Should I write a letter to my ex stating why his son dosent want to see him

[taylorellen]

I recently posted about my son not wanting to see his dad. I wonder if I should write to his dad stating the reasons why his son dosent want to see him. I would also feel it safer at the minute for my son not to see his dad (to recap - his dad is going through another messy divorce, quite violent and not very stable at the moment). My son is 11. His dad is threatening me with a contact order, I have told him its his son that dosent want to see him I am not stopping him. I would prefer my son not to see his dad thoughdue to his dads frame of mind at the moment. Should I write his dad a letter stating my and my sons reasons? Could I potentially be getting myself in trouble if I did this. Not sure what to do.

No! Don't do that.

I would wait til it gets as far as court, then your son can explain to caffcass himself. Or he could write to the judge.

Sorry, meant to add. Things change. Your son is only 11, and whilst your ex is behaving badly, the future is long, people can and do change. I wouldn't want to be seen as the bad person here,but also, it could damage a father/son relationship of the future. You don't know what's round the corner

My ex was violent, very abusive and court ordered zero contact ( a rare thing!)

But now the children are older, I have re started contact as it seems he has changed/mellowed.

I agree with Olympia. Dont write a letter, let the process take its natural legal course. Dont see the contact order as a threat, see it as a way of resolving the contact issue for your son and his Dad.

ok, thanks thats really helpful. I wont write. I'll wait and see how things go. Its good your children are seeing their dad again. I hope my ex mellows like yours, although he's had 3 wives leave him on the grounds of abuse/violence and adultery now. ...... somehow I cant see him changing, he still thinks he's done nothing wrong!

Thank you follyfoot. definately not writing

That sounds like my ex! I was wife no 2

He is heading towards a lonely old age. And I think that has been his wake up call. He even spent some time in prison, which I would say contributed to him changing too.

oh crikey, he sounds worse than mine. Mind you if I had been brave enough to call the police he might have served some time. Fingers crossed he will mellow with age!