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Legal matters

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Doemstic Violence Allegations & Non-Molestation order

7 replies

Ahimsa · 16/03/2013 23:59

I am a victim of domestic violence, there was a non-molestation order granted in ex-parte against my ex-husband which is now expired. Police arrested him but he refused to accept what he has done to me and got released with verbal warning.

I was kept in isolation by various threats made by him - I'm not familiar to this country where he took benefits out of it - by making me believing all the things he say such as - he got a friend in t-mobile who will listen to what I talk, he has spy device fixed on the land phone and can listen what I speak whereever he is, he got someone in the surgery who can see the records and let him know, if i go against him and report the violence I won't be believed telling some past history of his violence towards his ex-girl friend where the police left him with no action taken. I was abused by all means sexually, verbally, financially and physically. I lived in the matrimonial where him and his mum and brother lived. I had no relatives or friends in the area which was entirely new to me.

It took two years for me to transform myself to open up boldly like this unlike the timid and innocent personality which I was having in the past.

He chose not to get a return date as "he thought is will run its course"; Instead he filed a divorce case mentioning my allegations are false and on the unreasonable behaviour grounds.

I got help from a solicitor who promised to file an answer and a cross petition but never had done that. Every time I phoned up, I was told I will be contacted when the document is ready and no need to phone again and again. Certificate of matrimonial caused was issued - Decree nisi was pronounced - but I have never informed by the solicitor about any of these.

This lead to the divorce been finalised on the grounds my unreasonable behaviour and the ex's solicitor's are bringing this in papers now as to : "false allegations".

I am sure that all what I have said was true.

Is this false image on me- correctable? and How?

Many thanks

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/03/2013 08:56

No, not if a divorce has been granted. Nearly all solicitors recommend that you don't defend a divorce, What you need to do now is to concentrate on getting the financial side sorted & then getting on with the rest of your life away from this nasty man. No one ever sees the divorce papers anyway.

Ahimsa · 17/03/2013 09:18

Thanks RedHelenB. Divorce been granted. I was on the same thought till he is now trying to bring that in the child contact matter.
please could I refer you to this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/1709986-Father-on-Anti-depressant-seeking-contact-with-the-baby-he-has-never-met-before

Please advice.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/03/2013 13:21

I can't see it carrying much weight tbh. All a judge is interested in is is the child best served by having contact with the father not the whys & wherefores of why you got divorced.

betterthanever · 17/03/2013 19:56

Ahimsa - I can see your point, if he can say your allegations were proven to be false in the divorce case he may probably will say they are false for the child contact case. I take it you then have concerns regarding how safe you will both be during contact?
No matter what horror stories you read on here (including mine) please be rest assured that CAFCASS will look into your concerns no matter what has happened during the divorce and any contact would start slowly for monitoring purposes. If he is as you say they will see this and keep you safe. I know you will stay strong and just take one step at a time airing your concerns along the way. You have made strong steps in your journey already. Keep up the good work.

Ahimsa · 17/03/2013 20:02

betterthanever: thx for your supportive words. Really help to build confidence. when a CAFCASS get involved?

OP posts:
betterthanever · 17/03/2013 20:10

If your ex puts an application in to court, CAFCASS will send you a letter. (I got mine before I got the court papers). They will telephone you if they have a contact number for you, before it goes to the first hearing in most cases.

Please make sure you tell them EVERYTHING then.

Plan out your conversation, the points you want to make - please make sure they are child centred and not just a slinging match and that anything you say you can evidence rather than it just being hearsay. My phone call took an hour, they gave me all the time I needed. CAFCASS then do a schedule 2 report which you may (will probably) get a copy of on the day of the first hearing. It will report what you and your ex have said to them as they will speak to him to. Don't worry what he says just concentrate on your version of events.
You do not have to sit in the waiting room with your ex in court - ask for a private room. CAfCASS will talk to you again in court. They see all this everyday and they know the truth - keep to the truth, do not exagerate anything, they will know/ get to the truth.
Speak to Women's Aid - they can offer lots more advice than me. Good luck.

Ahimsa · 17/03/2013 20:16

Thx a lot; That is really helpful; I will try to speak to them as well.

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