Moving away from my sons father

[Lottie1986]

At the moment my sons father lives in the same town as us, and he has him overnight 1-2 nights a week. His father has told me that we are not allowed to move away. However for resons of a better lifestyle and family close by i would like to move a 45 minute drive away. I will not stop my sons father from seeing him it just means he will have to travel, which i know will be a problem to him. At the moment he is always changing times and days to whatever suits him due to football etc, or picking up our son just to pass him on to his grandmother instead of spending time with him. With this in mind i feel like he doesnt really put his son first but yet says his son cant move for a better life else where. Does he actually have rights to stop me moving 45 minutes away or would it be ok as im not leaving the country?

I've just done this, my situation is slightly different as dds dad had only 1 day a week and no overnights but in theory it's the same.

As far as I know (I may be wrong but this is what I was advised) he can apply for a court order but if it is found that you're a good mother who has the child's best interests in mind and are not putting him in danger etc etc and are are moving for good reason (ie family support) then they won't stop you moving. They may put a contact order in place specifying when and where contact has to take place but as long as you stay in the country I don't think he can stop you.

If you feel it's the right thing to do then you really must do it, it's honestly the best thing I've ever done and although dds dad hadn't made the effort yet she is much happier than where we were.

I'd talk to either the CAB or a solicitor and find out exactly where you stand then try to work out some kind of plan.

I don't know what your ex is like of course but what I did was sort myself out and packed in secret then told him 2 weeks before we left and told him the moving date had been brought forward. I felt bad for lying (to his mum more than him) but I couldn't trust him not to do something that could scupper the plan (I honestly thought dd wouldn't come back on the day he had her after I told him, thankfully she did!)

Good luck, it'll all work out in the end :)

How old is your DS?

Your ex can't stop you moving, but Wet is right, he can apply for a Prohibited Steps order to prevent you taking DS. However, I think it would be a pretty low thing to do not to give him some advance warning about something that is going to effect his relationship with his child to that extent. You could suggest mediation, give him a chance to get his head around it and come up with a plan that would work for you both. If he decides to go to court then that is his choice - it will be a hassle but I think it is the right thing to do to tell him. (Obvs assuming he's not abusive etc)

I think if the current situation is that DS has overnight contact with Dad or wider family twice a week, you would need to show the court your plan to maintain that level of contact - they may well expect you to do some of the travelling as you are moving. (Meeting half way, doing one of the journeys) Is travel a problem because he can't be bothered or is there a health issue?

You know the contact will be affected as you know he won't be able to do the travel.... That's low!

He has good contact now.... Almost shared care.... So beware

Also it's not about his rights, or yours, you don't have any within the children's act. Your child does tho.

The travel is that he wont be bothered. He lived 10 minutes away before and even tho i dont drive, if my mum was ever over as she does drive he would exspect me to take DS to him (who has just turned 5 by the way). So its not health issues or that he cant do the travel its that he cant be bothered. He even has a company car with diesel paid for.
The arrangement we have at the moment is what we have set up and its very flexiable (as i stated) no exact times cos it all depends what else is going on in DS fathers life to how long he has him for. However he has just threatened me with solicitors as i said DS could not take a new computer that me and my family brought to his house incase of lost or accidental breakage it was to stay in my property. So therefor if he does go through with taking me to court obviously they will set up arrangements.
At the moment i live in a council property that suffers with mold. Back in July i brought all new bedroom furniture due to the mold being so bad, and yesterday as i flipped the 6 month old matress i realise the mold is growing back. DS has asthema and im 11 days away from my due date with my lil lady. I also had used needles posted into my shed last week. Although i keep on at the council about these issues and more anti social behaivour in the area, nothing is done about it. I can not afford private rent in this area how ever the places 45 mins away are close to family and more affordable, even with a garden for DS to play in. These are the reasons i want to move and i would never stop his Dad from having him at weekends or holidays.
Thank you all for your advice, i didnt know who else to ask. I would always be straight with DS father if i get the opportunity to move and tell him straight away. If he wishes to act apon it and take me to court or whatever he can then i will just have to keep my fingers crossed. I just wondered if anyone else had been through it and wether he could stop me from moving to a better place for both DS and my unborn child.
Thank you :)