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Friend needs to break contact with parent

4 replies

tallwivglasses · 09/06/2012 00:25

I tried to name change and I'm too thick to do it, so please if anyone recognises this situation don't out us, better still let me know and I'll ask for the thread to be deleted.

My friend is female, in her 30's. She's spent a large part of her adulthood in mental health wards as a result of abuse by her parents. I don't know the details, but I do know it was continuous and something both parents could have been prosecuted for. She lives about 2 hours away from where she was brought up (my home town) and this is where she's in hospital.

Hospital staff and her friends have encouraged my friend to break contact with her parents for some time now. Parents were forever pressurising her to come home and not recognising that she was ill or that they had anything to do with her illness. Her dad died last year and her mum hasn't let up - the opposite in fact.

It's taken a while but friend is at last starting to distance herself. She has a new phone no and doesn't take calls to the ward.

Her mum is threatening to come and visit. The staff know not to let her in but she's devious - and would wait til friend was on leave and pounce. Even the thought of her mum visiting is undoing all the good work she's been doing, building up her strength.

She's terrified of the fallout (it's a big family) but she's realising she may have to resort to legal means to keep her mum (and other family members) away. How does she go about this? Is there any support she can get?

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 09/06/2012 01:25

Not sure about support, surely she will already have a counsellor from her previous stint in mental health wards? Maybe they'd be able to recommend somebody?

With regards to legal means for keeping her family away, it would have to be a restraining order I think?

Sorry for being generally a bit useless but didn't want to leave this unanswered.

Here's a good page with all the ins and outs of restraining orders

link

At the bottom there is a list of numbers for organisations that may be able to help you and your friend further.....

mumblechum1 · 09/06/2012 01:33

She could make an application for a restraining order or a non-molestation injunction.

I'd suggest that she sees whether a lawyer would be able to visit her in hospital and take instructions. She will probably be eligible for legal aid. If you contact Mind they may be able to point you in the right direction in terms of lawyers who act for people with MH problems.

Awingandaprayer · 09/06/2012 09:46

If she's detained or recently been detained under the mental health act then she may already have a solicitor for the purpose of appeal. However they are usually very helpful in giving advice or pointing their clients in the right direction for advice for other tricky legal situations that may arise.
The advocacy service might also be able to support her in finding out what her options are and it sounds like she's discussed how to manage the situation with her treating team? It will be a concern of theirs too and sadly people often need a lot of support to continue to distance themselves from abusive parents.
Just a side issue about the MHA, if she is someone who is sometimes detained she may wish to nominate someone other than her mum to be nearest relative. (if she's married or living with a partner then they would be NR so no need to worry) Under the new MHA she can do this on the grounds they are not a suitable person. Our hospital has a mental health act administrator who would help her with this and might be able to point her in the right direction for some of the other issues also.

tallwivglasses · 09/06/2012 11:09

Thanks, this is all really helpful. I think the hospital staff, while supporting her, are biding their time before telling her about legal options. I suppose they don't want to be seen as pushing her in that direction. (Also, it's really frustrating, but because she's 'no trouble' on the ward, she tends to not get enough time to talk to anyone she trusts, and if she does, they're often called away to deal with some crisis or other. I really don't think she's getting the level of support she needs.)

At least I can now start mentioning a few options to her. It's going to be a slow process though - family have done a good job on her. Thanks again all x

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