Custody and court orders. Any advice or experience of. Please help!

[McPom]

I'd really appreciate feedback from anyone on this. My ex-partner (we split two years ago and have two children) told me yesterday that he wants to take me to court because, according to him, I'm not letting him see the children and he wants to take a court order out against me. Previously he's gone about a month without seeing them because he says his shifts at work mean it's difficult for him to find the time. But now, he says I'm lying because when he asks to see them I say they're busy at clubs like scouts, rainbows (it's often after school because hee doesn't normally have weekends off). Our children are nine and five. They've never stayed the night with him, he erratically gives me money for them. I've been thinking about going to the CSA about it, but I wanted things to remain amicable between us. Now they're not! He doesn't have a car, and at the moment has nowhere to live. He's never had much input into their lives, knowing which schools they go to and so on. But now he has a new partner who sent me a threatening text message saying 'I wish you'd just disappear you dirty slag' so I think she's probably encouraged him to do this. The things that trouble me are: I was REALLY nasty to him when he said he'd take me to court and shouted and so on - which would stand against me in court. Plus - if it does go to court I can't afford a solicitor and I don't want it to come to that because of the children (and I don't want him to hire a great solicitor who'll take the children away.

I'm SO sorry I've written such a lot here, but I'm just so worried. I have no problems with him seeing them. I've said, 'Let me know in advance once a week when you're free and they can see him.' But I'm so concerned he'll try and take them away - you know, take them out for the day and never come back. I'd really appreciate help here - any experience anyone's had, or any legal advice.

Sorry you are going through all this. If he does go to a solicitor, you will need to get one yourself - do you think you may qualify for Legal Aid? Bear in mind that Legal Aid for these matters will stop in April.

Would you consider Mediation? Sometimes this can resolve things before going to court.

It would be difficult to "take the children away" unless he had very good grounds for applying for residency. The court will always look at what is best for the children.

If he applies for a contact order, this may be a good thing for everyone. Dates and times have to be agreed and stuck to, so the children especially will know where they stand.

The best piece of advice I was given was to record everything. Keep text messages, record telephone conversations and face-to-face conversations. Be clear and concise with your Ex about arrangements. Put things into writing or emails if you can.

What kind of nasty were you? Were you threatening? Did the children see/hear anything?

Thanks for your advice. I've never threatened him, but I did - so stupidly - before he mentioned the court thing call him a spineless loser. I'm an idiot. And swore blue murder down the phone at him when he spoke about court. I get the feeling he's probably kept that text. It's just he gave our son a mobile phone so he could arrange when to see them via our child (a nine year old), rather than through me (because his partner doesn't want him talking to me), and I thought that was spineless. The children told me he asks them: 'Do you think mummy likes me?' They know I don't like him. But they didn't overhear. So I wonder if that's got something to do with his own court evidence. I know I shouldn't have lost my temper and I really regret it, but the damage is done on my part.