My son is refusing to see his dad - what will happen?

[taylorellen]

My son is refusing to see his dad. Basically his dad has now come out of his 3rd marriage all of which have been abusive and his wives have left him. (including me wife number 2). My son is absolutely fed up with his dad. He witnessed his dads treatment of me and also the abuse he gave to his very last wife (my sons step mum). The divorce his dad is going through at the moment is extremely messy and volitile. Police being called all the time by his 3rd wife and she also has an injunction so that he cannot go near her. All my sons sees on facebook is that his dad is going out partying and meeting new women. He says at the moment until his dad sorts his head out he dosent want to see him or even speak to him. His dad is getting angry about this and threatening to take me to court for access. I have told him that I am not stopping him seeing his son but I wont force my son into something he dosent want to do. My ex used to see my son for less than 6 weeks of the year. Does any one know the court process and can my son be forced into seeing his dad. He's not saying he never wants to see him but I think my son is worried about the atmosphere with his dad and his dads family at the moment against his current wife and pending divorce. My son dosent feel safe. I hope ive made sense. Thanks

How old is your DS?

The older a child is the more likely it is for courts to listen to him. It sounds like it's a very good idea for him not to see his dad.

Hi he's nearly 12.

Although you've not given your son's age I'm guessing he must be a teenager if he is on FB (isn't the minimum age supposed to be 13?) Therefore, if that is the case, I would say he is old enough to make his own decision and it is highly likely in my opinion that his views would be taken into account.

If he continues his threats it might be worth sending a registered letter which you keep a copy of outlining your concerns and explaining why your son won't be visiting.

Then if he does go to a solicitor, he can't pretend that you're the bad guy in this.

So he shouldn't even be on facebook? Delete his account!

it's not facebook's fault, it's the man ffs

OP, your DS is old enough to make his own decision - a court cannot force a child to spend time with a parent, especially one of your DS's age

let him come to terms with what has just happened in his father's life, take the pressure off him - and yes, maybe suggest he hides his dad's profile for a while if it upsets him

I allow my son to be on facebook and he is highly monitored. He has deleted his dads profile so he can no longer see that his dad his doing. To be honest facebook is not the issue here. Thanks everyone for the support. If it goes to court it sounds like they will take my sons reasons in to account. Im going to start documenting everything now just incase. Also received a few abusive txts from my ex so i'll record those aswell. Really appreciate all the comments.

x-posted with OP ref age. At that age, his views may be taken into account

There seems to be some misguided thoughts around that parents have 'the right' to see their children. This is not the case. Every child has the right to see their parents.
In some cases, it's better if a parent isn't involved with the child for a period of time (however long)

As others have said, your son is old enough for his opinion to be listened to.
The courts will not force your son to see his dad if he does not want to.

Do you think his dad will make all the effort to take you to court over this? My guess is not.

Hi, thanks for your response Yoghurty. My sons dad is extremely unpredictable. We live 3 hours apart and he has always struggled and not been happy with travelling the distance to see his son. It was supposed to be a once a month visit but that went down to time over school holidays only. I would be surprised if he continued, but his wife that has just left him has a 18 month old by him, she is not allowing him to see his son. He is definately trying to get a contact order to see the 18 month old (lives near him), so im not sure if he might try for two contact orders at the same time. I'll have to wait and see. I think my child would be better by not seeing his dad as his dad is a really bad influence, 39 going on 18.

Any contact application for your DS will be in the court local to you.

Sorry, does that mean his dad would have to apply to my local court and not his local court? (3 hours apart). Also would it mean if he needed to attend court then it would be where I lived?

Yes, in the Court local to where the child (and you) live(s)

ok, thank you