what are my rights as a co-habiting parent?

[whattodoo]

We are not married.
DP is DD's biological father and is named on birth certificate.
Mortgage is in joint names, paid out of dp's bank account.
Savings are mostly in his name.
What are the implications if we split or one of us dies?
Am I his next of kin?
I feel really stupid asking all of this, I should know better to protect myself.

we were together for 18 years, when we looked into this as we have several businesses, home, and children,

we got married as it was the cheapest and easiest way to ensure there would be no issues should one of us have an accident,

that was six years ago, and we are still happy.

If you die without a will, given that you aren't married, then you will not automatically inherit his assets etc. They will go, by default, to your children. Hence it can get very complicated so you should definitely ensure you each have valid, up-to-date wills.

Also, you are not legally his next of kin. His parents would be able, in theory, to make life/death decisions over and above you. Again, this can be amended legally if you choose.

It is possibly easier to get married (and you get to have a party too) but the issues can be dealt with should you not want to marry. It will involve legal leg-work and solicitors' fees.

If you don't have wills you should both make them. You should also look into life assurance (with each other as the beneficiary) to ensure your mortgage is paid off in the event either of you dies.

Anyone can be next of kin. I have a card I carry in my wallet nominating my partner as my next of kin. We also have a "living together agreement" which defines what we agree to financially and in terms of "deal breakers" and what will happen should we split regarding our son and our house.

Or get married! It's cheaper, but I'm not a fan so had to do it the hard way instead

It's worse than that - if I remember rightly, not only does the money not automatically go to you, but you're also liable for inheritance/capital gains on it.

DP and I have also come to the conclusion that getting married is the cheapest solution - we just have to get around to booking it in.

Thanks everyone, lots to think about!

When my stepdad died my mum was left with a world of pain, no access to any of his money, no inheritance, not even mortgage money, because they weren't married and he didn't have a will. Technically his kids got the lot. In reality no-one did. Life insurance was never paid out on. My mum eventually lost her house and everything as a result.

Whole thing was a nightmare. Please get wills and get married.

OP, as others have said, because you're unmarried you won't automatically inherit anything (subject to how you hold any property), so it would be sensible to consider making wills.

Certainly his savings would go into trust for the benefit of your children otherwise.

I'm a lawyer and run a will writing firm. For details see the Small Business Section on the Classified bit of Mumsnet if you're interested.

anitablake thank you. I think this is the sort of thing I'm afraid of.

Anyone know if I am technically next of kin? I've heard that I wouldn't be able to make any decision for him if he were incapable of doing so himself in a hospital situation.

I've also heard that I wouldn't automatically have the right to arrange his funeral?

I've heard that I wouldn't be able to make any decision for him if he were incapable of doing so himself in a hospital situation.

It's a common misconception that the next of kin can give or withhold consent for any medical procedure if the person in question can't make a decision themselves. Legally, the only person who can make a decision on behalf of somebody who is unable to give consent (known as not having 'capacity' to make a decision) is the doctor treating them. Good practice would mean that they should consult those close to the patient whether or not they are married. My understanding is that if your partner makes a will stating that you should arrange his funeral then you are able to do so.

Take a look here:
www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/

Marriage is by far the easiest and cheapest way to deal with the many disadvantages of cohabitation! It doesn't matter how many cohabitation agreements or wills you fork out for, nothing but a marriage certificate will give you the status, entitlement and protection you need.

OP please do bear in mind what FreckledLeopard said about next of kin. My cousin's partner died when they weren't married and all the death certificate forms, at the bank etc had to be signed by his mother, not her, as she wasn't classed as next of kin. It added an extra level of rigmarole that she could have done without at that time with 2 young children.

She got on well with her MiL but you can imagine how awkward this can all be if you don't have a good relationship.

If you split when not married, while you would be able to claim child maintenance, you would not (self-evidently) be able to claim spousal maintenance.

you will have no access to his savings unls she names you in his will
if you split anythin in his name is his tho you can calim child maintenance.
house is fifty fifty unless otherwise specified in the deds

separating financially when not maried - you end up invovlving TOLATA, chidlrens act etc well i think it would be easier and more straighforward if you get married first then divorced!

Just because they're both on the mortgage doesn't mean the house goes 50/50. Ownership of the house is entirely dependant on the deeds. If you're both on the deeds, there's either joint tenancy or tenancy in common. If JT, and one party dies, the other automatically owns the house in full. (I can explain how this works but it is a little complicated). If TIC then presumptive shares of 50/50, and the dead person's share passes by will or intestacy so if not married doesn't automatically go to other tenant in common, and if it does come to you by will you're liable for IHT on it.

The thing about living together without being married is that you get NO rights automatically. And before you ask, there is nothing such as common law spouse anymore (if there ever was). I've had plenty of hard conversations with friends who are convinced if they leave their partner, they'll still be able to go to court and get a share of the house, alimony, etc. if they have kids they'll get child maintainence but nothing like what they're thinking.

Legally, spouses get a lot out of marriage. But there can be situations where living together is better for people's finances, etc. In my experience though, that's when both parties have kids from previous relationships AND sufficient money that each are or would be equally well off if they split up and took what they brought into it. Serious relationships with minor children are far better protected by marriage.

Some of the comments above relate to England & Wales. In Scotland co-habitants have limited rights so it's different.