Custody battle advice/experience-DH to aggressively pursue full custody

[yummychoc]

Am considering leaving my DH and he has threatened to apply for full custody (which i am sure he will do). I am willing to go for 50-50 as would like my DC (12 months) to have a relationship wtih her father.

I am a good mother and the primary carer so assume that he would be unlikely to be awarded custody. However, DH will no doubt try and argue custody on the basis that (1) I have mental health issues (I receive treatment for mild to moderate depression; it is well managed by medication and my depression has never stopped me workign etc.), and (2) my family are evil and nuts (dysfunctional family and emotionally abusive parent).

DH is an ok parent but does not spend that much time with DC (he works long hours). I think DH might be emotionally abusive towards me. However, i may have difficult proving this to the court.

My husband is very wealthy. I only have limited funds and for reasons which i won't bore you with am unlikely to be able to get my fair share of his assets.

If i left my DH i would ideally like to live with my parents for a few months whilst i find a job and somewhere to rent. I might want to stay with my parents for longer as well so that i can use my salary to fight the custody battle. I would then move out of my parents but ideally stay in their area for practical support with babysitting etc. Whilst my parents have in the past been very difficult, they are fantastic with DC and would provide some much needed support. If it helped my custody position, i would be willing not to temporarily move in with my parents and even live in a area away from my family.

An amicable end to this is highly unlikely.

any thoughts, advice or expeirence woudl be appreciated.

also, anyone have idea the cost and time frame for a drawn out and bitterly fought custody battle?

What makes you sure he will do this? It is a classic line to frighten you, but his solicitor would tell him to stop being so unrealistic within the first 2 minutes of speaking to him. I doubt he would even bring it up with a solicitor in reality.

I am not a legal expert but can assure you that neither point 1 nor 2 as you describe them would give the courts any reason to name him as primary carer.

Be careful about agreeing to 50-50 - are you sure that is right for your DC or for you? Are you too ready to consider that because he has frightened you with this 'full custody' nonsense?

It may be a frightening tactic but i think there is a good chance that he will be good to his word. Agree that solicitor may well advise him against it, but i don't think that would necessarily stop him as he will be so incensed if i leave and try and live in UK with DC.

Basically he wants custody as he wants to take DC to live in his home country which was our original plan (don't want to say where but its not Europe). We are currently living overseas (not in an EU country). Neither of us want to settle in the current country (and we only have temporary work / spousal visas anyway). If we separated i would probably want to move back to the UK (better support network and job prospects). Basically DH would want custody so that he doesn't have to live in the UK to see DC. DH, DC, and I all have UK passports (amongst others).

very reassuring that you think that 1) and 2) shouldn't be a problem. I know that the right decision is NOT to give him full custody but obviously my concern is that my DH's fancy lawyers might convince a court otherwise.

Well I have to say I did assume you were currently living in the UK and are both UK citizens only. I really would strongly advise you get legal advice asap.

I agree that it may well be a empty threat which many fathers unfortunately use on separation. However, only a very small percentage actually go through with it.

The fact that you are overseas does complicate matters. So if I'm reading this right, does your DC have a passport other than a UK one? One for where your DH comes from? Was your DC born in that Country?

Very hard to advise without more information but an important thing to clarify is whether this particular country (where you are and where DH comes from) is a Hague convention country. If you don't want to reveal where you are maybe you could google and find that out and come back and advise.

Hopefully a few of the family lawyers who deal with this regularly will be along soon if you can provide more info.

In the meantime, don't agree to 50/50.

thanks all so much for your advice. will get back to you all when i have received some legal advice.