What do i do now i've planned to move me and DD cities?

[Confusedsinglemum]

hi, so just an overview of the current agreement in place, XP sees DD (4 years old) every other weekend and pays maintenance. it has been stress free for a while which is great.
i have just finished university, and have known for a while that living where i am is too expensive and want to move about 3 hours away due to housing and also, current partner lives there so will help with a job search and also just day to day things.
So im planning to move next month but haven't told him yet as he has DD for half of holidays, which i'm worried he wont bring her back if he knows (he has threatened on occasions and done before)
anyway, i am confident that contact can stay as is, as i will let him pick her up on friday evenings rather than saturday, and do not mind a cut in maintenance for him to cover travel, as it would only be fair. could he stop me from moving? is there anything legally i should be doing?
Please dont be harsh with replies, as i genuinely do feel this is best for my DD
any help would be great
thankyou x

Do moving nearer to your new partner is 'best for your daughter'. Surely there are places less than three hours away that are cheaper? If you want to move to your new partners town don't use your daughter as an excuse. You're way out of order.

june, im definitely going to talk to him beforehand, thankyou for your advice
collaborate just reading through your links, thanks
and lisa its not about moving just to be nearer to my partner. ive said above bigger reasons for the move. so do u suggest moving to an area where i know nobody at all? how is that any better? if im out of order for wanting a better life for myself and my daughter and finding a way for it for everyone involved then i am out of order.

Well you will also be affecting her relationship with her paternal grandparents. Your child is going to spend most if her contact with her dad stuck in the back of a car!how us that in her best interests?

Can you do the journeys by train?

Nobody is saying that. It will clearly be a better life for you and that is worth something.

Merely pointing out that moving your DD away from her father and grandparents and spending weekends in the car might not be a better life for your DD - even if you have more money.

You are making a conscious decision to make their relationship more stressful and difficult.

But only you know your daughter and, ultimately, your ex-p. You are entitled to decide the trade off is worth it.

But be honest with your ex-p and you will have to explain to him why the move is in your DD's best interests.

I've just been thinking about this while I was in the shower (that's where I do my best thinking!) and I think you have to expect some resistance from your ex-partner.

Three hours each way is six hours round trip on a Fri and Sun night. That's 12 hours driving every other weekend - in other words - one quarter of the weekend. An entire 24 hpurs spent in the car each month. You may have to do all this driving if the court orders it. Are you and your partner prepared for that?

In addition, you moving so far away means he'll never be able to attend parents evenings, concerts, school plays, sports day, parents day, etc. How involved is he? Are these things going to bother him? Will they bother your DD? They'd bother me, so I thought I'd just mention it so you know what he might throw at you.

I would strongly advise you not to spring this on your ex, it's very unwise. You must know it will bring your current "stress free" arrangements to an end.

You need to start discussing all the implications of this with your ex now. Begin by telling your ex this is something you are thinking about - not that it's all cut and dried.

Are you seriously saying you can't find a job/cheaper housing in your area? Your new partner can't move to you?

lol june the bathroom makes us all think more lol
he's not really involved at the moment. at court etc he puts across that he wants to be involved, but when i get him involved, he doesn't really input anything. part of me feels like i shouldnt move because of all this (its not set in stone at all) but i dont know. just need to have a big think.
my partner has already moved closer as we lived further apart, but now has set up his own company where he is now, so i would rather he stay put. i would find a job, but cheaper housing i havent been able to find as i have aways found housing that is affordable.

It is such a difficult one - I have a friend going through this at the moment - but I echo juneau's advice. Planning to move someone's child hundreds of miles away next month without telling them is low, frankly. It doesn't give him time to think about it, deal with it, or have even meaningful discussions/mediation.

You mention a court process. Is that ongoing? What is the issue that is being judged on?

I echo what most have said. Why change a situation that is now good for your DD ?

It doesn't sound like the best deal for your DD at all TBH. She could resent this move and this could also affect your relationship with her.

It is a really difficult situation, and I do feel for you OP. There are no easy answers and someone is going to have to make a sacrifice here. Maybe more than one person. Think very carefully about who it is going to be, and whether some sort of compromise situation can be reached.

Oops, I forgot which forum I was reading this on. Sorry I don't have any legal advice for you OP.