Advice needed re divorce after 4 years of separation

[performancegirl]

Hi, i was just after a little bit of advice really about divorce & the best way forward. H & I have been separated for nearly 4 years, he moved out at my behest & has been renting a place ever since. There was no one else involved & we agreed that we would separate for 2 years & then divorce.

I remained in our flat with the DC's (now nearly 7 & nearly 5) & have paid the mortgage on my own ever since although his name is still on it. He has not paid any maintenance although has had the boys 2 nights a week since we split (recently started having them 3 nights a week).

He pays half of nursrey fees for DS2 & half of DS1 after school club fees but does not buy clothes etc for them apart from the occasional thing. I started a relationshiop about 4 months ago (my first since splitting with H, he is still single, generally down & still feeling sorry for himself over what happened but things are mostly ok between us) & I've realised i can't keep putting off the divorce etc for ever.

Basically i'm worried about how he will react & have no idea what sort of settlement will be required, how much i will need to give him in order to get the mortgage into my name ( would not be able to afford to move & will have to buy him out). I also know that he will dissolve into panic as he does whenever anything mildly stressful happens & this will make him adverserial which we had both hoped to avoid.

Would really appreciate any advice as to what i can reasonably expect from a settlement & if it would be possible/feasible for me to ak him to waive some of the money he would have made from the sale of the property in lieu of the fact that he has never paid maintenance. I earn about 4K more than him but we both do the same jopb, i am just higher up the pay scale than he is so we will be on the same wage ina few years if i do get another job.

Many thanks! (didn't mean it to be so long!!)

A solicitor in possession of the relevant facts is in the best position to advise where you stand and what options there are. The specific details are important and there isn't enough detail for anyone to make anything more than general comments. If you can reach an agreement between yourselves or with the help of a mediator a solicitor can draft the necessary legal documents.

Mediation can be quite useful because you go through the figures together with a mediator and try to find a way forward that can work for everyone involved. It's cheaper and less damaging to long term family relationships if you can reach agreement yourselves.

Even though you have been separated for sometime it can be difficult for an ex-spouse to come to terms with a new partner. It's one thing getting over the separation from a partner but it's another realising that the family as it was is over and a third party will be involved with your children. Ultimately your ex has to deal with the issue but a bit of tact and sensitivity doesn't go amiss, particularly as you have managed to remain civil so far.