I am 12weeks pregnant, all alone and desperately need advice please help :( xx

[Jess080990]

Hi Everyone

I have posted in the pregnancy thread with my story so I will just give you a brief outline (I might be posting in the completely wrong category but I couldn't find the right one sorry) basically cut a very long story short I am 12 weeks pregnant I do not no what to do my boyfriend doesn't want to know he will only be with me if I have an abortion which I just cant seem to get my head around, I have tried however and I am now really considering it.

I dont get along with my mum she hasnt made this any easier in fact has said some horrible horrible things. I have been to my local council and they wont help me which is horrible I thought I might have some good happen for me after all this bad but I guess not. I'm 21 I work full time 40hours a week for a recruitment company however I am long term temping (over a year now) as they're not planning to make anyone perm I guess that's why businesses love temps.

I dont know where to look or go and so far Mumsnet has been amazing and offered me great support and advice on my problem Im facing at the moment so Im hoping someone can help me perhaps?

I am in such a horrible situation I need a flat I cannot face staying in a hostel or shared place I have emitephobia the phobia of vomit which means I cannot handle germs, bugs or anything that could make me ill therefore I couldnt share with anyone or go in a hostel and I need my own place.

Would anyone be able to offer me advice or guide me to the right place where I could get help with this? I know its probably impossible but I'm running out of options and I just have no one to turn to for help I have never felt so alone so I would be so grateful for your help.

Thank you so much for reading

Jess xx

You can't share? Yet you do at the moment?

No I live with my mum I pay her rent for the loft room we have but she doesnt want me here anymore cos of whats happening x

Privately rent a bedsit? You will still be entitled to maternity allowance as a temp. Go to citizens advice for benefits and budgeting advice.

When you say the council can't help does that mean you can't get a council house, or that you are not able to claim housing benefit?

If you could claim HB you could look into private rental that will take HB.

Also speak to some one in HR at work, and ask where you stand WRT maternity leave/pay etc.

I'm not certain but I'm sure after a certain amount of time you become entitled to more things as a temp (mat leave/hols etc).

Once you know where you stand with work, and therefore money, you can address what your options would be for housing. Speak to the CAB they can advise you as well.

Then when you know exactly what you are facing you may feel able to make a decision, rather than not knowing where you stand.

As for your relationship, I have no advice other than to say if it were me I would consider how I would cope alone with or without a baby. As your partner has made his position very clear, you must do what feels right for you, not to try and please him.

It is a scary time for you, but you will come through it. There is support and help available for you.

if your mum kicks you out then you WILL be entitled to housing but you need to just accept that it may, temporarily, be shared housing.
it's not great. no-one wants to be in a shared house, but to be completely frank with you, you have little choice and if you're going to become a mother then you need to "man-up" (woman-up?) and get on with it!

either that, or rent privately, and hope you can save enough money to cover your maternity leave?

i know this sounds harsh, but it isn't just you to think about now, it's a baby as well. and if the right thing to do is getting your own flat, and that means a temporary stay in some shared housing then that is what you need to do.

also, living in a shared house isn't going to leave you any more open to getting a bug than being at work surely?

make sure your own food prep areas are always clean, you can clean sinks etc before use...

my little cousin had to stay in a shared accomodation place for a while and it was actually really very nice

I think you should concentrate on whether you want to continue your pregnancy or not in these circumstances. It really doesn't sound as though you are anywhere near prepared for it, and with no support from either the dad or your family, no permanent job, money or home of your own it's going to very hard for you.

How long have you been on this temp assignment? You are entitled to the same basic rights, after 12 weeks in the same assignment, as those on permanent contracts of employment in a comparable role.

No-one can tell you what's best for you, but you are already finding out how little help there is if you cannot support yourself.

I'd start with Gingerbread for advice: www.gingerbread.org.uk/emailadvice.aspx

Brook is a good place for advice whether you decide to continue your pregnancy or have an abortion:
www.brook.org.uk/pregnancy

Am I right in thinking your mum wasn't very keen on your boyfriend and thinks you've got yourself into a right mess against her advice? I think I'd be upset if my daughter got pregnant with a man who didn't want to know!

Jess I was on your other thread.
It sounds to me like you will get a flat once the baby comes, but you might have to put up with less than ideal (for you) situations before that happens.
I think it's important that you try and look at the bigger picture.
You've been so strong so far in knowing what you want, it sounds to me like you went to an office where you were fed standard lines, possibly by some 'computer says no' person, and that's made you feel like there are only obstacles in front of you. Obviously people who work in said offices can only give you information as it stands for your current situation.
It would be wholly unprofessional of them to say 'but don't worry, once the baby comes you'll get a flat'.

From what others of posted it seems (and really I'm no expert) that housing is a real possibility for you, but only once you tick certain boxes.

So please don't let one visit to an office affect how you plan your life!

There must be so much going on in your mind, but it can all come together if you give it a chance.