Single and pregnant, what do I need in writing should I die?

[sillymillyb]

God thats a cheery title eh?!

Its as it says really, I am single and about to give birth any day now. The babies father may or may not want to be involved (he is as yet undecided) but I would not want him to have custody should anything happen to me as he is not the most responsible nor pleasant fella (he won't be on birth certificate)

Ideally I would like my mum and best friend to have shared guardianship - is this possible? Do I need to have a legal document drawn up with my wishes stated? Can the father do anything to contest this if he wanted to, and if so, is it likely he would be able to get custody instead of them? It is highly unlikely he would try (he is in the RAF and very career driven) but I would like to cover all bases.

Thank you so much in advance for any help you can offer.... Im not planning on popping my clogs but it is praying on my mind!

Get a will written - I did this when heavily pregnant to protect against all eventualities.

I wouldn't have two guardians though- what if they disagree?? I would make one the guardian, and one a trustee of any money you leave to your child, so they have to work together but it is clear who makes decisions about what.

Anyway, a good local solicitor could sort it all out for you in a week or so. We had to go in once to talk through what we wanted then back the following Saturday to sign the paperwork. Cost £190 each (one for me and one for dh 'mirror wills' saying the same)

The only thing is though, you will cry a lot. Thinking for a long time about what happens if you and other close relatives die is necessary, but not great when you are pregnant!

Have you decided if you're putting the father on the birth cert or not? Are you aware of the legal implications either way?

Hi OP, I'm a will writer and have an advert over on the Small Business section of Classifieds titled "5* Will Writing Service Recommended by Mumsnetters".

You can have more than one Guardian, and I suggest that you express the wish that one specific one has your child/ren's day to day care, but that the other is consulted about major issues such as education, medical care and religious upbringing. You don't have to have this bit in but it may be helpful.

You also need to appoint two people to be your executors, who usually also act as trustees. A trust would automatically arise if you died before your child/ren is 18.

If you'd like more info, please feel free to PM me or contact me through the website on the ad.

Just to add, you need to understand that appointment of a guardian is an expression of wish; if the father wanted the child to live with him he'd have to make an application to the court for residence under the Children Act 1989 and the court would make whatever order it considered to be in the child's best interests, whether that was staying with the appointed guardians or going to the father, with contact to the other parties, normally.

Also a guardianship clause in your will would only take effect if there was no one else with Parental REsponsibility at the date of your death. Father would get PR if he's on the birth certificate.

Ah fab thank you for all your answers and help - I wasn't sure if a will was the document I needed as I was concerned about guardianship rather than material goods (the latter are sadly lacking!)

Just to answer a few points, I will not be adding the fathers name to the birth certificate as I would like to avoid him having automatic PR - however, I am aware he can apply for it through the courts and am hoping, if Im being completely honest, that he either isn't aware of this, or won't bother.

I agree about the possibility of 2 guardians being confusing, I am concerned that my mum is 64 though, and whilst a sprightly young thing (she is still fostering young adults with learning disabilities and has more energy than me!) that I may need a back up plan in future. Im not sure I can see a way around this (time warp?!) and so I need a way of ensuring my best friend is also involved.

Also, thank you mumblechumb for your point on guardianship being an expression of wish.... this is, for me, utterly terrifying and what I was concerned about. I know I am dealing with worse case scenarios, and something is unlikely to happen to me, but I hate the thought of the life my baby would lead if handed over into his fathers care.

Right.... off to look up will writers. I am broke so it may have to wait until next month, but you all have been really helpful so thank you :)