Shared residency & contact time for 2 year old.. help please

[kipperthedog]

Good morning,

I separated from my p 5 months ago & we have a 2 and a half year old dd. I also have 2 dc's from previous relationship aged 8 & 10. All 3 children live with me.

My ex-p & I went to mediation for 3 sessions where we agreed contact would be during the day to start with & building up to overnight stays at the 4th session. Before we got to the 4th session ex-p issued court proceedings for shared residency & contact to be from sun am to mon pm at the moment, building up to sun am to tues pm when she is school age.

He says he has been given £6k which is in his solicitors bank account purely for the purpose of fighting me in court & I cannot afford a solicitor.

He currently sees her sun am to mon lunch & thurs 9-2

I am keen for her to see him in line with when my other siblings go to their dad every other weekend & one overnight in the week. We have a full court hearing in July.

Does anyone have experience of what is likely to be granted for a child her age?

He also wants to have her for full weeks this summer holidays & having only spent one night away from me so far I feel this is too long & surely the half the school holidays issue only applies when she is actually at school?

Any thoughts, previous experiences, legal advice very welcome please. I am finding this all very stressful.

Thanks :)

I am also concerned that as at the moment he is having her for the time he has requested (sun to mon) and not sat night as was said at mediation that I am settling a precedent that the court will say can continue. Should I change the contact arrangements to what I think they should be? He says he isn't able to have her Saturdays as he works.

Do you have the information about the finance side regarding his solicitor in writting - it sounds an antagonistic approach.

If he works on a Saturday he can't really change that to suit what you have in place contact wise for your other DC.

I am no lawyer but common sense and from what I have been told - Yes if he has her now from Sun to Mon then the court will take that as the status quo and not really want to change it, espacilly not for the reasons you have given but they may also ask - why the court case has been brought then as he is getting what he is asking the court for in terms of contact? they will also take into consideration what happened at mediation. I would keep it as is for that reason.

I don't think the court would order the contact to be increased in a couple of years time as they have no idea of what the circustances would be then - they would order something to happen now or not and maybe put a review date in? but maybe not as I don't think they would be keen for an ongoing court case to just keep going so the applicant can change as he thinks is suitable. Children's needs do change but I don't think taking it to court each time is good for DC.

I think offering the additonal night... Mon? now would be good - then he is having her two nights each week - why does he want to wait until she is older for that but then asks for joint residency? anything to do with maintenance payments?

I really wish this could be sorted outside the courtroom it will not help your relationship that is for sure and put you all under stress.
You say you have a full hearing in July - does than mean the directoins hearing has already taken place as it doesn't usually start with a full hearing?

thanks for your reply betterthanever. Yes the directions hearing was yesterday, I found it all extremely stressful :( but in the end it was very short, they ascertained that we don't agree & set a date for a full hearing.

No, I don't have anything in writing from his solicitor about the financial side. He has told me verbally that someone has gifted him the money which is in his solicitors account & he can't spend it on anything else. (such as maintenance which he isn't paying yet, thinking of approaching csa but was hoping he would pay voluntarily. When I asked him he said when he can afford it he will pay & discuss what it is spent on & whether he will have a portion of it to spend on her himself...?!) Does joint residency affect maintenance payments then?

He says he has flexible working & when we spoke he said he could change to Saturdays after the summer, he has also said he could go down to a 4 day working week so I think he is able to change it if he wished.

I also very much wish this could be sorted outside of the courtroom, it's a hideous experience and it's having an effect on my other children too. But he's really adamant about what he wants & that he wants the court to decide (I have approached him twice now to try & reach an amicable agreement outside court).

he is also now saying that he wants her for half of the school holidays this summer.. but surely the holidays only become relevant when she is actually at school??

It is difficult to say more without knowing everything and I understand you can't post more. Did you self rep yesterday? did you speak to cafcass yesterday have they done a schedule 2?

how much contact he has may affect payments. It does not surprise me he is not paying anythihng to support his DD and it is a pity that the financial side of a child's welfare are not discussed in these cases. I know that the child has a right to see the parents regardless but someones willingness to support thier child financially and if/how they are able does for me given an impression of how committed they are.

I really wish you could have some proper legal advice. I take it you have to do a staement now for the hearing? is his sol doing the court bundle?

yes i self represented yesterday. cafcass spoke on the phone to us both beforehand & also yesterday, they have no safeguarding concerns.. not sure what schedule 2 is?
Yes I have to do a statement for the next hearing within 21 days.. what is the court bundle? arrgh!

I would try to get some help with your statement kipper Is there no way anyone can help with some legal fees? From my expereince I think cafcass are getting involved less and less. My advice would be to get as much information as you can on-line before you write that statement. That will be your one and only chance to show what you think would be in the best interests of your DD. Was it not brought up that he lready has then for the time he is asking? Keep in touch, I am always interested to know outcomes as you can get very little information on them.

Hate to break it to you but what he is suggesting sounds reasonable to me - you both get time with dd during the week & during the weekend.

So hang on at the moment he sees her sun am to mon lunch, then thursday 9-2.
He wants the court to give him sun am to mon pm and build up to tuesday...

So isn't he asking for less that what he currently gets?

No I doubt you will get the contact days to be inline with your other children.

As for csa yes get them involved. He has had chances to start making payments, he hasn't chosen to do this. Yes the amount will depend on the time he has overnight contact and his earnings. But he will not have a say in how it is spent. Nor can he ask for any of it back while she is in his care.