Ex taking me to court again

[Whyisthishappeningnow]

I hope I'm putting this in the right place. I lurked for a while back in the past but have never posted. However a friend suggested Mumsnet as good for advice and I'm in need of it.

Long story but ex-husband and I have had long disagreements about the contact pattern for our 11 year old daughter and 8 year old son. I have issues with his inconsistency and unreliability like disappearing for 4 months without a word and constant cancellations and changes of plan. Anyway, we tried mediation and he still took me to court last year where he was told he could have a weekend contact every 3 weeks (all he wanted at the time) and one day every week. He managed this for a bit and then it has gone back to the usual pattern of changes and cancellations. He said he wanted to increase to every other weekend and I have said in mediation that I'm not prepared for this until he can be more reliable with the current pattern. My solicitor says this is reasonable and so far so good.

All through this I've also been looking after my 2 1/2 year old son who has special needs from my second marriage, dealing with being pregnant and recovering from a difficult labour only 3 weeks ago! I'm now horrified to find he has put in an application and we have a court date in only 4 weeks.

He says he has been reasonable 'in waiting until after I've given birth'!!

My solicitor is away for the next 2 weeks and I'm horrified at the thought of having to turn up at court with a 7 week old baby in tow.

Can I cancel the court date? I can't believe they'd expect a new mother to attend and surely this would be a valid excuse for a delay at least. I didn't really think he'd take me to court again but somehow thought that I'd have 6 months grace if he did!

your solicitor could go to court without you as long as you give her your full instructions beforehand and you being on the end of the phone in case the magistrates/judge (you havent said whether its family proceedings or county court) have any questions. they could explain that you have just given birth and are unable to attend court given the circumstances and explain your side of the story. the first hearing will be adjourned anyway with directions for things to happen, such as statements to be filed, reports to be carried out etc and given a new hearing date in a few months

Is your solicitor with a big practice?. If there are senior partners or someone, they can advise you and also apply to the court for an adjournment. If not you may need to do it yourself. If its the county court you can apparently write to the court yourself for an adjournment, citing bfing etc, phone the court where it will be held and ask them what the procedure is. (not sure about other courts though) We were invited to write in and told the judge hearing the case would read it and it would go into the court papers for your case. Whatever, do it asap, as if you leave it to the last minute with no legitimate excuse, you may end up with the exs court costs.

I agree you should ask for an adjournment. Get your solicitor to write in explaining the circumstances and the letter will be put before the judge. the letter should explain that he's currently exercising contact.

Hi whyisthis, my ex was the same (still is) forever getting me in court be it for contact (he was having contact) or financial matters.
I was in court heavily pregnant (31 weeks, delivered at 32 weeks, I believe due to all the stress he caused and the court appearance).

Following the prem birth of my ds I was in court a few more times and took him with me in his pram, whilst I don't believe the court were overly happy about it I had no other choice, it also didn't look good on him taking me back and forth to the courts when it was not required.

Wow, thanks for the quick replies! I see my friend was right :)

I'll try asking the firm tomorrow if there is anyone else who can ask for an adjournment for me.

Sorry to hear about your situation catherinea1971 it sounds terrible. How old was your son when you first took him? Was there a reason you didn't ask for an adjournment?

Is anyone able to tell me how long they might adjourn for?

I think he was a couple of months old the first time.

I did try and get it adjourned but the court asked ex's solicitors if they/ex was ok with adjournment and ex wasn't so it went ahead. I don't think him not allowing an adjournment helped him at all.

To be fair I now act as a litigant in person and ex looks like he is gearing up to get me back in court again soon, I quite enjoy the experience nowadays!

oh dear, 2 months is not far off 7 weeks...

But it must have been even worse if he was premature too, poor you!

So does that mean that if he objects to an adjournment it would go ahead anyway? That seems to miss the point!

I think it depends on the reasons for the adjournment and also the judge.

But I am happy to be proven incorrect by anyone in the legal profession!
I now just go and get it done with, saves it hanging over you, if you are prepared of course.
My ds is nearly 5 now and also has special needs and I also have dd2 with sn, so I understand that it's hard going.
It may also be an idea to see your gp if you really don't feel up to it, a letter from a gp may help ensure an adjournment.