I'm writing on behalf of my sister in law. Please bear with me as it's a bit convoluted. She and her ex had a nasty split over christmas time and they have a 3 year old son together. She is on benefits and her ex was living in her house illegally. I think legally he was allowed to spend only 3 nights a week there, but he never moved out despite her repeatedly asking him. On top of this there is domestic abuse as he has a very bad temper. There has been 2 anon complaints from neighbours against overheard arguments. He had also taken the boy in the middle of the night after they had arguments...one time it was reported to the police.
So finally they made the split and they agreed that she take the boy to her parents over christmas and he would find somewhere else to live. This did actually happen but on return home she agreed for the ex to see his son over night. He then said he was not returning the boy and would fight for full custody citing that she was an alcoholic. This is untrue and this guy is a compulsive liar. He still has the boy and is controlling and manipulating the situation where he is letting her see the boy but only under his supervision (obviously because she could legally just take him back).
My sis in law is and always has been the primary carer and although the ex does love the boy he wasn't a hands on father nor did he financially support the boy even when they were living together. He is using the boy as a tool to punish her.
The boy was not at immediate risk as the ex was staying with his mother, but now the ex is moving into a flat on his own with the boy and my sis is scared for her sons safety due to her ex erratic and violent tempers. Only yesterday did he pre meditate a meeting with her and my inlaws in a public place. They reasonably asked if they could take the boy to the park and he immediately went nuts and shouted 'Help me they are trying to kidnap my son' and then pushed the mum to the ground and tried to stuff the boy in the car. The police were called and he tried to say that my mother in law tried to assault him when she only tried to pull him away from forcing the 3yo into the back of the car.
I can assure you that my inlaws are good people who wouldn't harm a fly and just want the boy to be safe. I'm sure the sis is no saint but she is a good mother and he's a happy well rounded boy.
So long story short. This occurred on the 29th Dec. She got a solicitor as soon as they opened after new year and was advised to not just take the boy back as she would be seen as the aggressor but to follow the appropriate steps to get into court. At the initial meeting with the solicitor 3 weeks ago, they are STILL waiting for mediation and for Legal aid to come through. My questions are:
Should it take this long for a solicitor to take action...even to get mediation!! I know if the boy is in immediate risk (which is the case now) it should act faster but is there some stagnated process that everyone has to deal with?
How long does it take for legal aid to be granted
Can her benefits be stopped (as the boy is not currently in her care) even this is an unresolved situation?
Is the ex at an advantage that he has the boy in hand?
Because he accused her of being an alcoholic does that impede her rights to take her son back? Especially as this may or may not be lodged with social services (since the initial visit there has been no follow up visits or correspondence).
Despite the fact that he has been playing a nasty game that really is not in the boy's interests, does the fact that she is the main carer and he has taken his son out of his stable environment not reason enough for her to get him back quickly.
What I am dumbfounded by is the fact the social services are sitting on the fence, he is getting away with all this appalling behaviour, the police want to keep out of it and the solicitor is dragging her feet and all the while this poor kid is away from his home, his things and his mum. I know he's only 3 but this will be having a negative affect on him.
I think that as soon as it gets to court then the truth will out and the ex will be seen for the scumbag he is. I can only hope the judge will be in favour of my sis in law getting the residence order but the way things have played out so far i do have an element of doubt.
If any of you have suggestions then please share.
thanks
PS. The ex does have a daughter from a previous relationship and was only granted supervised access once a week. That must mean something serious happened in that relationship for that to be granted. (however i think he is using this previous experience to almost mirror the jargon this time round)