. This was nearly 2 years ago.

I have not broken the court order at all but I am unsure whether ex seeing dd is the best thing for her as he said that he wishes she had been drowned at birth (to her face) in front of me when I picked her up and has become increasingly irritable with dd, shouting at her and making her cry for no reason. She says that he is naughty and shouts too much.

There have been other problems previous to this. Dd also gets upset at handover time and when she returns to me she is clingy, wee's herself and her bed and is now having problems sleeping. I am not sure whether returning to court will help the situation but really struggling to decide what to do. Any advice??

How long has he been seeing her unsupervised?

erm a few months now, his mum was supervising as contact centre was about 40 miles away and I do not drive. Really worried that he is being nasty to her in this unsupervised time but don't want to stop contact unnecessarily if that makes sense?

my parents have also supervised in the past and raised concerns but they were disregarded.

Awful situation for you MPP- hope someone else comes along with the proper advice but it does sound like things need to change.

Your poor DD

One thing I have earnt from MN-ers is that contact should be for the benefit of the child to encourage a positive relationship with their NRP.

Sounds to be that this is NOT achieveing that & must worry you sick.

You'd be justified in taking it back to court. Set out all the instances when you've felt concern. Apply back on form c100.

Hi
Also read 'The Batterer as Parent' by Lundi Bancroft www.amazon.co.uk/The-Batterer-Parent-Addressing-Domestic/dp/1412972051/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372001570&sr=8-1&keywords=the+batterer+as+parent
It will arm you with all sorts of useful info to take to court with you and will also temper the relentless barage of children must have contact with an abusive parent regardless of the harm it causes. It really does verbalise the concerns that you obviously have brilliantly.
I'm in a very similar situation by the sounds of it except I've not complied with the court order.

would it be worth seeing your GP about these concerns they may suggest her seeing someone.
If you stop the contact, even though you have concerns, it is possible that he will return it to court for an enforcemnet order.
Whilst i know you only wish to protect your DD, without any evidence that proves what is going on is going to be down to his word against yours, it will then be down to the judge to determine if contact should continue. It is more than likely it will continue as before,

so it would be better to leave a paper trail? I have spoke to HV shall I speak to GP too?? I have tried my hardest to make contact a positive thing for dd but he is getting worse! I will read the Bancroft book too to help sort this out. Thanks for the replies! keep them coming if there is any more advice.

A paper trail is a good idea as saintsabove says to back up your statements in court.

Document everything he says, or is reported as saying,to or about your DD.

Absolutely have a paper trail and don't pull your punches x

Hope you got some answers today MissPP

You need to return to court and tell them all of this. She is better off without this man in her life all together. I think that growing up without a Father here is the least of 2 evils. She obviously doesn't want to see him and for good reason. This is about her welfare and not this selfish, nasty man's. Document everything he says like the other's have said. Importantly your daughter's voice needs to be heard. I would refuse to see him and I would not comply with the order, this man sounds dangerous.