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Original poster

Family Law advice please. Do I need to negotiate my holiday with ExP?

16 replies

hereagain99 · 14/01/2013 11:26

Hi there, I need your valueable advice again. ExP and I are negotiating contact and he is asking to know when I will be taking DD abroad to see my family. I know that he needs to give me written consent to take DD abroad as I don't have a residence order but do I need to negotiate our holidays with him?

I always take DD when she is with me and our trips to see my family don't affect his contact with her.

Thank you

OP posts:
olgaga · 14/01/2013 12:44

Well is there any indication he would refuse consent? You are going to have to discuss when you will be taking your holiday so that he can make his own plans.

This is useful basic information.

If he doesn't consent, you will have to go to court anyway.

MOSagain · 14/01/2013 12:58

Well if you are only planning on taking them during 'your' time with them why can't you just tell him the dates and then surely he will provide his written consent?

If he won't then as olgaga says, you will need to apply to the Court.

ChocHobNob · 15/01/2013 14:00

Is he actually expecting you to negotiate your holiday with him ... or is he simply asking for the dates of when you'll be away?

mumblechum1 · 15/01/2013 15:45

If you are both in agreement, you don't need to do anything formally. If you are concerned that he'll say he didn't agree, make sure you have a paper or at least an email trail.

Original poster
hereagain99 · 15/01/2013 18:57

Up until now he had to agree the dates and I was not allow to buy tickets without him giving me his consent. However I have always had problems getting the written consent to take DD abroad and when given it was wrong and full of mistakes.

OP posts:
olgaga · 16/01/2013 07:57

In that case I would simply draft the consent for him to sign and return to you. That way you know the details are accurate!

Original poster
hereagain99 · 16/01/2013 18:32

That wouldn't go down very well with him olgaga. He works in a Policy department and he is very good at writing so it would get him all cross. The problem isn't the fact of writing (some of the mistakes he has done is writing DD name and surname wrong although not all in the same letters). This type of mistakes are a bit suspicious.

He was very controlling in our relationship and he has already told me that I should buy flights tickets before he agrees to my dates. So the question is prety simple, does he need to agree to my dates or just sign the written consent? He sees DD every 8 weeks (his decision) so my holidays would never interfeer on DD seeing him.

Thanks for your link, I found it very useful.

OP posts:
doublecakeplease · 16/01/2013 18:40

Sorry - not read any of your previous posts so don't know any back story etc but i think it would be nice to discuss them - he's a parent too and should have some say about when his children are out of the country surely?? It would also set a good example to him about negotiating.

olgaga · 16/01/2013 23:01

He only sees her every 8 weeks??

So now I'm confused. I thought you meant he has residence. I really don't understand why you need permission to take her on holiday at all!

How would he know you had even been away?

He can't tell you to buy tickets and then tell you whether or not you can go. If that happens I would go and see a solicitor. Perhaps this year it would be better if you invested some money on that rather than a holiday!

I would just make the arrangements, tell him what they are, and if he wants to stop you you will have to go to court and do it all formally.

It sounds like you'll have to do that at some point anyway, if he's that difficult.

prh47bridge · 16/01/2013 23:40

I really don't understand why you need permission to take her on holiday at all

As I'm sure you are aware, she needs his permission because, in the absence of a residence order, taking a child out of the country without the consent (i.e. permission) of everyone with PR is a criminal offence. I presume the exP is named on the birth certificate so his permission is required.

hereagain99 - If he wants to agree the dates before granting his consent you have a choice. You either agree the dates with him or you try to get a court order. If he refuses to consent you can apply for a Specific Issue Order to resolve the matter. If he encourages you to buy tickets and then refuses consent it will be clear that he is unreasonable, especially if you have it in writing, and you should have no trouble getting the necessary order. Even without that it is highly unlikely an order would be refused for a genuine holiday.

olgaga · 17/01/2013 07:47

Didn't make myself particularly clear I know. I was thinking if he only bothers to see the child once every 8 weeks, why on earth would he bother? Unless, as you point out, he is being clearly unreasonable!

olgaga · 17/01/2013 07:48

You either agree the dates with him or you try to get a court order.

Absolutely!

MOSagain · 17/01/2013 08:09

Apply for a residence order. You can't spend the next 10 years worrying about whether you can or can't take your children on holiday

Original poster
hereagain99 · 17/01/2013 10:33

MOAgain: I have tried to convince myself that that was not necessary but probably the reality is that I have to do it. Thanks

The problem is that everything from his solicitors says that he won't deny DD to have contact with my family (that is when we go abroad) but the reality is that the only allows me 5 weeks per year and I have to ask his consent for the dates I can take DD away and then wait for the written consent which usually he sends a few days before departure and in most cases with the wrong information.

So in papers he seems cooperative but in reality he is not. How would that look if I try for a residence order? I know that courts prefer us to fix things between us.

OP posts:
MOSagain · 17/01/2013 14:18

You cannot live like that, it will make you ill and your DD will pick up on it. Do you put your requests in writing? If so, make sure they are dated and make sure you note the date he responds (email ideal as clearly dated). If you feel that you have no choice but to make such an application then you will have a clear record. Yes, he agrees, finally but it is not fair to keep you waiting until a few days before you are due to go.

He sounds like a bit of a control freak

Original poster
hereagain99 · 17/01/2013 19:57

Thanks MOSagain, this is not life to be honest so I have spoken with a solicitor today and I have an appointment tomorrow to go to court and apply for a residence court order, feeling a bit scare now.

I hope he doesn't take it too bad and yes he is a completely control freak believe, a nightmare to be with.

We don't talk on the phone, everything is done by email mainly and a few text but I always try even to reply to his texts by email so I have proof of everything.

Tanks again for all the advice. I will back soon like always Smile

OP posts:
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