Joint parental custody: Ex is saying he wants joint responsibility

[ratflavouredjelly]

Hi there
I am at the beginnings of process of filing for divorce. We have DS (5) and DD (3). OH is asking for 50% of the equity once we sell out house. I am under the understanding that it starts 50/50 if no children involved and the majority goes to the main carer.

He is trying to get more equity by
1: Asking for joint custody/joint parental responsibility.
2: Stating he wants the children to stay with him 2 nights every week and every other weekend. Wanting to have them every other birthday and every other xmas.

I can't agree to this and feel 2 nights every week is too unsettling for the kids and I don't want them away from me that long. Can anyone advise on my rights? I thought being their mum I should be the main carer. He is currently unemployed (divorcing over his financial mismanagement) and I have been supporting everybody, I am employed 3 days a week.

Very upset that I feel like he is trying to take my beautiful little ones away from me for too much of the time.

Thanks again for your posts on here. It is important that you are frank - hard to swallow sometimes but necessary so I can build up a picture of other peoples experiences along with legal considerations.

STIDW yes that makes sense about different legislation for finances £ childcare. We have between us done a draft of the 'statement of arrangements' for the children. I think we can do this without mediation.

However, I just don't know where to start with the finances. It's tricky. He is a prat with money. But we are really trying hard to get on (and no arguing in front of kids) and are finding the arrangements for the kids ok. I would never treat them as possessions BTW olgaga .

In order to request a petition for divorce/decree absolute. Can I submit the statement of arrangements & the request for divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour? Or do I gave to submit a form detailing finance arrangements at this stage too?

As the kids are most important, we have tackled statement of arrangement first.

Thanks for your suggestions/experiences on sharing xmas/birthdays etc Couthy threelittkemonkeys mammytomany and others

Hey I'm not saying you would! I'm saying some parents do - usually the ones who leave and want an easier life financially - ie give me the kids 50% of the time then I won't have to pay you any maintenance.

First complete the petition for divorce and send it along to court along with your marriage certificate, the statement of arrangements and court fee. If you can agree the reasons for UB between you and who is to pay the costs beforehand it helps smooth the way for negotiating finances. In the meantime whilst the first part of the divorce the nisi is being granted you can negotiate finances. If you can reach agreement you will need a solicitor to draft a consent order to document the agreement. It's usual to submit the consent order to the court for approval after the nisi but before the final part of divorce, the absolute.

The finances are a more tricky and most people benefit from mediation and/or input from a solicitor.

olgaga no worries I understand why tou brought that up. I did wonder if my OH was doing that but he does adore the kids (just doesn't have any authority really, or any idea on multitasking, laughs out loud at thought of him meal planning...

STIDW right I see. That clears things up. How much canI expe t to pay for court as a ball park? Any idea?
Yeah, we're going to need to seek help with arranging finances. Will look into local mediators. He will probably get a reduced rate, I won't though.

Ok things getting tricky now. Found out he's lied to me again about mortgage. Said it had been paid, went to bank & found out he paid a cheque in July, it bounced, so we are now a month in arrears for mortgage. He pretended all paid!! He paid a cheque in August for 2 months mortgage - it bounced again. He paid some cash in end of August - not enough to cover mortgage. Am furious. Financial mismanagement again.

Now he is signing on, he seems happy for divorce to proceed and I'd getting estate agents l, r & centre to look at the house which he wants sold. He is getting legal advice free and also doesn't have to pay court costs or much maintenance when if comes to it.

So although my grounds are his financial mismanagement he actually benefits from not paying costs, refuses to leave house, is watching TV, using all facilities without paying council tax, bills, household expenses or anything towards his kids. Has been like this for months. Meanwhile, my credit is getting trashed trying to pay for all bills etc. this arrears also affects my ability to get mortgage in future.

Because I cannot pay £340 court fee for D8 form immediately. He is saying he will cross petition me. Can anyone advise what a cross petition is?

Any advice always appreciated 'bump'

Cannot offer advice, but bumping for you. So sorry he's left you with so much debt. x

When someone petitions for divorce it's possible for the other spouse to start their own divorce so the two petitions cross. If you don't petition there won't be a cross-petition but your husband could apply for the divorce which would save you the bother. Just be wary of costs.

There is a court fee remission/ exemption for people on low incomes receiving Income Support or JSA.

Please Help Me:
I am going through a terrible time here I have one son who is 7, his dad has never done anything for him in the last 7 years and I mean nothing, not fed him, bathed him, read bed time stories, given him medicine, he is not doing anything for him now, he goes away at 24 hour notice from work he doesn't ring him or text to see how he is. We are at Nisi stage in our divorce and with xmas coming up the urguments have started as to who has him and when. My son has never been away from me at night and need medicine in the morning and at night, his dad won't give him the medicine, and won't look after him proerly, he says I have to trust how can I when I know he won't do it. My son has a bad cough at night at the moment and his dad ignores this he doesn't get up to see if he is okay.
I know it's important for children to see their other parent and I have said he can have him from 9am to 7pm on boxing day but he want's him overnight. How can I stop him.

This man is horrible and tries to control the situation anyway possible, I know he is the boys dad but why should he have the right when he doesn't do anything for him now.

My solicitor isn't helping, I have no money and no job I have signed up for job seeking allowance but I can't live on 75 a week, he thinks that by putting on a form that he wants him 2 days a week he can get away with giving us very little money. He thinks its about the money all the time, I would live in a hovel than be with this man any longer than I have to. We share the house at the moment, he makes me do his washing and ironing as otherwise he'll take my allowance away and I won't have any money for food. He says if I don't let his mother visit he'll take our son to his mum's and she lives 200 miles away, so i let her stay even though she is a cow. Then xmas, i'm not ready to give in to this ma over contact with his son, he hardly knows the man. and yes i know he has a right but why can't he be reasonable and do things slowly. If i give in to overnight now i've lost and i won't stand a chance of stopping him in the future.

I have to think of my son, he is my main concern, if his father is not prepared to give him his needed medication overnight how can i let him stay.

You will get more answers if you start your own thread rather than reviving a 5-year old thread.

Listen to your solicitor. They may well be telling you that it is unlikely that you can stop your ex having your son overnight. That is not being unhelpful. It is being realistic.

His request is reasonable & in fact could be a lot worse - he could ask to have them 50% of the time. My DC father has them 2 nights a week (one DC was 9 months old). My friends ex has joint residence meaning they one week with Mum and one week with Dad. Good luck

Sorry initially only read the first comment - now read all posts. Bit late to the party, ignore my post as it's useless haha.
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