Difficult ex and prohibited steps order

[QueenofWhatever]

I have a bit of dilemma and would welcome your advice and guidance. Long, long story but I had an abusive and neglectful childhood. I grew up with my Mum who was an alcoholic, emotionally and physically abusive and neglectful. My Dad lived with is until I was 11 and sexually and physically abused me from the ages of six to ten. I left my ex nearly three years ago after years of abuse, mainly controlling and bullying behaviour. We have a seven year old DD. DD has never had any contact with my Mum (I have been no contact since 1996) and has had no contact with my Dad since December 2009 when my repressed memories of his abuse started coming back.

He has her two nights a fortnight and nearly half of the holidays. She came back after New Year saying she had met my Mum whilst visiting my sister (we've been no contact since March 2010 as she denied my Dad's abuse of me and also sided with my ex after I left him). My ex always agreed that my Mum should have no contact with DD but I know had given DD a present from my Mum last Autumn and told her not to tell me as she would 'make me sad' if she did.

I've taken my solicitor's advice and am applying for a Prohibited Steps Order as he refused to voluntarily agree to not bringing DD into contact with my estranged parents. He has instructed a firm specialising in DV and they say I have to provide 'incontrovertible evidence' in the form of medical and SS records that my DD would be at risk. He also denies the DV.

So, apologies for the long back story, but what are my chances of getting the PSO? Also I want to move to France for work and quality of life reasons and am advised I would need to apply for leave to remove. Will this prejudice my chances?

My solicitor knows about my plans to move to France, it's why I originally went to see her last summer so I guess it's already in her files. She was very clear how increasingly difficult it is to get leave to remove and it seems there is an increasing trend to to not permit it.

I'm not trying to restrict my ex's contact with DD, purely that he doesn't bring her into contact with my parents. I've always been flexible on contact and pretty much always given him what he wants, it was him who only wanted alternate weekends. I'm of the view that it's in my daughter's best interest and I'm doing it for her benefit even though I would happily have him out of our lives. She's increasingly less keen on going but hasn't actively said yet she doesn't want to go.

To be honest I would forget about your plans to move to France for now, and concentrate on the PSO application.

The court also has jurisdiction to specifically exclude named individuals from contact in contact orders. Presumably there are no contact proceedings in the offing?

i would talk to court , my xh can not bring dc into contact with 2 memebers of his wifes family ( though helped as i had proof not hearsay#)

We haven't been to court before and there is no contact order. We have a Heads of Agreement that we drew up through the collaborative law process which describes contact arrangements but isn't legally blinding.

The bit I'm struggling with is them saying they needing 'incontrovertible evidence' when it doesn't exist. Would that mean I can't get the PSO if I can't provide hard evidence? I hope the court takes into consideration that it's my family, not my ex's and that my Mum had never had any contact with DD until this Christmas.

Moving to France is on hold anyway, this is more important at the moment. I'm just worried that this will make it harder.

It does not matter what your ex's solicitors say about evidence. It is not for them to decide, but the court if it comes to a hearing. Often solicitors will try and insist on contact arrangements on behalf of their clients, but of course it is in reality only a request on their part delivered in legalese and sometimes in an aggressive fashion to get you to agree. Stand firm.

Hi there,

I agree with ElsieMc stand firm. Do not put on hold your LTR application and in that case apply for PSO would not be a problem. The thing is that you have to deal with 1 thing after another. Application for LTR takes energy and time but they are still granted. Do the best you feel for your daughter. Also the earlier the better. I am starting my application and as ElsieMc said I ve made mistakes with solicitors and got me to agree on contact and now I regret so much....

Well of course there is a very good reason why solicitors will encourage clients to make children available for safe contact. And that is if a parent opposes all contact they may be deemed unreasonable and obstructive which doesn't help their client's case.

Separated parents often make allegations and counter allegations and without evidence from independent professionals (teachers, social services, police etc) judges are going to have difficulty choosing between two versions of the same story. Apart from making cases unnecessarily complicated, protracted and expensive being hostile to any contact can seriously backfire when courts rule children should spend more time/share residence to equalise the power between parents, apply sanctions or refuse leave to remove the children from the UK on the basis that there is a poor contact history and the motivation for the move is to restrict contact.

STIDW I'm not sure if your post is in response to my situation. I am not planning to nor have I frustrated contact. I don't want my DD to be in contactwith my abusive parents and he is suddenly facilitating this after nearly three years of us being apart.

The leave to remove issue is separate to this and precedes it. I also find it concerning that there seems to be a perception that if you want to move away, it's because you want to frustrate contact. I have her over 80% of the time, I am responsible for all issues such as schooling and health and only get maintenance thanks to the CSA. But I have to spend the next 10 years in a city I don't really want to be so he can take her to Nando's every other weekend.

Anyway since I last posted he has turned down my third attempt at resolving this in a way that doesn't require going to court so I am now completing the paperwork for the PSO.

No, sorry. It was just a general comment.