Will contents regarding care of my dc

[Futureworries]

hello.. name changer but regular.
I am trying to sort myself out a will soon. My question is; can I care who I want my dc to live with and who their primary cater will be in the will.
exdh is a prolific drug user and cannot be trusted with the care or the dc. his gf also uses drugs and is not the person I would want involved in the care of our dc. (they use cannabis, coccaine, speed and ecstasy that I know of) - this has not always been the case and it is since our divorce exdh has gone done this route.
exdh currently does not have the dc overnight or for any length of time. he has no regular contact, it is on an as and when basis when he feels like it (not a good situation I know)
anyway - can I state in my will I would prefer my parents to have residency and be main care providers of the dc. I would like to state in my will that exdh cannot have care of children until he proves that he is clean of drugs again and for a specific time frame of being clean. I would happily provide provision for costs of such tests in my will to make sure this is done.
I just wondered if I can do this before I ask the solicitor about it!!
I know this would open a whole can of worms if I was to pass away and this came out as it is only myself and a friend of exdh who knows about his drug useage. he has no family to provide care of our dc, having lost both his parents and siblings - hence my parents being named as primary care givers if exdh cannot become clean again.
thankyou for reading :)

sorry.. on phone - I meant can I state who I want to be the primary care giver as I don't want exdh while he is still a heavy drug user and unreliable.

I think it is one for solicitor - does ex dh have pr? As that may complicate matters.

Your ex will have PR, as you were married.

OP, you can appoint a guardian in your will notwithstanding that your ex may survive you. I'm a will writer and this frequently comes up. You need to be aware that appointment of a guardian in those circumstances is not written in concrete, and that if your ex isn't happy then he could make an application to the court for a residence order under the Children Act.

The court would make whatever order it considers to be in the best interests of the children, and so if your children have a good, close relationship with the guardians and a poor or non-existent relationship with their father, and certainly if there is evidence of significant drug use, then there's a strong chance that the court would grant residence to the guardians.

I suggest that you don't go into all the ins and outs about why you're not happy with your ex having the dc in the will itself, as it will be a matter of public record one day. Far better to put something brief in the actual will, and do a letter explaining the background which you can destroy when the youngest child is 18 and it's no longer an issue.

I have a paid for advert over on MN Classifieds/Small Business section titled "5* Will Writing Service Recommended by Mumsnetters") if you're interested.

mumblech - thankyou.. I'll have a look.
are all wills made public record? exdh was recently left a very large sum of money from some one he had no contact with what so ever (it was I who sent regular cards and photos of the dc, exdh wanted nothing to do with his gp) however the dc were sent always chqs from this person every year on their birthdays and Christmas without fail, so I was wondering why they did this and left money to exdp (who refused ti even have his name put on a card to them) and not them. (saying that i now know they didnt know we had split up) would he have to tell the dc if they were left money ? he is spending it as fast as he can and although I know this is not my concern, it is if dc were left money and he is spending it.

oh!! I meant mumblechum!! typo again :(

Hi, yes, wills are on the public record.

It is possible also to request a copy of a will by writing to The Postal Searches & Copies Dept, York Probate Sub-Registry, 1st Floor, Castle Chambers, Clifford Street, York, YO1 9RG, giving the full name, address and date of death of the deceased, stating what you require and enclosing the £5 fee. Requests are not accepted by phone

If your ex has received a significant amount of money you may be able to pursue an application under Schedule 1 of the Children Act for a lump sum for the benefit of the children. It would need to be quite a lot of money to make this application worthwhile, but a chat with a solicitor specialising in family law would help you to decide. You could also discuss the current situation with regard to residence and contact. I don't know your circumstances but you may be entitled to free advice under the Legal Help scheme.

I should add that it is possible to obtain a freezing order in the high court to stop him spending any more of the money until the issue is resolved - but again, we would have to be talking larger sums for it to be worthwhile in terms of the cost of making such application.

I know he's had to pay inheritance tax but don't know about it all exactly. he has paid off our joint loan and my ccard (which I had to use to pay for childcare).. I had paid the Loan for four years by myself as he couldn't afford it.. so he thinks paying these things off is in lieu of maintenance now.

thankyou all for your help so far :)