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Legal matters

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Original poster

What to do (also posted in AIBU) but was suggested might get some help here too. x

10 replies

EllenandBump · 21/12/2011 16:33

I got through today a letter from a solicitors in regards to a divorce, which i have no problems with but also custody of our son. He was abusive and now has the guts to divorce me and try to get custody of my son. I HAVE seeked legal representation and have an appointment to see a solicitor on 4th Januiary which was the soonest they could get me in, but i am really angry. Also, he's divorcing me! I cant wait to get him out of my life though, so wont be contesting against the divorce. It does upset me a little though, as i really did think at the time i married him that he was "the one". x

OP posts:
STIDW · 21/12/2011 17:03

No point in contesting divorce and in the grand scale of things it doesn't matter who divorces whom.

Sole residence is rarely awarded unless for one reason or another a child can't live with the other parent. The outcome of many residence applications is shared residence but it can be in different proportions from 50:50.

When considering a residence application a court takes account of the views of children according their age and maturity. Background and the effects of any change on children are also factors. As long as children are surviving satisfactorily generally disrupting a children's sense of security and established bonds is not seen as being in the interests of children.

Therefore the patterns of work and child care are important. If you don't work or work part time to fit around commitments related to children your husband will have an uphill struggle getting sole residence. On the other hand, if you both work full time and share child care 50:50 there is every possibility that a court would award a shared residence order 50:50.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 21/12/2011 17:12

neither of us work atm, i am living with mum and left him because he was very abusive. Just was a bit woind up that he had teh cheek to do it just before christmas and the letter deosnt mention on which grounds. I am not stopping contact etc, but do not wish for me and him to have contact. Our son is 18months old and therefore a little too young for the court to ask his wishes. I think he is better off with me. Dad was at college and i have been informed is going back there too. But i cant stop my life for him and i will be sorting myself out.

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catherinea1971 · 22/12/2011 07:57

Ellen he is wanting and succeeding in winding you up. Has any of the abuse been logged?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 22/12/2011 18:09

Stupidly only the last incident has been logged. x

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GypsyMoth · 22/12/2011 18:18

What grounds is he using for divorce?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 22/12/2011 18:32

There are no grounds for divorce mentioned in the letter only "unhappy differences in your marriage led us to believe it has been irretrievably broken down", so no grounds for divorce as yet. As long as he doesnt put adultery i dont really care, as i have not committed adultery, not have i kissed, or had sexual contact with anyone since being with him, he on the other han d has, although he did not sleep with these 3 other women, but it still felt like cheating, and his excuse was that dad had just died, But he always had an excuse for everything... x

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sneezecakesmum · 22/12/2011 19:21

'Irretrievable breakdown' is the grounds he is using for the divorce. Don't worry about it, he's paying for the case to be heard so hopefully saving you a bit of money! Just agree to everything and accept the petition when it arrives.

Contact and residency of your child are something you need to discuss with a solicitor, though mediation looks the best bet for you if you agree with him regarding contact. (cheaper too)

Sadly everyone thinks their DH is 'the one' even though they clearly arent if the divorce statistics are anything to go by!

Original poster
EllenandBump · 22/12/2011 19:32

He get legal aid, so sorry its the tax payer paying for it. I have already got an appointment with a solicitor on the fourth regards of the divorce and contact. Just wanted it all to be above board and legal, so that nothing can come back on me.

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battlingobesity · 26/12/2011 22:12

Just to say that although mediation is cheaper and may well turn out to be successful for you if you choose to go down that route, it is not recommended in situations where abuse is present.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 27/12/2011 16:34

I am starting to thin k i may well just leave it in the hands of my solictor, and avoid any contact with him which would include mediation. Fortunatly my son is only 18months old and therefore isnt old enough to have to go to court, but i suppose i would need a social workers report but he doesnt mind strangers anyway so it shouldnt be too traumatic for him hopefully. Think i done the right thing too. x

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