Custody issue

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I am a father who has recently split up with my partner, at which point she took it upon herself to relocate 60 odd miles away to a relative. Given the mental health (recent suicide attempts and diagnosis of depression) along with the relatives drug and alcohol addiction as well as history of abuse towards my ex partner I have a duty to protect my daughter.

The ball is rolling as far as social work is concerned but whatever happens my daughter cannot be left in that environment.

I do have proof to back up what I am saying here so as far as that goes I am confident. Where I am not confident though is that with me being the father, I understand priority is given to the mother and rightly so.

If anyone here has suffered abuse they will understand that abusers never change whatever promises they make. The relative has made promises before and has apparently tried to change but has never stayed off drugs for more than a couple of months for 40 years, and the consequences before were awful, and with my young daughter there it is unthinkable. I believe her life is at risk and I am going out of my mind with worry and have not stopped looking for a solution, emailing politicians, speaking to police, social workers etc.

My ex-partner offered to let me see her and before we spoke again retracted the offer, then agreed to let me hear her via telephone, which she also never did. I'm terrified and I just want to protect my little girl.

Does anyone have any advice or know what my chances are, I cannot fail, or I fail my daughter.

I'm going by the tone of the posts, which is not 'desperate worry' so much as self-righteous rage at the disobedient slave daring to show some independence.

'The ball is rolling as far as social work is concerned but whatever happens my daughter cannot be left in that environment.

That is not your call to make.

As you've referred your concerns to the relevant professionals, you are best advised to allow them to make the necessary investigations/recommendations and abide by their judgement.

If you are named on the child's birth certificate you have joint parental responsibiity but, as you are not married to the child's mother and are the non-resident parent, she is not obliged to allow you to have contact with her child.

In the event that you are the ex partner of a poster on another board which, incidentally, will easily be ascertained by her solicitors communicating with Mumsnet, you are not doing yourself any favours whatsoever in hounding/harassing her or attempting to cast aspersions on her mental health and that of her mother.

If you are that ex partner and you wish to have any chance of seeing your dd outside of an occasional hour in the supervised environment of a contact centre, I would suggest you adopt a concilatory approach instead of proving her assertions that you are a controlling and abusive bellend.

This is very transparent. We are not stupid.

Your ex partner moved for very valid reasons. Let the agencies investigate and look over your "proof".

Bloody hell!! What STIDW said really

If this was a woman posting she'd have hordes of posters urging her to abduct the child and all sorts. Double standards

SGB I rather love you.

I wonder why more Fathers don't post on Mumsnet?

How do you know that they don't? Posters don't have to state their gender at the beginning or every post.

Male or female, posters on MN will get honest replies rather than fluffy ones, it's just the way MN is.

FFS some of the replies on this thread are VILE. If you think this poster is dodgy, then report him.
FWIW, this is a parent, asking for support and advice. Nothing he has posted has required the kind of venom aimed at him.
If this was a woman, the OP would have been believed, hugged, supprted and given advice.
Like the guidelines say, if you suspect a troll, report and do not engage.

I wonder why more Fathers don't post on Mumsnet?

Ooh I don't know, there always seem to be plenty of men moaning about lack of sex, or the fact that their wives don't appreciate them, or how the system is stacked against them...

Who knows why they come here - you'd think they'd spot the clue in the name.

Anyway it's nice to hear that the OP's ex made the break for freedom.

But I don't think OP is a troll. I think it's a genuine post. Why should he be reported? He has asked for advice and a view as to what his chances are. Everyone here has obligingly given him the benefit of their advice, and a view as to what they think his chances are.

Not sure what the problem is .

I've never seen such 'advice' given to mothers posting on similar issues.

Never, ever and I've been on here years.

Hmmm a self righteous, controlling dick, and go fuck yourself.
And they're the posts that didn't get deleted.

Very obliging.

Since when has calling someone a 'Bellend' been useful? or advice?
Not EVERY man is an abusive twat, not every woman is a victim.
Therer are some vile women out there. There are men out there who can and do make better/safer/more responsible parents than their partners.

Balderdash and Saggy, you're missing something here - there's a back story to this, but no-one will enlighten you further for very good reasons which would be obvious to you if you gave it some thought. If you're so outraged you can always hide the thread.

Sometimes things aren't what they seem.

If double standards apply it's because they apply in law TT as it is a fact that unmarried mother of a child has more rights in law than that of an unmarried father.

Please note that I have gone to some lengths not to call the OP a bellend, Saggy.

However, if this OP should be one and same as the, by all accounts, controlling and abusive ex partner of a young woman who recently posted on another board and who, together with his dear parents, has engaged in a relentless campaign to harass, undermine, and generally cause unnecessary distress to that young woman to the extent that his dear father chose to respond on her thread and thereon, among other allegations designed to paint her as an unfit mother, claimed she is suffering from pnd, I will happily add more colourful adjectives to that of 'bellend'.

Look if you want to help him then post advice. Reversing the sexes just doesn't work. There is no reason to doubt a woman as this a rare female dominated space. Plenty of women post very similar stories. without an arrogant undertone Men who come on here should have to justify themselves not least because more often than not they are not genuine because too many women suffer at the hands of abusive men. And contrary to Daily Fail opinion women do not just up and leave perfectly good relationships with young children. Statistically, they are likely to have been abused

Having seen the other thread SGB refers to, there's no doubt in my mind.

Of all the places in the whole internet (which is massively stacked in favour of men), this man just happened to choose this site to ask for advice about "custody"? Really?

If still in doubt, look at the tone and the fact he ran off claiming abuse when someone asked a few difficult but reasonable questions.

Sometimes women post, asking for 'advice' and it is obvious either from their first post or later posts that they are either bullies or raving mad, and they get told so. and the thread implodes . Most people are neither gender-biased nor stupid, and will deal with posters according to the circumstances, the information given and the tone of the post.

Of all the places in the whole internet (which is massively stacked in favour of men), this man just happened to choose this site to ask for advice about "custody"? Really?

Quite - and as for these accusations of bias, I have seen plenty of women on here criticised, insulted and given very unhelpful advice even when they have very good reasons for wanting leave a relationship or limit contact with fathers and other family members. Even when it is obvious that they have very good reason to fear for themselves and the welfare of their children, they will be reminded that courts have the power to change residence orders in favour of the NRP or other such "helpful" advice.

I am constantly amazed at what women will put up with (often for years on end) for the sake of trying to maintain relationships and keep everyone else happy, and how they are forced to justify themselves even here.

There aren't many good parenting websites around, and as this is the biggest it's how I (a man and a parent) ended up here.

By parents for parents.

Men do get treated differently on here.

By parents for parents

Yes - and Mums are parents!

Men do get treated differently on here.

Lots of people get a flaming on here. When it happens it's usually due to their attitude and approach. I have also seen threads where men have been given honest, sympathetic and helpful advice on parenting and relationship matters.

I note that you haven't posted a single comment or observation on this thread aimed at the OP. You haven't offered any help or advice.

All you have done is try to remonstrate with other posters because you perceive a bias in favour of women. What's puzzling is why you think that's remarkable on a website called "Mumsnet".

There are tons of websites out there. If you don't like the tone of the conversations here perhaps you should find something that suits you better. You are certainly wasting your time if you think you can come here and tell people what they should be thinking and saying.

Men do get treated differently on here

Perhaps the clue is in the title Mumsnet, piffle.

If a father can't take the heat is dissatified with responses he receives on this site, he's free to join DadsNet.