STBX 'had' to take lower paying job

[fedupandscared]

I've name changed for this as my circumstances are quite unusual and I can easily out myself which I don't want to do.

The background is - stbx left about a year ago, following which I instigated divorce proceedings. Shortly after receiving the proceedings he cut off financial support for me and our two children (4 and 1 years old at the time) and has not paid anything since. I have been living at my parents and providing for the children and I using my pre-marital savings. I don't have a job at the moment and so have no income.

I have been asking him for an interim monthly maintenance payment since the beginning of the year - based purely on a financial calculation of what has been going out of my account from my savings each month (excepting my legal expenses). To date he has provided nothing claiming he can't afford anything. We have recently done financial disclosure and I have seen his statements which show he is spending a large amount of money each month on non essential items (clothes, holidays, restaurants, entertainment etc).

He is the MD of a family business in which his father owns all of the shares. The board of directors are comprised of him, his father and his brothers and sisters. I saw from his statements that around the date he would have received the divorce papers from me, his salary dropped by half, but he received 'loans' from his parents which took his income to about the same level as before his salary halved. I put this to him that it looked as if he was trying to mask his true income which I didn't think would go down very well if I had to take him to court for a maintenance pending suit. Now he has just told me that he has 'had to step down as MD' and take a lower paid position in the family company.

I don't think it's any coincidence and I think it's a blatant attempt to wriggle out of any maintenance payments. I can imagine that once the finances are sorted between us he will miraculously step back up as MD and his salary will increase again. Can anyone tell me if this is legitimate way of operating in divorce proceedings, or if a judge will see through it? If so, what 'proof' would I need to indicate that it's a sham? I'm not sure how to prove it other than stating that before he left us he was able to provide for me to be a SAHM and our two children, and now, suddenly, he can't provide anything at all. Any advice would be greatly welcome. I am so worried about mine and the children's future. We cannot live at my parents for much longer (we are all going round the twist) and my savings are running out. For various reasons I am struggling with finding employment at the moment and with having my youngest at home full time it all seems completely hopeless.

Surely your solicitor is advising you? If not, find another one.

Relationship Breakdown and Divorce ? Advice and Links

General

Read everything you can get your hands on. Get familiar with the language of family law and procedure and try to get an understanding of your rights BEFORE you see a solicitor. Get word of mouth recommendations for family lawyers in your area if possible. If you have children at school, ask mums you are friendly with if they know of anyone who can make a recommendation in your area. These days there are few people who don?t know of anyone who has been through a divorce or separation ? there?s a lot of knowledge and support out there!

If there are children involved, their interests will always come first. It is the children?s right to maintain a meaningful relationship with the non-resident parent (NRP) ? not the other way around. Children are not possessions to be ?fairly? divided between separating parents. Parents have no rights, only responsibilities. A divorce will not be granted where children are involved unless there are agreed arrangements for finance, and care of the children (?Statement of Arrangements for Children?). It is obviously quicker and cheaper if this can be agreed but if there is no agreement, the Court will make an Order (?Residence and Contact? regarding children, ?Financial Order? or ?Ancillary Relief? in the case of Finance)

Many family lawyers will offer the first half hour consultation free. Make use of this. Don?t just stick with the first lawyer you find ? shop around and find someone you feel comfortable with. You may be in for a long haul, so it helps if you can find a solicitor you?re happy with.

If you can?t find any local recommendations, always see a solicitor who specialises in Family Law. You can search by area here:

www.resolution.org.uk/

You can also find family law solicitors here:

www.lawsociety.org.uk/areasoflaw/view=areasoflawdetails.law?AREAOFLAW=Family%20law&AREAOFLAWID=36

Check your eligibility for Legal Aid here:

legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk/calculators/eligiCalc?execution=e1s1

Some family law solicitors publish online feedback from clients ? Google solicitors to see if any recommendations or feedback exists.

Mediation

You will be encouraged to attend mediation. If there has been violence or emotional abuse, discuss this with your solicitor first. Always get legal advice, or at the very least make sure you are aware of your legal rights, before you begin mediation.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/Endingamarriageorcivilpartnership/Planningadivorce/DG_194401

Married or Living Together?

This is a key question. If you are married, generally speaking you have greater protection when a relationship breaks down.

Legal Issues around marriage/cohabitation and relationship breakdown are explained here:

www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm#Ending_a_relationship

static.advicenow.org.uk/files/benefits-and-livingtogether-2010-11-1161.pdf

DirectGov advice on divorce, separation and relationship breakdown:
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/index.htm

Legal Rights are further explained here:

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php#children_relationship_breakdown

I found these guides from law firms quite informative and easy to read ? there are others of course:

www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/uploaded/documents/Surviving-Family-Conflict-and-Divorce---2nd-edition.pdf

www.terry.co.uk/hindex.html

Finance

Before you see a family law solicitor, get hold of every single piece of financial information you can, and take copies. Wage slips, P60s, tax returns, employment contracts, pensions and other statements ? savings, current account and mortgages, deeds, rental leases, utility bills, council tax bills, credit statements. Are there joint assets such as a home, pensions, savings, shares?

Handy tax credits calculator:

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Handy 5 Minute benefit check, tax and housing benefit calculators:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/

Child Maintenance Calculator:

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Further advice and support

www.maypole.org.uk/

www.womensaid.org.uk/

www.gingerbread.org.uk/

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships
(Re Shelter, if you are not in England follow the link at the top)

Thanks for all the links and info olgaga - I will read through them.

The problem with my solicitor is that he's the partner of the solicitor I used on a separate matter to do with custody of the children. She was absolutely excellent and I still have cause to use her for some ongoing matters relating to custody, but it's her partner who deals with the divorce/financial side and I have less faith in him. He seems so defensive all the time.

I have asked him about my ex claiming he's had to step down as MD and take a lower paying role in the family business but he's yet to get back to me on it, and there are so many other issues that it keeps getting lost in the quagmire. I thought I read something about 'earning capacity' but I'm not sure how it works? Or how a maintenance pending suit works? My solicitor has told me he wants 'proof' of what I need for a maintenance pending suit, but I've given him all my bank statements which detail what goes out of my account, so i'm not sure what else I can give him???