Divorce, husbands & solicitors

[catkin14]

My stbxh and I are divorcing after 27 years of marriage.

It is reasonably ok atm although he is struggling with the 50/50 split of all our assets, doesnt see why he should share his very large pension etc.

I have a solicitor and have told him he needs to get legal advice so that he understands the law and what is right.

My solicitor tells me there is no arguing with the law after all this time of marriage and that it will be 50/50 split of assets (which is quite a large sum taking house etc into consideration) and maintenance payments for DC til age 18. Due to exH salary, solicitor also says i am entitled to some of his earnings for a few years also, although this is not something i want. I have a job, and although it I wont earn huge amounts, should be able to look after myself.
I know where all our money is, there is none hidden and my solicitor know also.
My exH now wants it all settled asap so we can move on. I am asking for the divorce, as first he was devastated but after approx 6 weeks he seemed to have found someone else, hence the urgency from him now.

If he gets a solicitor which he will, is there anyway he can get out of splitting what we have fairly?
I have no hope of ever earning the sort of money that he does or being able to build a good pension. I only want half of what we earned together.
I hear scary stories of exH getting out of everything and dont want this to happen.
ExH says he wants to be friends still..

Short answer to your question is no, he can't get out of giving you at least half of the assets.

If your earning potential is very much less than his, it would be expected that you receive more than half of the assets. I'd suggest you drop spousal maintenance (which will dry up if he's made redundant or gives up work), and take a higher proportion of the capital assets (house, savings etc), and of course you are entitled to roughly half of his pension, maybe less if you have a decent pension as well.

Thanks for that, can sleep in my bed now! He's being so 'upset' by me expecting half that I thought he might try to do everything he can to get out of it so thats a big relief!

Depends what you mean by "get out of?" If he is self employed it seems easier to manipulate figures but as you seem to have all the facts at hand then it should be easier to ensure everything is brought to the table as it were.

No he is not self employed, employed with a very large salary, incredible bonuses and good prospects.
Get out of - get his solicitor to refuse to agree to half each i suppose? exH says he has earned his pension and doesnt see why i should have it, I have been a sahm for over 15 years for our 3 DC's..

I keep telling him that i can never earn enough for a good pension and that i contributed by looking after family, he has worked away from home for last 20 years. He doesnt see it like that..

I about to say the same as mumblec. Perhaps best to go for a large lump sum than 50% and a clean break (no maintenance) if you can live with that as it lets both sides move forward without having to continue to pay out.

MY ex got 60% on a clean break as I earned 10x what he did so there is no reason you should not get more than 50%.

You might also want more capital now and not make a pension claim but that can be foolish as often the pension is the biggest asset. The pension is valued and then split and you receive it when you are pension age - it is kind of ear marked for you. In our case we both had similar sized pensions so we just kept our own.

You might also want a clause my ex put in - that whoever the children live with I (higher earner ) pay the school and university fees. Also if you have a mortgage one issue might be if the lender would be prepared to put it in your name which they might not if you earn very little.

Thanks for all replies.
At least I am sure now that he cant have 65% and me 35% which is what he wants. I earn nothing atm untill i start my job and even then only expect to earn around 13k pa.
So to know I have at least 50% of everything that we built after 27 years.

This man is an EA.
He wont be able to pull the wool over solicitors/judges eye will he?
I am in a big panic as he has stopped money into our joint account for DS and as he sought legal advice this week I am just waiting for all deviousness to begin. Everything we have is in joint names and solicitors are aware of pensions/savings as are financial advisors.
Seeing my solicitor wednesday.

If he's stopped putting money in for the DCs is it worth getting CSA involved?

yes i think im going to have to. Silly man

I would see CSA now as they only go from the time they first contact him. CSA payments are separate to the other stuff.

thanks for all replies. Solicitor appointment next week. He is definitely not a rock star, only in his head!

babybarrister what happens then please?

If he stops paying you money during the divorce you can apply to the court for interim (immediate) payments until the divorce is finalised.

Do be aware that some people get rid of all their money and give up work entirely to avoid paying a spouse which is one reason always advise daughters never to go part time or reply on men for money in future. In some cases if there is a lot of money and he may be disposing of it you could get accounts frozen. Someone I know found his soon to be ex wife froze all their savings as she was worried he would invest them in his business and they might be lost.

Thanks again.
His work fuels his ego so I cant see him giving up work, although he says that as he now has to halve his pension with me the last 25 years of his life have been for nothing, so you never know.
Fortunately most of our assets are tied up in our house which has now sold, and other than that, pension.
He is so clever I just have visions of him tying the solicitor up in knots, his not mine!

Cat,
Do not worry. You will be taken care of and it is quite likely you could even get more than 50%. You say you are just going back to work, so it is highly likely that you will be eligible for capital, maintenance, child stuff goes without saying, a grant for school fees if your DC goes private, and likely a portion of STBX's pension. AS WELL YOU SHOULD BE ENTITLED. There are differences between short marriages and long marriages, in terms of how things get divided and you are certainly in a long marriage. Unless your STBX is incredibly connected internationally, it will be very difficult for him to hide assets from you. If he earns more than 115K the CSA is capped, and then you can apply for what is called a top up. If he is not giving you money now, it doesn't matter, your solicitor can get a maintenance pending suit order, which STBX will have to pay immediately. My advice to you is to make a comprehensive list of your outgoings, literally every penny you spend on everything in your life. And add in your legal fees. If there is a good amount of money at stake, you're going to have a barrister as well, if you go in front of a judge. You are eventually going to need to complete something called a Form E and that is where you explain what you have and what you need. There are some good links online that have spreadsheets with virtually every category of spending already noted. This is good because right now you may not be thinking all that clearly. And, nothing's finals until your divorce is final. Good luck, Catkin -- I am on your side!

SlimSchadey that was really helpful - thankyou! He doesnt earn quite that much. Also good to know he will have to give me money for DS very soon, that was worrying me as DS is a teenager and eats huge amounts!
No, brain turned to porridge atm! I seem to be forgetting more than I knew!
His attitude is 'she left me and the marriage, she shouldnt have anything, or very little, only what i choose she should have'. This is where some of my concern has come from. So thank you.