Contact issues, cafcass and NRP Mother. Please help X

[dmarie2891]

Hi all,
New to the site so will try and make the really long story short.
I live with my fiance of 5 years and he gained residence of his son (5yrs old) (will call him B) last October due to the mother having drink/drug/mental health issues and not wanting him any more. (tricky start to our relationship as she was a fling previous to meeting me that turned up pregnant) Was all pretty cut and dry in court (no solicitor, but of course she has one) and he's settled in lovely. Contact is supervised by her parents as there was an incident of violence last summer-she was questioned but no further action taken by police. Contact at present is every other weekend at her parents house. We live 52 miles away and take B 1/3rd of the way (30 mins of a 90 min journey), the mothers father brings her 2/3rds of the way to collect him and he is then returned on the sunday. B has stated that he doesnt want to go as often as he is scared of his Mother, the family are always argueing whilst he is there and all he does in stay in and play with his toys. My fiance doesnt drive so its up to me to take them both on a Friday (I MUST stay in the car though) we have to finish work early to accomodate this and get B there on time which is causing problems with our work.

My fiance asked for a section 7 report last time in court as there were issues with the contact, we have recieved the report this week and are gobsmacked!! When we met with the cafcass officer she thought contact centre was a good idea given the history but not appropriate as contact could then lead to unsupervised completely within a few months which would be too soon, and she was going to recommend less frequent contact. The mother has recently moved further away (2 1/2 hours from us) to a shared house for people with mental health problems (BPD). The report is totally different to what she had advised us and we feel it is biased towards the Mother rather than concentrating on B. She has said that the mother be allowed up to 2 hours unsupervised contact whilst he is at her parents ( but not to go to the pub)and its up to them to decided if said contact is appropriate ( they turned a blind eye to all of the abuse for 5 years in which she was reported to SS 23 times) so we dont trust them at all. It harps on about the 80 miles driving her father has to do on weekends B is there ( not our problem?) It also says that contact arrangements should stay the same for the next few months (which we told her was a nightmare as we are both having to leave work early). and she has then gone on to recommend that we go back to court in June (when she knows we are getting married & going on holiday for B's 6th Birthday :s) with a view of contact becoming totally unsupervised?!! Having no solicitor is a nightmare but we simply cannot afford one. We know that the judge will be inclined to go with what cafcass recommends but feel he is our only hope now-so will be writing a kick ass position statement.
My fear is that we are taking on a big fight with cafcass as she's been doing it 20 years etc, we just want B to be happy with arrangements and SAFE at all times. The report mentions our inflexibilty with regards phone contact-she is only allowed to call on a wednesday at 6.30 and very often doesnt bother-no mention of that in report? or her calling drunk, which the school headmistress told cafcass as she'd received a call that day just before B did. No mention of the fact that she has told the CSA she stays over night at her parents house which ios a lie. She's told them that to avoid having £5 a week deducted from her benefits. I could go on and on and on. :(
My questions today really are:-
Is the Parent with care obligated to take child a certain distance for contact? they want us to take B even further than we do already. Where do we stand with this? We cant loose our jobs over it surely?
And what about if I'm ill? ( ive had bornholms recently and not meant to drive) What if the car dies (its on its last legs and we wouldnt be able to afford a new one) And what about totally disagreeing with recommendations made by CAFCASS. We think every other weekend is too much, it takes us at least a few days to get B back to normal after being there. :( We just feel so frustrated and dont know what to bloody do!
Thank you in advance for any thoughts/advice etc XXX

Just put all your thoughts into your position statement. The CAFCASS report isn't the gospel. the judge is free to depart from the recomendations if he/she wishes, but must give reasons. From what you post you have a number of reasons. The judge will weigh up the competing factors and do what they think is best for B.

it sounds tricky.

could you ask for a family group conference to be set up by cafcass for everyone involved to sit round a table with SS and all relatives involved ? sounds like there are so many issues and concerns here .

www.cafcass.gov.uk/PDF/Family_Group_Conference_Service.pdf

in terms of the report - go thru point by point and write down factual inaccuracies or your comments where a statemetn appears to be wrong.

present some evidence yourself eg journal of phone calls and what happened each time?

also who is monitoring her MH? aprt from her parents?
who will notify you if she ahasa bad spell or downturn?

who is making the decision on whether or not contact goes ahead each time based on her MH status/behaviour?

if you cant drive what are the public transport options?

Thanks for the quick replies.
Conference-not going to happen, far too much water under the bridge. Nice idea though .

Whats MH? just her parents supervise. no-one will notify us if she has a bad spell, they are pro's in keeping it all a secret. Like the attemted suicide attempt last Sept which has only just come to light now in report. :(
Contact is court ordered at present.
Transport would be bus then 2 trains to get to where I drive them, and finishing work even earlier which cannot continue. X

are there any guide lines for contact arrangements ie -travel. ? All we've ever heard of is the NRP having to travel to collect child, which they seem to think is unfair she should travel to see her son at all?!

mh i meant mental health issues

if cafcass is highlighting mh issues like suicide attempts then you can use that to highlight you concerns about contact. point out that there is evidence of instability as per paragpah xx.x. of the cafcass report.

you could ask for up to date medical reports or psych report?

you can also point out to judge the issues around working and getting the child to the mother.

why doesnt the father drive? is there a medical condition? if so then point that out.

if you are going to get married you should also looking into getting PR for the child as well (i think you have to be married for that, can be additional person having PR, look up parental responsibility for step parent ) or special guardianship - what would happen to child if dad died?

you need to stick to facts in your position paper backed up where possible by evidence eg full records /diary - if cafcass report mentions suicide attempt then reiterate that and that for child's benefit here neds to be evidenc of stability of the mother - and your concerns about monitoring of the mother's health and well being. safeguards etc. it is difficult- my exP has documented MH issues but it is very unclear as to what the monitoring procedure is - eg at rpesent he semms "ok" but i i allow unsupervised then one day he will go "down" again and quite possibly i wont know til it is too late -or i would ahve to say "no you cant have DC you not well" which could lead to aggression.
so i am sticking to supervised as per court order.

point out concerns for the child's well being with regard to travel ie note the issues over driving and that if he needs to take two trains etc it will be long journey etc.

school evidence of his behaviour after visits with mum?

thing is CACASS will want to recommend contact is kept with his mother so you going to need to come up with a proposal which keeps him safe and allows that contact - what if it was four hours every four weeks? that is still regular.

point out the need for child's regular contact with his mother but that given evidence of pvs instability it needs to be safe and supervised for many many months - that you happy to review - but not in June - when i have been in court and they are setting a next hearing date it has been done right there with the clerk and i have been able to say "no not that date pre booked holiday " etc - so it could be possible for you to set next hearing date after the wedding....

Her psychiatric nurse is 'delighted' with her progress, the new medication has made an enormous difference apparently,. She's going to parenting classes, anger management, alcoholic and drug abuse support groups etc etc. She didnt react to the stress loosing him has undoubtably put her under, it was so selfless of her. BS she couldnt wait to get rid of him and was out drinking most of the time before he came to us. Her giving him up was SELFISH-why cant they see that?

Spoke to manager at cafcass yesterday, the woman that did our report is on leave for a month. She said she tought the report was balanced etc, and how ill mother has been (as excuse for all previous behaviour) and how it sounds as though she's doing great. When I said the cafcass officer had told us she was recommending less frequent contact she sounded stunned and said she found it hard to believe that officer would have said anything like that. Cafcas is meant to be the voice of the child and I just cant believe how much the report focuses on what the mother wants, regardless of everyone else's feelings.

The contact is every other weekend at her parents and they want her to be allowed to take him out on her own for up to 2 hours.
My partner doesnt doesnt drive, never needed to and we cant afford lessons etc at the moment.
School havent mentioned any change in behaviour but they've got lots of children to deal with.

Going to start drawing up position statement later with J, Thanks all x

Have you thought of contacting NYAS (national youth advocacy service). I'm not a big cafcass fan either. To be fair they don't have the resources to be able to do their jobs properly, hence they're in a mess. Google nyas and give them a call.
You could also consider a caf meeting, your dss really does need to be heard