XH and my will should I die - can this be right?

[Gigaflops]

I'm in the process of redoing my will after my divorce from violent, thieving, abusive XH.

I've decided that should I die, everything is left to my DD (3yo) in trust until she's 21. To ensure her day to day needs are met, my sister has agreed to move into my home and be her mother to all intents and purposes. Her living expenses will be paid for by a life insurance policy. My sister will ensure DD sees XH as per our agreed contact arrangement, but DD will not live with XH (due to his past behaviour and current issues with caring for her properly).

In order to facilitate this, I'm taking out a residence order to make sure if he challenges my will after I'm gone, my wishes will be absolutely clear. However, today my solicitor has advised that if he wanted to, even after the clean break of our divorce, XH could litigate against my estate for a portion of my assets "on behalf of" DD - even though she won't be living with him. As this is a man who has stolen 68k from me, fractured my skull with a door, cut DD's hair off after a disagreement with me - I do NOT want this to happen!! Any advice on how to make sure my estate is kept for DD - and not for dreadful XH?

Thanks!

Oh my God! No advice, but I'm horrified. I hope your solicitor is mistaken - does he mean that your XH could fight for custody of your child and then claim some of your estate in order to support her? Or, as I read it, that he could just try to grab some even if she stays with your sister?

Hi Lala! Thanks for the reply...

It seems to be both - if he applied for custody, as he still has parental responsibility, and he got it, then he could ask for my estate to go to him in order to raise DD. (and between you & me, if he ever found out about the life insurance policy that is EXACTLY what he would do - live off my money and never work again!)
Also, as he has PR, and takes DD overnight every second weekend, he could theoretically apply for money to look after her, even though he pays maintenance to me for her upkeep now.

What a mess... I thought I was free of him forever - he'll never leave me alone, even after I'm dead! God, how miserable...

Is there any way that I could make sure he never gets custody of her?

I think it would be way to easy for him to get custody of her - could you leave everything to your sister?

then DD gets nothing... and she deserves much more than that!

Exactly Natasha - that's what the solicitor said - that he could apply as a "litigation friend" of DD, my dependant, to get money. Is this right? Is it normal to do this? and how do I prevent it?

did you ever sign one of those things, to do with the statement of arrangements. Whereby either of you have no claim at all on anything. That's it a 'clean break'.

I worry too that dd would have to live with her father should anything happen to me, as he too has joint parental responsibility.

Yes but he would be claiming from an adult not a child's estate might make him think more

Also he could only claim equiv maintenance.

The biggest issue is custody as he has overnight contact and PR.

I have a similar issue 're contact and siblings - our solicitor says we can only tell people what our wishes are - which are that this person never has contact with dcs (wouldn't dare while we are alive).

Hi Pirate - yes, we have a clean break in the divorce agreement - he has no claim on any money of mine after the divorce.

However - a dependent WOULD have a claim, and this is where he could take advantage - by claiming for DD's benefit (even though sh would be well taken care of) either by demanding custody and maintenance to live with him, or as a carer of her part time.

It seems the biggest hurdle here is his PR - is that something that can be taken away? (disclaimer - I'm not trying to take DD away from him, and have always facilitated their visits even when he was being difficult)

An example being - his car was crushed recently due to unpaid road tax, no insurance, and driving without a licence - so I have been driving DD almost an hour each way to see him (even though he chose to live so far away, and I had no obligation to!)

Do you or did you have any court judgements against him ?

Was there any prosecution regarding your fractured skull ?

I would be really quite surprised if you cannot use these matters against him to have him legally written out of DD's life.

Did the solicitor seem proactive in looking to use this history to solve the problem or were they just covering their ass ?

OP, you can put the money into trust through your will and your trustees (people YOU appoint) take the money out as and when your dd needs it, to pay for her expenses whether she lives with her dad or your sister.

I did this when I made my will. I used a mumsnetter (Mumblechum) who runs her own will writing business which is advertised on Classified (Small Business) on Mumsnet.

That way I know that if I die before my dc are 18, their maintenance will come out of the trust but won't go through my ex's hands. If he needs money to pay for anything he has to ask the trustees and they have to agree.

DH and I each have a similar will to knackeredknees - basically the money goes to our children in trust, but there is money available for the children's needs if applied for via the trust. We have also specified it be available for the following things (at a minimum) to make it as easier as possible:

• extending the house / buying a bigger house (as my sister will have them and her house would be too small)
• school expenses
• reasonable living expenses
• buying a bigger / second car
• family holidays

I thought it was possible to state clearly in the Will or a side letter precisely why you didn't want somebody to have something. That way, there's clear written evidence of your intentions.

You need mumblechum. She did my will after separation and can talk you through the options and scenarios.

If you 100% trust your sister to do the right thing by DD maybe have the life insurance policy written in trust with her as the beneficiary - if this is done properly it means it does not form part of your estate under your will - it goes direct to your sis and there is no way anyone could challenge i don't think as it is nothing to do with your will/estate.

The risks - the money would be your sister's outright so you'd have to trust her, and also think that if she ever got divorced, made bankrupt, who the beneficiaries of her will would be etc.