Wills query - blended family - arrangements for children

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

DH and I need to do our wills and we are really worried about arrangements for our DC. I have 2 DDs from my previous marriage, DH has 1 DD from his, we have a DS together.

We have been together for 5 years and from very early in our relationship have parented each others DC. DH and I have spoken about what we would like and it is basically for arrangements to remain as they are if one of us dies, my DDs staying with DH and seeing their DF every other weekend and holidays, DSD still having joint residency (week on/week off) here and at her DMs. Also, should we both die, how can we make arrangements that all the DC still see each other regularly? My DDs have always been treated the same as DSD by PIL and vice versa for DSD, and I would hate for them not to see them.

What can we do to arrange this? Should we speak to our exes? I think my ex might be agreeable to this, but almost certainly not DSDs Mum.

Thanks for reading my essay if you got this far.

Also, if we put our wishes in a will are they binding?

You can make a guardianship clause in a will granting parental responsibility to a named person on your death, but that only takes effect if you are the second parent to die.

You could grant your DH parental responsibility (with either the father's consent or an order of the court). He can grant you P.R. as well.

You cannot bind those that look after the children after you both die so that all 4 of them see each other regularly, though you could put a letter of wishes in with your will, and any carer of your children could apply to the court for a contact order with the others.

So if I am reading your reply correctly, we can get PR for each others dc but only really if the other parents agree and any arrangements we want would be entirely at the hands of the dcs other parents although we can express our wishes.

Does this mean that even if we get PR for each others DC we might be faced with a battle for residency/contact?

You could always be faced with a residence dispute whether any of you have PR or not.

You don't need the other parent's permission to give a step-parent PR - you could apply to the court.

Even if your H gets PR it doesn't stop the other parent applying for residence in the event of your death.

Thank you Collaborate, at least we know where we stand. How easy/costly is it to get PR via the court? Would I be right in thinking that if we have PR and there is a dispute we would be in a stronger position or wouldn't it make much difference?

Just the thought of DH dying is bad enough, the thought that I might have to fight to keep our dc together after is unbearable :(

I've never done a step-parent PR application, so I couldn't say how easily they are handed out. Generally, if it's in the interest of the child, the court should order it.

After your death, the father wouldn't be the only person in the world with the right to determine where your child lives.

Thank you C, its not actually that their father is a bad dad, but I offered him joint residency and he said no thanks, I like EOW. DH sees them as his and should the worst happen it would be good for the dc to have some stability.