Residence and contact help

[TheQueenOfDiamonds]

I'll try to keep it short.
My partner walked out on sunday. He rang me blind drunk to tell me he wasn't coming home. Since then he has proceeded to go out on the piss, tell me how selfish and lazy i am and not bothered to ask about our son until today (Despite son being very poorly).

I have been accused of harrassing his family, however, I have record of texts, The only texts i have sent them was to 1) Ask if they had spoken to him as i didn't know where he was (Before he told me he wasn't coming home) 2) Warn them that our son has the measles, and that it would be dangerous for him to be in contact with his sister in law as she is pregnant and 3) Begging them to get him to sort out his dog as i cannot physically look after it and he has just left it with me.

He keeps saying he wants to see our son. I have no intention of preventing this, however, he is making it difficult for himself because that is literally all he says 'i want to see DS' 'I WILL be seeing ds'. If he laid out some suggestions or a reasonable plan of action i would happily discuss and try to come to an agreement.

My priority however, Is securing some form of court order that would prevent him from removing our son without my consent. My daughters father did that to me and it was hell. I will not risk going through it again.

I do not necessarily need to go to court over contact, i am happy to agree this ourselves.

I just want my son to be offically resident with me, and something to stop him just turning up and taking him, as he has moved 100 miles away, our son is breastfed, and i have read messages where he has been discussing walking out with DS and refusing to allow me near him.

I am sorry you are going through this. I am pretty sure you will need to go to court to get residence order. I had to in the end and it has made me relax a bit. Can you get a copy of the text messages to take to the court to get an emergency residence order?

Yes i can print all messages out.. There are ones discussing taking my son and just leaving while im out of the house, or just picking him up and running out the door into a waiting car etc. There are also messages where hes been saying he should smash me in with a brick and make it look like an accident.

Im going to ring the court tomorrow for the paperwork, Im quite capable of self representing ive just never started it myself before, and wanted to double check that a residence order is what i need

I have no idea if a residency order is what you need but after the brick comment I would be going for a non-molestation order too

My ex threatened the same and my solicitor told me to not allow unsupervised contact until residency had been sorted out. I too would be going for a non molestation order and also showing it to the police. What a prick!

for workshy a residency order states who the child should reside with and the NRP has to bring child back on times stated by order or police can get involved. It also stops NRP from being able to take child out of the country without written permission of the RP.

The father already needs the OP's permission (which doesn't have to be in writing) before taking the child out of the country. The only effect a residence order would have in that regard would be to allow the OP to take her child out of the country for up to a month without the father's consent.

A residence order does not state the times a child must be brought back. That belongs in a contact order.

prh47 - I know that, I don't want specific times etc, i just want him to not be able to take my child and not bring him back. IE at present, As there is no court order and he is on the birth certificate, he is well within his rights to walk in, pick my son up and leave and not come back. I do not want him to be allowed to do that as it would be damaging to our son.

Thats why I said times stated in an order. I have taken my DS out of the country without asking for his permission before I had a residency order. There is nothing stopping him from doing the same right now but he could choose not to return. With a residency order this helps if he chooses to abscond with your son abroad.

Happylander - To take a child out of the country you MUST have the consent of everyone who has PR unless you have a residence order. If you do not have everyone's consent you are potentially guilty of child abduction.

That is what I am saying I took my DS before I knew you had to get it. My point is that there is nothing stopping him from doing it and if there isn't a residence order in place then it is harder to get the child back.

Information for you here:

Relationship Breakdown and Divorce ? Advice and Links

General

Read everything you can get your hands on. Get familiar with the language of family law and procedure and try to get an understanding of your rights BEFORE you see a solicitor. Get word of mouth recommendations for family lawyers in your area if possible. If you have children at school, ask mums you are friendly with if they know of anyone who can make a recommendation in your area. These days there are few people who don?t know of anyone who has been through a divorce or separation ? there?s a lot of knowledge and support out there!

If there are children involved, their interests will always come first. It is the children?s right to maintain a meaningful relationship with the non-resident parent (NRP) ? not the other way around. Children are not possessions to be ?fairly? divided between separating parents. Parents have no rights, only responsibilities. A divorce will not be granted where children are involved unless there are agreed arrangements for finance, and care of the children (?Statement of Arrangements for Children?). It is obviously quicker and cheaper if this can be agreed but if there is no agreement, the Court will make an Order (?Residence and Contact? regarding children, ?Financial Order? or ?Ancillary Relief? in the case of Finance)

Many family lawyers will offer the first half hour consultation free. Make use of this. Don?t just stick with the first lawyer you find ? shop around and find someone you feel comfortable with. You may be in for a long haul, so it helps if you can find a solicitor you?re happy with.

If you can?t find any local recommendations, always see a solicitor who specialises in Family Law. You can search by area here:

www.resolution.org.uk/

You can also find family law solicitors here:

www.lawsociety.org.uk/areasoflaw/view=areasoflawdetails.law?AREAOFLAW=Family%20law&AREAOFLAWID=36

Check your eligibility for Legal Aid here:

legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk/calculators/eligiCalc?execution=e1s1

Some family law solicitors publish online feedback from clients ? Google solicitors to see if any recommendations or feedback exists.

Mediation

You will be encouraged to attend mediation. If there has been violence or emotional abuse, discuss this with your solicitor first. Always get legal advice, or at the very least make sure you are aware of your legal rights, before you begin mediation.

Married or Living Together?

This is a key question. If you are married, generally speaking you have greater protection when a relationship breaks down.

Legal Issues around marriage/cohabitation and relationship breakdown are explained here:

www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm#Ending_a_relationship

static.advicenow.org.uk/files/benefits-and-livingtogether-2010-11-1161.pdf

DirectGov advice on divorce, separation and relationship breakdown:
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/index.htm

Legal Rights are further explained here:

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php#children_relationship_breakdown

I found these guides from law firms quite informative and easy to read ? there are others of course:

www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/uploaded/documents/Surviving-Family-Conflict-and-Divorce---2nd-edition.pdf

www.terry.co.uk/hindex.html

Finance

Before you see a family law solicitor, get hold of every single piece of financial information you can, and take copies. Wage slips, P60s, tax returns, employment contracts, pensions and other statements ? savings, current account and mortgages, deeds, rental leases, utility bills, council tax bills, credit statements. Are there joint assets such as a home, pensions, savings, shares?

Handy tax credits calculator:

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Handy 5 Minute benefit check, tax and housing benefit calculators:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/

Child Maintenance Calculator:

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Further advice and support

www.maypole.org.uk/

www.womensaid.org.uk/

www.gingerbread.org.uk/

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships
(Re Shelter, if you are not in England follow the link at the top)