Withdrawing objection to contact

[donedonedone]

My ex has been v abusive to me and the children, been in prison etc but nothing stops the court from taking his side. I have decided that I cannot carry on, its making me ill and I feel the end result will be the same anyway- indrect contact, leading to supervised then unsupervised contact. I feel that I cannot put my wellbeing behind the childrens any longer. My last court appointment was eight weeks ago and I have given it a lot of thought.

If I withdraw my objection what will happen? Will I still have to speak to my ineffective Cafcass person? Can they try to make me pay the ex's cost?

How do I make my children attend contact they don't want? They are too large to psychically lift etc. How do i make them speak to him on the phone?

How old are the children and has there been finding of fact hearing?

Children's resistance to contact can be overcome when the child is relieved of responsibility for making the decision and/or where the parent with the majority of care is supportive of their relationship with the other parent. Sometimes a period of indirect contact is ordered to take the pressure off.

Alternatively the court can make a Family Assistance Order when CAFCASS gets to know the family and works with them to re-establish contact. In some circumstances children may undergo psychological intervention such as family therapy.

Sorry, forgot to say usually each party pays their own costs in children cases.

I can't have made myself clear. I am not willing to go to court anymore. He can have the contact he wants.

I just want to know how i get my children to take part in it and whether i will have to pay his costs as I have now decided not to fight it and i initially objected to it.

Before anyone can answer the question we need to know if there was a finding of fact and if the children's hostility to contact has been investigated. Some children align with the parent with the majority of care out of loyalty or cling to the constant. The other parent no longer lives there, the parent with care does. Children may tell parents what they think they want to hear. Other children are resistant to contact because of past events and the behaviour of a parent.

How to get children to take part in contact depends on the reason why they are hostile to contact.

Neither.

In that case you remind the children of former times they spent with their father by sharing photos and stories of happy times they spent together. Tell them how important links with family and their heritage are and give them "permission" to have a relationship with their father. When that doesn't work it is case of pulling rank as an adult. Children's wishes and feelings are important but it is adults who make decisions. As a last resort you can tell them the court has decided they should see their father and there are serious consequences of not abiding with the courts decision. If children are still resistant you ask CAFCASS for advice.

Indirect and supervised contact gives the courts the opportunity to assess the situation. Very often the first step is the most difficult but once contact has been made children change. When children remain hostile there will be independent witnesses, the courts will investigate the reasons why and if it is found the cause is the father's behaviour any contact will depend on the extent he is prepared to admit his behaviour and modify it. However, the court cannot assess the situation until indirect and supervised contact are attempted.

I know the feeling of just wanting to give up but please consider going to court one more time and telling judge that you agree with indirect contact leading over months to supervised contact and if that goes well to unsupervised.
If there is risk of abuse or aggressive behaviour then you doing your dc disservice by giving up and laying it open to an order given in your absence to unsupervised and overnight visits straightaway....

Take one last chance to get an order setting out a clear schedule for say three months indirect then three months contact centre and if that goes well to start contact outside contact centre. Then overnights after this amount of time.

Then there is chance for any issues to be recorded.

Go to the next hearing and say you agree to indirect leading to supervised leading to unsupervised if goes well. That way you can ensure ongoing involvement with cafcass.

Don't give up if he has been abusive to you and them you need to protect them while giving a chance fr contact to resume.

If you go to court and tell solicitor what you agreeing to then it should be very short sharing as judge will just need to sign off an order there and then. Tho you may need to wait around.
But not having such an order or getting one your ex wants which gives him immediate unsupervised contact could be really hard for your dc.give it one more shot to get an order spelling out the periods for indirect then supervised then unsupervised and hopefully including a reference to review by carcass during those months. You owe it to your children....

Short hearing. And
Cafcass

Oh and get support from gp eg counsellor referral.