Getting access set in stone by the court when we both agree?

[whirlwindlife]

Briefly......My partner and I have been through a rough patch. We had an argument, he damaged my front door, police were called, he went to court and they gave him a conditional discharge, cost of door and a 6 month restraining order preventing him from coming to my house.

After many talks we are trying to get through this. He is paranoid because of his insecurities that if we don't get through this as a couple then I will get funny about him seeing our son. So he wants to get access set in stone through a court. We both agree on amount of time each week etc. I don't particularly want our solicitors involved as we both agree and he has said this is fine. Just need a quick simple fix through the court. Is this possible, anyone have any similar experience?

i think you shouold be very careful what you sign and agree to now -wait for next six months see how it goes, how will you do contact -thru third party?

his paranoia is his problem, not yours he needs to seek help. how can you be a "couple" after this? espec if he cant come to your house.

tell him that as you both agree there is no need for a court order - you can bth sign something if you like as some kind of evidence. but wait to see how his behaviour is over next six months. and how it goes with yuor son and contact.
how old is son?

A court would simply refuse to make an order if you both agree. It's called the "no order" principle. If you can work it out for yourselves the court will not get involved. The court is under enough stress as it is without people making nonsense applications to massage the ego of your ex.

Doesn't matter any more, this morning I got advice from my solicitor about removing the restraining order (which ex wanted done so he could come here xmas day and generally). My solicitor strongly advised against it saying I'd be rejecting a court decision about the safety of myself and the kids so I told my ex it wouldn't be happening and he went mad down the phone saying there's absolutely no hope for us etc etc. Followed by a text saying he wants ds (17 months) on xmas day. So I guess that's that, end of amicability/reconsiliation. I am a fool.

whirlwind i strongly recommend you speak to womens aid or other counsellor to develop strategies for dealing with your ex, including practising putting the phone down with a "bye; got to go " when he starts ranting at you.

if he wants to see Ds make some arrangement with a relative to take DS to see him on xmas day.

(or boxing day or xmas eve)

the fact he is getting amd down the phone is reason to keep all restraining orders not to suspend them to "make him happy".