Children upset and refusing to return to other parents house as per court order.

[whiteandnerdy]

Ok the children (DS1=13 years this month), (DS2=11years) always seem unhappy at returning to the Ex's, on Sunday 7pm I am ordered by the court to return them to their other parent. I drive the children over to the Ex's house, they get out, DS1 tells either Ex or Ex's partner that they are unhappy and don't want to come in. By the time I get out of the car, I hear Ex's partner shouting at my DS1, "If your not in here in 5 minutes I'm calling the police." DS1 comes running over in tears saying I want to go home. So DS2 goes in and I take DS1 home with me.

On monday afternoon I get a phone call from DS1 saying both DS1 and DS2 have come back to my house instead of the Ex's house. Again this is not what is the contact as ordered by the court.

So far it's now Tuesday morning I've phoned the court yesterday, they tell me I need to fill out a C100 form for an adjustment, but it could be that the kids will want to return to the Ex. I think the fact that the Ex hasn't phoned to say everything is OK and their not going to be in trouble isn't helping the situation.

Therefore do I need to be filling out a C100 or would a formal letter to the court informing them of the situation rather than requesting a change in the order be more appropriate?

How long ago did the court order the arrangements? If your children are older now and more able to express a preference as to where they spend their time, it may be that the court needs to look at issuing a new order.

Complete the C100 if that is what they advised, and do it as soon as possible. In answer to question 7 you will be able to give the details of what happened, and ask the court to consider whatever new arrangement your boys are seeking.

You will need to discuss it with them - what reasons are your children giving for not wanting to return to your ex? What arrangement would they prefer?

Form C100 can be downloaded here under "How to Apply for a Court Order":
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Lookingafterchildrenifyoudivorceorseparate/Childrendivorceseparationandcourts/DG_192819
Information leaflet CB1 which accompanies form C100 can be found here:
hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/HMCTS/GetLeaflet.do?court_leaflets_id=93

The order was made circa end of April 2011.

It's difficult to understand exactly what the issue is but DS1 descibed Ex as being nice before she met her partner. Then it got a bit worse, then they had a baby and he describes things being worse, then his older brother went to University and things got worse. He's already been to CAHMS due to behavour issues about possible issues of depression.

If I were to make a guess I would say that the Ex is a manipulative bully, and with the demands of the new family and new baby that have come along, the Ex has been resorting to punitive actions more and more. But that's only a gut feeling, it's very difficult to filter why the children have the emotions they do, because I'm sure they'll be some manipulation of trying to say things they think I want to hear.

Will fill out the C100 and get it back to court, trying to outline that at the current situation is an emotional issue that's preventing the contact outlined in the contact order.

They voting With their feet aren't they ? I hope you can sort it out soon and they get to be heard

Good luck OP, you might want to see a solicitor too, just to be on the safe side.

"it's very difficult to filter why the children have the emotions they do, because I'm sure they'll be some manipulation of trying to say things they think I want to hear."

That right there makes me admire you to no end. It's so easy after a split for parents to blindly believe whatever the kids say - and so bad for the kids.

Good luck. I hope this resolves well for your boys.

OK this is a very technical question, bit worried it's down an existing more general thread however,

The court has just sent me the receipt of application to forward to the other respondant and their solicitors. This also included a copy of the C100 and C1A. The question is should I be forwarding the C100 and C1A to the solicitor and my Ex (i.e. the respondant).

I'll be making photocopies of these to send to both the Ex and her solicitor just want to know if I should include them, my thoughts are I should, just like to know that I'm going about it correctly.

Erm, as for this resolving well for the boys ... it's been 7 days ... not a single phonecall from the Ex to the kids ... sigh!

Yes - send to both. The complete the statement of servic and send that back to the court. Keep a copy of everything. Send to them also the notice of proceedings form, the acknowledgement of service form and any other orders (eg in my local court we get an order allocating the case to the county court or to the family proceedings court).

Ah, thanks for that, am on it.

Yeah, that bit about the application being transferred and if I object to the transfer, is just the County Court giving the case to the Family Proceedings Court, understood.

so the boys are with you now?

Correct, I'm sure if only their mother would phone the kids and at least let them know that everything is OK, then some form of normality could be resumed. As it is, it's been a week, I've sent letters to both mother and her solicitor asking, please could their mother get in contact with her children and let them know everything will be OK, and allay their fears. So far ... just a letter from her solicitor and some nice text messages saying how awful I am.

were they supposed to be with you all this week?

are you on half term? maybe just go out and have fun with them...
.
what are their fears? have you spoken to CAMHS - maybe they can talk to DS and ascertain what the fears are and what they want to happen....

in fact if is going to get nasty then best involve any profressionals you can...

The kids were supposed to be at their mothers last and this week, so I've not booked any time off work ... trying to juggle work commitments ... while at home with the kids. Their mother is giving birth some time, this or last week, so it's maybe assoicated with changes due to the new baby but also to add into the mix the Ex's partner simply shouted at DS1 when I dropped them off, before I was even out of the car to say goodbye. DS1 in tears saying he didn't want to go back. I guess now the issue of not wanting to see his mother is compounding his fears that he'll be in someway introuble and so punished. Therefore, his mother not contacting him I feel is simply compounding these issues.

I've already sent a letter to CAMHS about anxiety issues and trying to chase that up. Also had a phone appointment with the GP today and was advised to bring them to the sergery later in the week.

I agree with the advice you have had here - keep a note of all issues. Preferably dated, in a notebook or diary. Involve all the professionals you can. It sounds pretty dire for your children. But she is about to give birth, and who knows what's going on.

Good luck and keep in touch.

maybe she focusing on new baby right now....was there a plan set up was it intended things would stay as they were when new baby came along?