Apologies in advance if this gets long...
Married 28 years, 3 kids - DS 23 at Uni, DD1 21 at Uni, & DD2 14 at home.
DH has had "chequered career" always wanted to be own boss, so has had many failed attempts at this, resulting in limited finances. I have worked p/t since taking care of kids.
We've had a problematic marriage for years & been 3 times to couples counselling & last year went to Mediation (which had been assessed as free due to financial situation). At last session in Feb, I asked what would be the 'next step' were we to separate - i.e; some clarity on our future, DH had previously suggested sell house (with limited equity), split equity 50/50 & I care for DD2.
Mediator suggested possibility that I could stay in home with DD2 & that there were schemes to help with doing this. DH went ballistic, refused to engage in further mediation (has complained to professional body, so now we cannot continue Mediation) insisted children told within 24 hrs or he'd "Text them" then went ahead anyway & told older 2 by phone saying it was all my choice, he could do nothing & that he'd be 'on a park bench' whilst he paid for me to live in our house!
I am applying for f/t work but even with it salary would not get me a mortgage for somewhere else closeby and though a struggle, with renting out spare rooms in current house (while kids at Uni), I could get close to paying current mortgage & bills. Lots of commitments to area, school, work, family, friends, voluntary commitments to 3 different local organisations - but expensive area...
DH has no local connections (despite living here 20 years)
DH pressurising me to agree to sell house & says he wont pay mortgage - "why should he?".
We also have 2 buy to let flats (part of another failed scheme a few years back) these are both in negative equity BUT are currently let & pay for their respective mortgages and some profit after all costs. He suggests I transfer flats to his name and then apply for Housing Assoc property to buy (with my 50% share of house sale) as owning flats prohibits me to qualify.
Should I borrow money to see a lawyer? (since mediation, been told we dont actually qualify for legal help due to flats) have had free advice but in limited time they dont get into the detail. so not sure what to do as scared of costs if process complicated...
Good news is kids have realised stories are exaggerated & untrue so are speaking to me again!
If you've managed to stick with this all, thanks! & if you have any advice or comments I'd be grateful to hear them....