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3 replies

xpixietoesx · 04/05/2012 10:46

on monday my husband sexually assaulted me.

i called the police they have taken my clothes, done a video statement including information about the relationship and that he has also hit my son when he (me son)was being difficult and that i have not be agreed to sex but been letting him have to so to void tempers ive been looked at by a doctor (but not a forensic as they couldnt get one)

but sitting with my sons right now i know 3 things

1 everything i have said is all true

2 i never want to be with him again and will be getting a divorce

3 i dont want him to go to prison, but dont know what to do i want him to get help his opinion on women and his temper need sorting but i think with help he can deal with that.

The be all is i don't love him and haven't for a long time, we where in a catch 22 ive asked him to leave he refused, he said he still loved me and i was welcome to leave with the kids as long as i left him the house (council shared tenancy) so he could have them over etc

i work part time and both my sons are under 4, i have asked the council for help they said there was nothing they could do.

Ill be honest id meet some new who had debts to clear but we both agreed in try and make do of a bad situation and once he was on top of he debts hed move near to me and hes three kids for his ex, rent and property and id sign over the house to my husband there by he could have the the kids over night (after some ground rules and him understanding he needed some help with his temper) and in the most part we would both have what we wanted.

My husband knew i didn't love him any more and had still be trying for sex, he can get aggressive/moody towards me and the kids if he doesn't get his way i had be lying that i wasnt in contact with the other man but he knew i was in love with him and 9 times out of 10 i give in but there have been time ive said no and he continued regardless because he said im his wife and if the over bloke could have slept with me why couldnt he,one of these times was this Monday and i snapped.

All i want is for him to leave me alone and be a dad to the kids, with all my heart id want to get on with him as a friend and a parent of two beautiful boys, when hes good hes great we dont always fight but at the end of the day the relationship isnt health for me, him or the kids in part we clash and i think the age gap isnt helping anymore.
ive never wanted a war and i desperately don't want him to go to prison he just needs help, i have been thinking about asking my PC who's looking after me that i don't want him to go to prison i just want him to understand what he did was wrong he and i are over, he needs helps to deal with his problems but i don't what the kids to lose there dad nor his granson to lose a grandad.

if i said to the police do you think it would make any difference

OP posts:
MOSagain · 04/05/2012 11:30

I'm sorry about your relationship.
Ref the criminal matters, if you've reported him to the police and now decide you don't want to press charges, the police still may go ahead anyway. They will seek opinions from the CPS so he may still be prosecuted.

I think you need to instruct a family lawyer as soon as possible and start divorce proceedings. Have a look on the Resolution website for one in your area.

cestlavielife · 04/05/2012 11:45

it will be up to a judge/court to decide if he goes to prison not you.
it is out of your hands - you have to accept that.
what he did was wrong - if it means time in prison so be it.

it doesnt mean he is no longer the kids father .

but it might mean he gets help and treatment for his actions .

he wont understand what he did was wrong if he does not get some kind of consequence for his actions.

cestlavielife · 04/05/2012 11:45

it will be up to a judge/court to decide if he goes to prison not you.
it is out of your hands - you have to accept that.
what he did was wrong - if it means time in prison so be it.

it doesnt mean he is no longer the kids father .

but it might mean he gets help and treatment for his actions .

he wont understand what he did was wrong if he does not get some kind of consequence for his actions.

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