equity split on divorce

[dawnseam]

hi could any one give me their experiences on how the finances have been split on divorce
will give brief details

married 14 years, 2 children 11 and 14 yrs who will live with me
gave up my career 14 yrs ago to look after children
ex is high earner ( 85k) with large pension
family house (we have both agreed i can stay in) is worth 225k
mortgage is 34 k with 3 years left endowment due in 3 yrs which will cover it

ex has about 40k in savings shares etc
everything is in his name
he seems to think he is entitled to 50/50 split on house
but ive read differently and my solicitor says we should go for 70/30 split in my favour as his earnings are so much higher than my earning potiential

we have 2nd mediation next week where they have said they will sort it in this session (he has all papers asked for in first session)

i feel i would like the house signed over to me, endowment cashed early and mortgage paid off with some of the savings
split remaining savings 50/50
that way in say 5 years when kids are older i can sell house and buy some thing smaller and have a little lump sum

i know mediation is only a week a way but i really am not sure what i should be fighting for
solictor says its down to mediation to try to reach an agreement between us
the story is a bit more complicated but for now i would be gratefull if any one could give me some rough advice ?? thanks in advance

Get a different solicitor if they aren't giving you clear advice, although I'd have thought that the extra 20% (£45k?) doesn't seem much consideration for a clean break. You have a good shout at maintenance for yourself given your years out of the job market, and the large disparity in earning capacity, and don't forget his pension.

Perhaps ask for a conference with a barrister at this stage. Where are you based?

hi im in essex
my solicitor is ok im claiming benefits now so getting legal aid she just says mediation will sort it out i ve read he has to pay me maintenance as well like you say i havent worked for 15 yrs now and didnt have to as his wages were plenty !!
one solicitor did advise me to take the mortgage myself as its only got 3 yrs to run and was £99 a month i could afford that out of benefits then the house should be mine not sure how we go about that or the endowment

the situation becomes a bit more complex as he recently re mortgaged the house adding another 90k still all in his name to buy 70per cent of his parents bungalow so they could move into a retirement place

so at the moment i am in the family home with 2 kids
he is paying all the bills
his parents are living in a place in thier names paid for by him borrowing money on the family home
he is living in their bungalow which is all paid for and deeds in his dads name
his solicitor says he has done right as he has taken his 50 per cent share of equity on the family home !!

mediation did ask him if he could find out if the mortgage could be moved to the bungalow( as it should of been taken in the first place) but he wouldnt do it do it as it would cost more money!! when i asked him about this the other day he said it could but it would nmean his dad would loose 50k!!
as the bungalow is worth 140k and he has borrowed 90 K as his mortgage advisor said the he had to have the whole thing in his name ?

its all a big mess and he has taken this extra mortgage out on a fixed rate of 2 years argh
i just really want a clean break so i can move on with my life but knowing i will be financially ok
sorry to go on i guess ive just got to wait to see what we can agree at mediation next week
thnak though

There are no set rules. I think a fairly standard way of looking at it is that all the money (in whatever form that may take) is put in a virtual pot, any debt is then subtracted (mortgages included) and the final amount is considered. That amount is then split between you, with the priority being to ensure that the children are housed as well as possible.
There is a tendency to try and ring-fence pensions nowadays, so that it is a clean break - but other than that all equity, assets have to be declared & put in the pot.
You may well find it takes a couple of sessions of financial mediation to get it all sorted out.

It is important for mediation to work that you have regular meetings with your solicitor. They should be advising you where you stand between each mediation meeting.

Do you know how much his pension is worth? Is it a final salary scheme or money purchase?

If you don't know the answer to these questions you shouldn't be negotiating hard figures with him yet.

It's right that the mortgage should be transferred to the bungalow.

If he takes half the non-pension assets, is he willing to give you half his pension and half his income (as spouse maintenance) until retirement? I 'spect not. The goal isn't to get an agreement, whatever the cost. The goal is to arrive at a solution that is fair and reasonable on both sides, and which meets the needs of you and the children (the most financially vulnerable) to be housed. There also should be a compensation element for the fact that you have foregone career progression (that will have a permanent effect). If your H won't discuss this with you then I'd abandon mediation and issue an application in court for a financial order.

sounds like there is a mortgage of 90K plus 34K on the family home . so not so much equity there really?

Dawnseam, thank you for bringing up this topic as I too am confused about how mediation works. I have read as much as I can anywhere I can find it but it still confuses me!

I havent got to the stage of having all the financial facts available (waiting for valuation on our, or as he thinks, HIS business) so not ready to go into mediation just yet. Not sure I even want to as my stbx is a bully. Can I refuse?

Collaborate, my understanding from what you are saying is that you go into Mediation with a strong view "what you want" as suggested by your solicitor and then the other party says "what they want" and the mediator tries to bring you to some kind of middle ground. Meanwhile you go back to your solicitor after each mediation and they tell you what you should or should not agree to and further things to suggest in response to their demands. Is this correct? Does this mean you should always ask for more than you expect so that you have room for negotiation? I dont think I am able to cope with my stbx in this kind of situation.

Is speaking to a barrister at an early stage the best idea?

resolution website gives an idea on mediation. Seems very odd that you are going into the mediation without very clear objectives guided by what your solicitor advises is a realistic outcome for you. You need a few more sessions with the solicitor by the sound of it.

To be fair in my situation the financial information is yet to be gathered so until we know that my solicitor cant advise on what a realistic outcome might be. It is tough waiting and wondering.
Thanks for the link. It explains that you have to go to a first meeting with a mediator as a legal requirement which I didnt know, so I suppose at that stage I can explain that I do not want to be bullied by my stbx and face him in a room. Hopefully I could then refuse to continue.

There?s a presumption that assets gained over the length of the marriage are joint owned. However, when it comes to the family home, this may not be the case and different factors will be used to determine the ownership split such as how the property was held legally in the first place. If one partner is the sole owner of a property, they may have a greater claim on the home, although even this can be contested by a court. Even with a ?good? split, you may have to sell the property to release the, allowing both parties to purchase something.

thanks for al the replies
i have spoke to my solicitor who says to go to the mediation and hopefully come up with an agreement as thats how it works ! then i have made an appointment to see her again the next day. i am still confused and it feels like i am putting my future finances in the hands of the mediator i hope thats the right thing to do? i really want to just move on with my life but get what im entitled to and do whats best for me and my children .
if im not happy with the outcome of mediation i will refuse to come to an agreement at this session and go back to my solicitor.
he is producing his pension documents at the mediation this week .
and cestlavilelife its a bit more complicated as he has just borrowed the additional 90k to finance his parents retirment place! if he transfers this mortgage there will be a nice equity and still the endowment to cover the reamaining 35k due in 3 years that i could that he is looking into surrendering early . so lots to consider and hope sort in mediation this week will keep you posted thank you

dustylandfairytale
you sound like you are in the same position as me at the first meeting with mediation they see you both seperately then together and come up with some proposals , and tell you if your case can be sorted through mediation and how many sessions and what you need to bring . ive got 2nd and final session this week when he is producing all documents and i really hope we can sort it out then will kjepp you informed .

I would really appreciate hearing how you get on. My circumstances are quite similar to you yours in many respects. I am also really keen to find out what the actual experience of being in mediation feels like so I can be prepared.

I was in your position 5 years ago.
I was still living in the family home at the time, I couldn't move out with children had nowhere to go and no money and he refused to move out of 'his' house.
The mediation sessions were helpful in the end as he would not talk to me at all the £*& so it does work in your favour.
No decison is made at the sessions, the financials are presented and proposals made, take lots of notes and then go back to solicitor with all the different proposals.
It is a lot of tooing and froing and bargaining (which I found eek) you really have to listen and go over in your mind what exactly you can and can't live with

It took a year I'm sorry to say with us living in this very stressful situation and after all that time of him saying that there was no way he was losing his house meaning me and kids moved out and bought another house, he sold the original house at £15k more than the original valuation at the beginning of the process.
So beware of keeping up with the money and valuation process, sounds like he wants it all his own way, make sure you are sound financially.

Bear in mind that given the ages of your children a judge would expect you go & get a full time job. They may order spousal maintenance but probably with a time limit of say a year to allow you time to find work. Best bet would be for you to get 100% equity & maybe move to a smaller house?

Also given levels of income here (after taking into account housing costs kids) , I don't know if there would be much to spare for compensation element of spousal maintenance .

we agreed for ex to pay a lump sum instead of continued spousal maintenance.

It doesn't always go to court if you can agree through mediation.

OP is in Essex, where clean breaks with such income differentials are not common.

You don't simply ignore the compensation elements of a claim. It can serve to enhance your capital claim as well as income claim

So the outcomes can vary depending on which part of the country you are in?

How do choose a mediator? There doesnt seem to be that many in my area but obviously there is a choice. Once you do choose one are they very busy, does it take time to get an initial appointment?

Dawn

Can I recommend another site? Wikivorce is excellent at explaining all things divorce, their forums give clear advice as experienced by people from all walks of life. (Don't use the on site calculator though!)