CSA advice for a man.

[GHoll]

Hi,

hope you don't mind if I ask a question and get your opinion, I will try to relay the facts without exaggeration and keep it short.

I have a 12 year old son who I have supported financially and spent alternate weekends with him since birth, i have a legally signed PRA form.

For 10 years I have given him mum between £350 and £400 / month till 2011. In addition I pay for his social needs, clothing, educational aids, school uniform, entertainment, Tennis lessons, kick boxing, gymnastics, swimming, theatre, private tennis coaching, mobile phone bills, opened a savings account, started a Junior ISA and saturday language classes.

I am a normal guy on an average London salary, before my own mortgage and bills and expenses.

My son is mad about tennis and so we agreed to cut his other activities and focus on that, he competes at junior level and wants to be a Professional, tennis is not an easy or cheap sport, alot of coaching and matches and ferrying around, which is costly and time consuming, but happily deal with.

During that time, I have been falsely accused of assaulting her, reported to police, her family verbally attacking me, my son being told im irresponsible father, and was never there for him as a baby, I hit her, bullied her, im a liar and unreliable, cutting our phone conversations short, hanging up his phone when I call, not taking him to tennis matches on her weekend, I am not allowed to take him either.

I have put up with this for a long time and decided it has to stop now. I normally just ignore it all and carry on, but im starting to despise her deeply and the image she has portrayed me to be, to my son.

As of this month I stopped the monthly direct debit to her and decided to pay his needs myself to the parties concerned. I Contacted the mediation people and explained the situation, before going to court. I have not taken this step before as I dont want to harm my son. I want her to take up her issues with me not him, I feel she must not involve or attempt to influence his feelings towards me with false accusations.

30mins ago, I received a call from the CSA.

If I pay her directly, all his activities will stop, no tennis, no savings policy, no ISA, no meaningful sport, she has made it clear she does not want him to be a tennis player, but he has his heart set on playing tennis.

If I prove I invest over and above what I should pay her, and he gets what he needs, does this matter to the CSA? Will they be happy with that? I can prove all of the above.

Apologies, no short way to explain.

Gary

[Narked]

What is 15% of your net monthly income?

[GHoll]

Pie

I wrote this yesterday, guess how many people answered?

GHoll Thu 07-Feb-13 22:57:13
I am effectively paying twice, why? I have every right to question it, otherwise whats the point in the agreement?

[GHoll]

I think its time for my spiderman suit, banner and climbing ropes.

[STIDW]

Hang on a sec, you broke the agreement by withholding monthly payment?

[GHoll]

What agreement, it was voluntary, nothing official, circumstances change, belt tightening, she is working, I will resume payments but a farer split.....

Whats your point?

[STIDW]

You were asking what was the point of the agreement. There is no point to a voluntary agreement if you don't stick to it.

The CSA are only responsible for collecting payments from the time they initiate contact with you so you only need to pay the CSA amount and if you pay twice that is up to you.

[STIDW]

sorry that should be assessing payments. CSA can't back date before the time of the application.

[MsFanackerPants]

I genuinely do not understand what your issue is here after so many posts. Let me summarize for you.

If you do not wish to continue paying the amount you are, both directly to your ex and for activities, then you will need to pay 15% via the CSA. That maybe more or less than you pay now, I don't know as you haven't confirmed your income.

What your ex does with money that comes via the CSA is none of your business. The money is for maintenance for your son. If she has managed to raise your child for 12 years so far without starving him to death, freezing him to death or them living in a bx then I think you can reasonably assume she isn't spending it all on whisky, shoes or collecting china dolls.

If you want to pay for things additional over the 15% set by the CSA, then you can chose to do that. But it needs to be with good grace, no questioning of what that money is for. Or you could just go with your son to buy the shoes, the uniform and then you know that the money for shoes has indeed been spent on shoes.

I will say this. My parents split up. My mother on occasion badmouthed him, because he had walked away from his children. I continued to love and like my dad, until one year he decided that he didn't need to continue to pay maintenance. I didn't need my mother to bad mouth him to make me dislike him. I could see how hard it was to make ends meet, to pay the bills. I was aware of there being less food in the fridge and cupboards and that we had the heating on less. In the end my dad's actions made me distrust and dislike him. And now we are estranged.

[GHoll]

No, that is not what that was about. Its part of a statement, where I got abuse for asking what the money I contribute is being spent on ....Apparently she can spend it on tablets if she wants to.

Nevermind.... lets not get started on that again.

[PaperLantern]

Gholl - I'm struggling to see your problem.

Pay the CSA and get over it. If you want to contribute directly in addition. Contribute directly in addition, end of discussion.

TBH by the time you take into account rate heating water food etc etc, £400 doesn't go far to supporting a child. I'd be pretty hacked of with a NRP who was prepared to pay for tennis lessons but not contribute directly to the day to day boring stuff.

If my ex told me to write a list of my expenses I'd tell him to naff off too.

You're turning an everyday occurrence (resolving maintenance issues through the CSA) into a drama. That's really unhelpful to your son

[TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub]

Have you now paid the missing payment, G?

[PaperLantern]

oh and how is it ok for you to miss a payment because it clashes with other payments and you were short of funds

[GHoll]

For the last time and with all due respect, there has never been a CSA agreement, so please get it straight, when there is an agreement I will honour it.

[GHoll]

Paper -

see point above, there was IS/WAS NO CSA agreement.

[GHoll]

Paper,

This is all linked to another issue (dont go there unless your prepared to read 5 pages, which you havent) and used as leverage, poor judgement on my part I must add.

Moving on.....

[GHoll]

WHAT STATED AMOUNT????

This is all subjective theory. There was no......

i give up...........

[GHoll]

Until there has been a discussion between them and I, why is everyone so heated about an agreement that has yet to be made?

I will happily pay whatever the CSA want, it will halve my current costs, no problem with that whatsoever.

[TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub]

Have you now paid the missing payment, G? The one you stopped that triggered all this and that you have said upthread you shouldn't have stopped.

[GHoll]

Doctrine,

No I have not, now the CSA have been contacted, I will wait for their call and pay her what is due and leave it at that.

[ivykaty44]

well enid blyton works for the CSA so good luck with that one