What's your opinion on 50/50 shared residence Order?

[Vessel]

Just interested to know the difference between the views of mothers and those of fathers? I have a Court hearing in just over a week and dd's father going for shared residence on this basis but his statement is absolutely crammed with hearsay and is just a few pages completely slagging me off. Not sure if that will go in his favour. Anyone going through anything similar? Thanks.

Is he going for Shared Residence and 50/50? (You can have Shared Residence without having 50/50 contact). I think in ordinary situations (eg no concerns re safety of the children) SR should be the norm.

I'm afraid I'm not sure what 'basis' you mean?

I meant a 50/50 basis so yes that's what he's going for. The arrangement was 50/50 until October last year when it was made in my favour due to concerns over dad's behaviour, drug use and mental health. I understand what you mean about SR being the norm as currently, residence is technically shared as he has weekend contact. I completely disagree that it should ever revert back to 50/50. After all, this is a 25yo man who has had his mother do a statement for him.

P.S. If anyone could share their eperiences (one keyboard button doesn't work - guess which one!?), positive or negative, I would be grateful!

There is nothing wrong (and a lot right) with 50:50 Shared Residency if both parents agree to this and both parents are (reasonably) responsible and cooperative and live close enough to one another not to disrupt children's daily lives (school, friends, activities).

But if those conditions are not fulfilled, 50:50 Shared Residency is probably not the best course of action.

I think that's fair enough, in an ideal world there would be no hostility between separated parents. Unfortunately there is in our case and I fear, always will be. I still don't think that many mothers are necessarily happy to be parted from their children for half of the time because of natural maternal instincts but could just be the ones I've spoken to/read about.

I don't think many fathers are necessarily happy to be parted from their children half the time, either. However, the court process shouldn't be about the happiness of the parents; it is supposed to be about the needs and welfare of the children. Much research shows that children do better if they have secure relationships with both parents.

I'm sure there is a lot more to your situation than you have posted here, but it seems a little odd to particularly point out, as a reason why 50/50 should not happen, that your ex did not write his own statement. Most people don't, their sol's do it. And I have to say, lots of parents with MH issues have their children full time and it is not a bar to satisfactory parenting. I can't see how a man, even with drug issues and problems with MH, can be safe to have weekend contact but not 50/50.

I don't believe that a man who refers to himself as 'main carer' even with a 50/50 order in place (denegrating and undermining the other parent) shows enough understanding of co-parenting to make such an order work. As you say though, there is a lot more to situation.

(it's not so much about safety as his being able to cope with having dd for so much of the time, incidentally)

If he refers to himself as 'main carer' might his intention to be to claim CB? Only one person can claim.

He already is claiming CB, despite only having weekend contact but I'll never aim to change that 'cause I'd get a fair bit of backlash! His benefits are rather important to him :)

I think that's how the main carer thing started though YNK - insightful! :)

I think much would depend on the logistics of it all.

For example, if the mother and father live close to each other and near to the child's school then it may be workable depending on their working hours etc. If they live miles apart and the child would suffer a lot of distruption during the week then quite honestly, it is a crap idea.

I'm neutral. In practice 50:50 shared residence isn't that common. A recent estimate put the numbers at about 3% in the UK and in most cases 50:50 SR had been agreed rather than imposed by an order of the court. SR is more usual in different proportions. Some judges award it to underline the importance of both parents whilst others think living in one home is in the best interests of children.

A residence order in favour of one parent or both just determines where a child lives. It is actually Parental Responsibility that gives both parents equal responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities. Practically there isn't a great deal of difference between a SRO and the more traditional residence/contact orders.

The problem with the labels "contact," "residence" and "shared residence" is that they create a sense of winning or loosing which is just something else to argue about.

I've come to see how 50:50 works well for all parties concerned. Here in Sweden it's the norm. Children spend a week with Dad then a week with Mum. I wonder how much it contributes to the fact that Swedish children consistently come out as the happiest kids in the world whereas Britsh children come out as some of the unhappiest in the western world.

I'd bloody insist on it if we divorced why should the mothers standard of living, earning potential plummet as a result of splitting and it usually does due to childcare.
For years we've had what i call father christmas daddies, popping along for the weekend once a fortnihght to "give mum a break" and spoli the kids rotten. Bugger that they can do their share of school runs and nose wiping too if they want to be called a father (or mother in some cases).

LOL at Mosman. DH and I have often joked that if we got divorced the only issue would be the children, neither of us would want them

Kladdkaka wrote;

I've come to see how 50:50 works well for all parties concerned. Here in Sweden it's the norm. Children spend a week with Dad then a week with Mum. I wonder how much it contributes to the fact that Swedish children consistently come out as the happiest kids in the world whereas Britsh children come out as some of the unhappiest in the western world.

I thought the figure in Sweden for shared residence 50:50 after parents separated was 28% which reflects the working/child care practices before separation. In the UK we would need to change working practices to be in the same position.

According to ONS employment figures published last year in the UK 67% mothers worked in 2010 ? 29% full time and 37% part time. That means two thirds of women with dependent children were not working or worked in less well paid jobs part-time or flexible jobs to fit around responsibilities for children. The older the children the more likely women are working full time.

On the other hand about 90-95% of men with dependent children in employment work in full time inflexible jobs and fathers work longer hours than any other group of men.

I don't know what the figures are, just what I see around me. I think that it's easier to share in Sweden because the system is fairer to all working parents. Shared parental leave till 1yr. Heavily subsidised nursery places (in my kommun it £90/wk/child capped at 3% of income). Paid 'sick leave' when a child is sick or has a medical appointment (upto 16 I think although for us it's paid until 21 because she has ASD)