Dad been with partner for 19 years, worried about putting poa in her sole name

[Worriedlondon]

Ok brief. Dad being tested for dementia. His partner who is lovely worried about money and I agreed to set up power of attorney solely for her. Dad was very private about his dish but always supported his partner. Someone mentioned that if I grant her access to all of his money, some of her family may think all of their Sunday's have come at once. Dad wouldn't want them to have anything but would want his partner to go on living the same way.

I am not sure how to broach this. They are in their eighties. it seems like I would now be saying that I don't trust her. Help, it's keeping me awake?

Joint power of attorney you and her?

Since she's in her 80's too it sounds like a good idea so that you can handle their joint affairs should they both pass away? That's a way of justifying it to her/her family (not that you need to).

Agreed - I'd say something along the lines of it's probably better for it to be a shared responsibility as it'll be less worrying for her that way?

FWIW, my parents have enduring PoAs set up to avoid a Dynasty-style showdown between my mum's children (me and my bro) and my step-dad's three. So for each of them me and my oldest step-bro have POA. Which is a shame as I would definitely win in a Dynasty-style showdown :)

I think it might be worth getting all the difficult conversations over at once and checking they do have recent or at least relevant wills set up.

Thanks for your replies. I just feel uneasy about it all. You are right of course. I am not sure that dad would want to share his private details with me is what's bothering me.

Oh and tribpot, I get that feeling already, lol

I understand it's upsetting but unfortunately that's the reality of dementia. (Which, btw, is why I think my parents were very smart to get all of this put in place long before it could be needed, when it could all be decided in a very objective way without the understandable emotion of life-changing illness in the mix).

I think you probably just need to bite the bullet and do this - you have no need to exercise the PoA at this stage, I assume? But it's there and ready, then.