dispute with XH over maintenance - what are the options? Apols, but this is long

[pastimperfect]

I need come advice on what actions I can take with XH with regards to him facing up to his parental responsibilities. By actions, I mean court/CSA action. Trying to reason with him, on a personal/human level, is a waste of time & energy.

So, I left him 6 years ago (DD was 6yo). This was after 15+ years of emotional abuse, though it took me a long time to see it as abuse. After I left him, he refused to see DD at all for 18 months and only started to see her again "once all the formalities had been dealt with". He was an obstructive arse the whole way through the process, yet blamed me for this (I was, after all, the one who started it).

I hesitate to use the phrase, but I "let" him see her because she had (& has) a right to a relationship with her father, no matter what my feelings about him were (and are). She had counselling at the time because of her feelings of rejection. He was an arse about that, as well (ie it wouldn't have been necessary if I hadn't have left him).

He sees her once a fortnight for one night/27 hour period only. She stays with him for a few extra days at Christmas and one week in the Summer holidays. All at his convenience. He is not flexible about this and has consistently refused to re-arrange weekends (my sister even had to plan her wedding around him so that DD could be bridesmaid).

He has consistently under-paid the maintenance for DD. For a quiet life, I have let it go and have not involved the CSA. He uses her as a weapon and I don't want to sink to his level.

Over the years (this was also the case during the marriage), everything seems to rumble along smoothly for a bit, then something kicks him off and we have to deal with shenanigans.

The issue now: 4 years ago I met someone and we bought a house together a year ago. XH has not taken this well. He tried to stop paying maintenance at all, then relented, but has again decided that he no longer has any financial responsibility for DD, seeing as I now have my mitts on DP's money.

DD (now 12yo) herself is torn between wanting a dad and not wanting to see him because she feels like he is not interested in her. I'm trying not to influence her about him, it's not my place and she can come to her own conclusions.

SO, after all that, what practical steps can I take that either force him to face up to his parental responsibilities? or what can I do to protect DD from any more hurt?

Alternatively, could someone just make all this go away? I'm sick of dealing with him.

Practical step one: involve the CSA. He'll probably stop your maintenance immediately, and the CSA do take a while to get things up and running, do you have reserves to cover this?

Practical step two: your dd is of an age where no Court in the land can force her to see her dad if she doesn't want to, so if he yells and mutters about it, let him. You're doing the right thing letting her choose, and can only be as supportive as possible.

Make it all go away? I wish I could...

To be totally honest here if you dontneed the money dont go to the csa for it. Fathers that dont want to pay will spend years appealing every descion they make (because they can) which ends up in a tribunal case eventually!! it will cause you alot of stress and aggrivation. Some fathers then go telling everyone including thier child etc that they only want the money etc, they also then start applying to court for more overnight contact or residence to reduce the payments.
Whilst not all NRP do this if your ex is an arse which it sounds to me from your post take all this in mind.
Whilst you are entitiled to CSA think carefully before you act as this is likely to antagonise him more OP.

I think you should involve the CSA & make it clear that he is expected to pay because he is her father. As to contact, let your dd arrange it with him