What does a Shared Residence Order actually mean?

[PlainClothed]

DD spends 50% of her time with each parent, no court order in place and both of us have PR. I receive the CB, tax credits and CM via the CSA, and I pay for all essential expenses at both houses.

ExH has made a number of decisions recently that effect DD without discussion with me - the most recent is that he has arranged for her to have an authorised absence from school in order to attend a family party. Other things include changing her address with various agencies such as GP, school and LEA without telling me (which caused mayhem when it came to school applications) and changes to the care arrangements that are in place.

One of the reasons this has come about is that I have avoided situations which could lead to confrontation in front of DD - so for instance, when exH notified me via solicitor that he had changed the arrangements for DD's care after school with immediate effect and that he would pick her up from now on rather than me, I didn't turn up at the school to collect DD, even though I didn't agree with exH decision. Should I be more assertive about it, even though it might mean a confrontation?

If I were to get a shared residence order, would that require the school to get permission from both of us before they agreed to things like that in the future - or can exH basically make decisions about DD without consulting me at all? Would a specific issue/prohibitive steps order apply in this situation?

You need to both find a way of co-parenting. This means you co-operate every step of the way, and compromise too. Try mediation or family therapy. I suggest you look on the Resolution website and find a Collaborative lawyer near to you both. they will be able to assist and bring in family therapists if necessary.

Good luck.

It's PR that provides you the right to be consulted on schools, medical stuff etc and a SRO is merely a legal that defines where the child resides I.e. The child has two homes he/she can move freely between...in this case you either need to get assertive which may be difficult and start voicing your concerns to the school, lea and ensure the gp still knows you're in the picture or you instruct you own solicitor...or mediate but that's only worthwhile if with sides engage...at this moment in time you should avoid court unless he starts cutting in to your time with the kids...you don't say how old they Are?

OP, as your ex has PR he is able to apply to school for authorised absence and the school have to consider it simply in line with their standard criteria. They dont have to consult with you at this point. Unfortunately it doesnt matter whether you agree with the absence or not. (I was in the same position, I didnt want my DD to have time off school but I was powerless to stop it - I was furious!)

I don't agree that it is correct to change addresses etc without consulting/agreeing with you - but if he isnt prepared to be open with you then you may have to go down the route of mediation/solicitors/court to get the relevant order in place that sets everything out in detail, including contact times/dates etc (he would still be able to remove from school during his contact time without consulting you though I think)

Whether you should challenge more or just accept what he is doing, eg the notification of who is collecting from school you can only do what you feel is right for your DD but suffice to say that if you don't speak up yourself then it doesn't seem like anyone else will shout up for you.

As a side matter, if your DD is splitting her time between both houses 50/50 this might have an effect on the CM payable to you...someone more knowledgable than me might be able to add here.

I agree with Collaborate, ideally you need to find a way of co-parenting. However, I would watch your back if he is changing your daughter's address with the school and GP as he may well be manipulating the situation so that he can claim CB and then tax credits and child maintenance. If there is disagreement about an application for CB there will be an investigation and the registered address for a child is a factor taken into account.

Sadly because women with dependent children take career gaps or work in less well paid part time and/or flexible jobs to accommodate children losing CB, tax credits and CM may mean they cannot afford to have children living with them 50% of the time.

Unfortunately, we've tried mediation (several times) - and quite recently, he approached mediation again, I went along to my Info and Assessment meeting and the mediator made it clear that she didn't think the issue was mediable - it seems more about exH desire to control the situation than about co-parenting!

I have, more than once, offered exH the option of receiving CB, tax credits and the like - so he in effect becomes the RP, and we could agree a contact arrangement so DD sees me as she does at the moment - but he has refused. He insists on "sharing care" but then does his own thing when it suits him.

I don't see the benefit of applying for a Residence Order myself either - it won't stop him behaving the way he does at the moment - as he has PR, he can basically do what he wants without any communication with me, can't he?